My Mistakes Were Made For You
by Tama0026
Summary: He's a married man regretting everything he once thought was right. She comes into his life turning regret into gratitude. "Bella, every mistake I've ever made led me to you."
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

Being at a funeral entirely alone with what felt like hundreds of people was something new for me. I had never felt this alone in all my life. There was always somebody there to take care of me; to look out for me. I grew up the happy child of parents that loved each other. We had a home, we had money, we had each other. I always thought that someday, my future would look similar. I'd finish university, get a job that I liked, meet a nice man, buy a nice house, have some nice kids; but life never goes according to plan.

I stood there, my hands in the pockets of my brown cardigan, feeling alone and betrayed. My best friend, Jessica, was beside me but apart from her, there was no one at this funeral that meant anything to me. No relatives. No one.

I watched as they lowered the caskets, one after the other. The people that raised me, the people that loved me. This was the last time I would allow myself to mourn them, because as my dad had always said, life goes on. He had said that a lot.

All of them went up to me and expressed their sorrow over my parents' death. Yet how many had really meant it? Not one of them had known them the way I had. Maybe they had known the businessman, or the society lady. Maybe they thought my parents had been snobs. Maybe they thought they'd been nice people. They didn't know the dad that took me on camping trips and showed me how to shoot a gun, or the Mom that bought me my first lipstick and terrified me with her openness on certain subjects.

It had taken me a week to come to that conclusion, but in the end it was clear that even through everything that had come out of their deaths, even through all the sorrow and betrayal I felt, I had known the real Charlie and Renee. The parents that loved me and would have given anything for me.

I wouldn't allow myself to cry. I had cried too much already. Every single day leading up to this day I had cried, alone, in a house that wasn't mine. In the house that I grew up in and always considered to be home. I had always thought that someday, that house would belong to me; it doesn't.

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><p><em>One week before:<em>

I was in my room, hiding out, while Jessica was outside trying to convince our third room-mate, Tanya, of how good of an idea it was to have a party in our apartment. Tanya could be a bit of a prude. She was a beauty with her long, wavy blonde hair and perfect face but she never did anything to enhance that beauty. Neither Jessica nor I could wrap our heads around why she was the way she was. It's not like she made a conscious decision not to date. She just wasn't interested. At least not in boys. Jessica was convinced Tanya was a secret lesbian. I just thought she was shy.

We met her parents once and they were cool people. Her dad was a doctor that, after a short lecture on safe sex and drugs, gave us condoms and told us about his college days and how he'd met Tanya's mom at a strip club. He then proceeded to talk about the awesome sex they have up to this day and that's when we decided to shut him up with a beer. In retrospect, maybe it wasn't all that weird Tanya was such a reserved girl, considering her parents could be quite the exhibitionists.

I could hear Jessica's chatter throught the paper-thin walls of the aparment we shared.

"But listen, Tanya, there'll be lots of cute boys coming."

"But I thought you had a boyfriend, Jessica."

"Well I can still look can't I? And anyway, it's nothing THAT serious between Chris and I. We're just friends. With benefits." Jessica was a flirt. And everyone knew that. She hadn't had a boyfriend that stayed for longer than 3 weeks in her life but she was the best friend I could've asked for. She was pretty and she did a lot for that prettiness. I knew that most people thought she was a shallow bitch but if you made the effort to get to know her you didn't regret it. I'd known her for as long as I could think and we'd been best friends for just as long. She was the person I could depend on, no matter what. The one constant in my life, apart from my parents.

It was during Jessica's and Tanya's discussion, a discussion I'd normally drown out with my ipod and music but since my ipod broke the day prior that was impossible. A discussion that would turn into an argument soon enough like it always did, on alcohol and it's effects on people, especially men, and their sexuality, that the doorbell rang. Since I couldn't hear the two of them moving their asses towards the front door I left my room and effectively the book I'd been reading with a sigh and opened the front door.

Dread settled in my stomach when I recognized the man that stood outside our apartment as our family lawyer. My dad was an investor, and a successful one as well. At least that's what I'd thought. He took the money people gave him and invested it. It was a win-win situation, he'd always said. He earned his money by helping people win money. Of course, by doing that he'd made himself some enemies. So, he had a lawyer at hand for those rare occasions that someone filed a lawsuit. That lawyer, Jason Jenks, stood outside our apartment now with a solemn expression on his face.

"Miss Swan, do you mind if I come in?" His voice made me antsy. Like as if he had something bad to tell me. For a second I considered just closing the door in his face. Maybe I didn't want to hear what he had to tell me.

"Uh, okay, go ahead. Do you want something to drink or...", I asked leading him into the kitchen.

"No I'm fine, maybe you should sit down." The dread from before returned in full forcem sending my head spinning with worst case scenarios.

"Why are you here? What do you want from me?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Miss Swan you should really sit..."

"No." I could still hear Jessica and Tanya arguing from the other room. They hadn't even heard anyone come in. I felt like I was miles away from them, in another universe. My heart beating a hundred miles a minute. My hands sweating. The uneasy feeling in my stomach getting worse each passing second. He looked me in the eyes and his expression told me everything I needed to know. They had been friends. He and my parents.

"Your..." His voice broke. My tears started to fall. "There was an accident. Your parents. They... They were run off the road. Into a tree. They..." A shaky breath. "They didn't make it. Isabella, I'm so incredibly sorry. They were my friends. I..."

"So... they've been murdered?" The tears continued to fall but I refused to show any emotion in my voice. I didn't want anyone to see me break down. I needed answers.

"Yes." I took a shaky breath feeling my throat constrict. Feeling myself slipping away. Into unconsciousness.

"Who..." I whispered, the pain evident in my voice. I could feel myself fading away, into the dark, where I could escape the pain. I didn't hear the answer to my question till 5 hours later.

When I woke up I was in a hospital room. I lay there with closed eyes telling myself it had all been a dream. That my parents hadn't been killed. That I wasn't completely alone. That my world hadn't been turned upside down.

The man in my room that I once again recognized as Jenks shattered all those hopes. My eyes welled with tears and I couldn't keep the sob from breaking through.

"I haven't been dreaming have I?" I whispered.

"I'm afraid not." he whispered back in a sad voice. His eyes looked tired. I felt bad for him. I'm sure he never signed up for the job of telling his friends' daughter that her parents had been killed.

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><p>"What now?"<p>

As I sat in the cab I thought about what it would mean for me if I didn't get this job. I needed this job.

After my loaded question in the hospital, Jason Jenks had sighed and told me 'with a heavy heart' that my parents had left nothing but debts behind. Apparently my father had done a lousy job at 'helping other people win money' lately, had lost his clients and the economy crisis hadn't helped his case either.

They didn't know who had murdered them. The police suspected it was a client. Someone that had lost their money, but they had no lead at all as to who could've done it. Apparently there was a long list of names.

I thought about the words that had shattered my whole world more than it already was. The words that had constricted my throat with panic and that made all the machines in the room go off and beep in a nervous frenzy.

"What does that mean exactly? I mean... What do I have? Where do I go from here?"

"You have nothing, Isabella. They lost everything. The house, the cars, everything belongs to the bank." So I gave it all up. University. The house. The apartment. My car. Life as I had known it.

Jessica had offered to let me stay in the apartment. But she had done so much already. Taking me in for 2 months. Providing for me. I had to come up with an idea, something that would help me get on my own two feet again. Something that didn't end in me being homeless.

Tanya was the one that came up to me with the idea of starting to be a housekeeper.

"You know, Isabella, we once had a housekeeper and she was amazing. She was my best friend and I think she had a good life with us. She took care of the household and cooked but was payed for it and she lived with us. I just thought you might want to consider it. It's not a bad job, if you live with the right people."

So that's how I had ended up in a cab on my way to the 'Cullen Estate'. After I had put a notice in the paper, Jessica's idea which I thought was ridiculous, a certain Mrs. Cullen had called at the apartment asking for a meeting.

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><p><strong>AN:** Big thanks to Lucy and Linh, always. Gonna update every sunday (hopefully). Tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

Walking up the steps of the mansion was intimitading. I didn't know what to do with myself here. I had always thought our house...the house I grew up in... was big. I had grown up a wealthy child, my parents had got me anything I needed and more, but this was so much bigger than what I had imagined the 'Cullen Estate' to be like. It was a modern house with huge windows overlooking the forest it molded into.

I gave myself a pep-talk before ringing the door bell. I tried to talk myself out of bolting, out of hiding in a bed that didn't belong to me, in an appartment I paid no rent for.

"It's not like you have a choice, Bella. You have to work and as it is, this is your best shot. Don't screw this up. You're lucky they even gave you a chance, with no experience at all.'

It wasn't like I had never cleaned or cooked before. I could do both things. We didn't have a housekeeper or cook at home so we had to do all the cleaning and cooking. And since neither Mom nor Dad could cook all that well I did most of the cooking - but could I cook for the Cullens? They looked like a fancy sort of family and my family had always been rather laid back. Thinking about my childhood days brought a new round of tears to my eyes. I wiped them away with my sleeve and rang the doorbell.

The door opened to a woman with wavy, shining, red hair, not a single hair out of place. Her lips were lipstick red and her mascara was applied perfectly.

"You have to be Isabella Swan, right?" She asked in a voice that was supposed to sound inviting but sounded rather shrill.

Her outstretched hand waited for any kind of confirmation that I was indeed, Isabella Swan. After a few awkward moments of staring at her perfectly manicured fake nails I took her hand and forced a smile to grace my lips.

My dad had always said you could read a lot out of someone's handshake. 'If someone squeezes too hard, he's overcompensating', he had always said. 'If someone's hand just lies lifelessly in your hand, they should really build up some self-esteem. As always it's the golden middle that gives someone the best impression.'

So that's what I remember while shaking her hand. The way she shook my hand, it felt like a threat. As if she was trying to show me who's superior, prettier, better.

When I finally got my mouth to speaking I said, "Yes. I'm Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you." Her cherry red lips curled up into a smile that was probably supposed to placate me but did nothing to calm my nerves.

"My name is Victoria Cullen. Nice to meet you, Isabella. Why don't you come in? I'll show you around."

Stepping into the house, I asked myself how, if I ever even got the job, I was supposed to keep the whole thing clean. It was huge. The hall was huge, with a marble floor and a high ceiling. Steps led up to the huge living room area over which a bridge led into another part of the house. I immediatly noticed the leather couch that could probably fit about fifteen people.

After getting rid of my shoes, that Mrs Cullen looked upon with rather obvious disgust, making me flush in embarrassment, we crossed the hall and she led me into a room to the left of the living room which turned out to be the kitchen. The huge stove in the middle of the room was just waiting to be cooked at. Overall, the house seemed to be spotlessly clean.

She offered me a glass of water and led me into the dining room, telling me to sit down. She sat across from me, tapped her fingernails on her glass in an annoying rhythm and started talking.

"So, Ms Swan, do you have any experience at all at being a housekeeper?" She asked with a smile that was nearly friendly.

"Erm, no. Well I know how to clean and stuff. And to cook. I can cook. But I haven't been anybody's housekeeper before." I probably should have lied. I should've told her I'd been doing this before and had lots of experience at my young age of twenty-two but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because I wanted her to know what she was getting herself into.

"I was wondering... What possesses such a young girl as you to search for a job as a housekeeper?" She asked with curiosity. As if she was waiting for gossip.

"I..." For a second, I contemplated telling her the truth but something told me not to. "I just wanted something different," I said with a forced smile.

"Okay," she said with a sugar-sweet smile. "So when can you start? Our last housekeeper was fired a week ago and I really need someone fast." She flipped her flaming red hair off of her shoulder and was definitely superior to me. Tanya's words rang loud in my head: 'If you live with the right people.' I thought about my options. Could I live with her and her husband, a man I hadn't even met yet? Could I take care of this huge house all by myself? Could I be somewhat happy here?

"I could start today. I'd just need to get my things."

"Excellent. I'll show you around and call a cab for you to get your things later. I expect you to be back at 6pm at the latest. We usually eat at 8pm. My husband's on a business trip right now so you'll only need to cook for me."

She then showed me around. She showed me every single bedroom, their own bedroom, which I was only allowed to clean on certain days, the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, the play room that 'no one ever uses anyway', the library that took my breath away, because I was supposed to clean all that but mainly because of the amount of books it held, the TV room with the huge screen that looked like it had been taken out of the nearest cinema to me, and my room.

As we came to the room down the hall from my room, she stopped and turned around to look at me.

"Don't ever set foot in that room or you're fired. Edward is very strict about that. He cleans everything himself. Not even I'm allowed to walk in there."

When we were done and she had informed me of all my duties, my pay and everything else, she called me a cab and once again told me to be back by 6pm.

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><p>Saying goodbye to Jessica and Tanya was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I wasn't just saying goodbye to two of the best friends and room-mates I could've asked for, I was saying goodbye to life as I had known it, to live with the 'cold witch bitch', as Jessica had called her.<p>

I tried not to cry while hugging them but failed miserably. Jessica got out the booze.

"One last time, just to... You know... Say goodbye to college life!" I had a shot and watched her get drunk for about and hour until I had to go.

"Don't let the witch bitch take you down, B. And you can come back anytime. Just give me a call and I'll come get you." I giggled through my tears and forced out an 'I know'.

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><p>When I got there, with my two suitcases and a bag that held everything dear to me, she sent me to my room to unpack and then handed me a key to the house, a credit card 'which was to be used for grocery shopping purposes only' and the key to a car that was 'mine' from now on.<p>

"Whenever I have something special for you to do a note will hang by the fridge. My husband and I travel a lot so it can happen that you're here all alone. When we're here I expect dinner to be ready at 8 and the house to be clean at all times. My husband can be quite the ass to other people but he's only grumpy most of the time. You'll get used to it. He's supposed to be back tomorrow when I'm out so you have to introduce yourself. Think you're capable of that?" Her snide comment made me shudder and my defensive side spring to life.

"I think I am more than capable. Thanks for you concern." She looked taken aback for a moment but quickly covered it with a smile.

I went grocery shopping, cooked dinner and ate it alone in the kitchen. I wasn't supposed to eat with them. Afterwards, I loaded the dishwasher and after some trying, figured out how to start it. The witch bitch had told me to feel like at home but her icy stare when she had said it told me she didn't exactly mean that so I decided to be cautious while I went and discovered the house.

I noticed was that there weren't any pictures of her or her husband. No picture of the wedding or the honeymoon, no picture of them with their families. The house was decorated in a classy say but without love. It was cold. Just like the people living in it, apparently.

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><p><strong>AN:** Kay so I decided to update early since this is basically only a filler. Next chapter on sunday. Edward on sunday.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong>

As I opened my eyes, I made a conscious decision. A decision to stop mourning the past, to stop mourning the life I would've had and to think of all the things that lay ahead of me. The life ahead of me. The things I had to do to get back on track. To build a life for myself.

Starting with succeeding at this job. With a pang of guilt and shame I realized that this was actually the first job I'd ever had. My whole life I had depended on my parents to be there and to support me, in every way; emotionally and financially. I had always trusted that there would be someone to pay for college, the apartment, even groceries. Simply because someone always had. And now that they were gone, I had nothing.

Three hours later, I was standing in front of the broom closet trying to figure out how to get that… thing… out of there. Looking at it, it didn't look like something someone would call a vacuum cleaner. It was a monstrosity that just waited for me to ruin it. After struggling for a few minutes, I finally managed to drag it out of the closet, got it working and decided to start with the huge carpet in the living room.

I had decided to wear comfortable clothes today – some wide sweatpants and a sweater, my hood over my head, my hair in a ponytail at the back of my neck. I worked hard, humming along to an imaginary song, while vacuuming, when suddenly I heard noises behind me. I whirled around and my one foot got stuck in the leg of my pants which resulted in me stumbling my way across the room until the pole of the hoover landed on the big toe of my right foot.

"Holy fucking shit of a motherfu…" I stopped hopping around on one foot, my hand grasping at my toe trying to soothe it somehow, and found myself staring into the most beautiful green eyes. Even though they looked lifeless to me, they were still the most beautiful set of eyes I'd ever seen.

The next thing I noticed about him was his hair that had a bronze, reddish color. It wasn't the color though that made me smile and cock my head. It was the way it stuck up in all directions all over his head. His nose was a little crooked and I felt the strange urge to run my finger over it. His lips were a beautiful pink and currently curled downwards into a frown.

One thing was clear as day though: Edward Cullen was one beautiful man.

I felt like all the energy in the room had shifted. My focus lay on him, staring at him, gaping at him. I forgot everything around me. Even the pain. All I could concentrate on where those beautiful eyes, those luscious lips and the strange energy cursing through my body.

"If you're not gonna introduce yourself sometime soon I can just come back later. I wouldn't want to interrupt your quiet musings in my house." My gaze fell to the floor.

He stressed _'my' _in an pompous way that made me cringe. His whole demeanor reminded me of who I was; of my position. As I looked up again his gaze, the full intensity of it, the pure disapproval and anger, turned me into this shy servant girl that couldn't get a word out.

"I… I'm sorry I…" When he was fed up with my attempts at speaking, he stormed out of the room with his briefcase in hand. I just stood there shell-shocked by his rudeness as well as beauty. I had never described a man as beautiful before but Edward Cullen was definitely a sexy, rude man that made me tingle in all the right places.

I stood in the hallway outside Mr Cullen's office, waiting for a chance to interrupt Mr and Mrs Cullen's… disagreement. They were arguing about me. He didn't understand why they'd need another housekeeper, why Mrs Cullen couldn't do it herself. He didn't understand what she did all day long, since she obviously didn't work. She argued that she couldn't take care of the big house herself. She also said that her position was first and foremost his wife and that she had to do the things necessary to be a good wife. I stood outside waiting for the perfect moment to interrupt their argument and tell them that dinner was ready.

After a few more moments of Mrs Cullen's whining, the door got thrown open and hit me square in the head. I heard a "shit" and stumbled back onto the opposite wall and held my head with both hands mumbling and cursing to myself.

When I looked up I saw Mr Cullen standing there, his eyes holding me captive once again. I didn't understand why his eyes had such a hold on me, but every time he as much as graced me with a glance, my eyes were immediately drawn to his, turning my brain off completely. While I rubbed the spot the door had hit me, he was looking at me with his usual anger and something that might have been known as sympathy flashed across his face.

I looked at the beautiful man in front of me and suddenly longed for a smile. I longed to see a real smile come over his lips, reaching his eyes. I hadn't seen the man laugh all day long and I doubted I would anytime soon. It made me wonder what made him as unhappy as he was. What was it that made his life that miserable?

The expression of sympathy on his face was immediately replaced with a scowl and before I knew it he stormed past me, down the stairs, without as much as another glance in my direction. I stood there and as the fog lifted from my brain I saw Mrs Cullen staring at me with a million questions in her eyes and a frown on her face.

"I just wanted to inform you that dinner is ready, Mrs. Cullen." She continued looking at me as if I was a riddle to be solved before walking out of the office and down the stairs to eat her dinner. Alone.

In the evening, after having my own dinner in private in my room, I sat in front of my mirror, looking at the bruise that was forming on my head. I closed my eyes and all I saw were Edward Cullen's eyes staring into mine, with that brief flash of sympathy. It made me smile. It worried me – because I had never had that kind of reaction to someone before and it scared me.

I wondered why he wasn't happy. He had a nice house, a wife, money, apparently people eating out of his hands – but through it all he was the unhappiest man I had ever seen. He seemed to be rude and angry and mean and indifferent. Not only towards me, but also towards his wife. It wasn't a loving marriage like my parents' had been. Mr and Mr. Cullen didn't look each other in the eye and smile. They didn't look at each other at all. They avoided each other.

I had never in my life been in love. I had always hoped for it but never found it. I have had boyfriends and flings and even some one night stands, but I had never felt anything for one of them that even closely resembled love. I believed in love; believed that it happened all the time. That people could care for each other to the point of not caring about themselves anymore. The only people I ever loved were my parents and Jessica; and I was happy that way.

When I finally got showered, dressed in my pajamas and crawled into bed I was exhausted but couldn't bring my brain to shut down. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few days; I forced myself not to sink too far in the past and I worried about the future. Yet sometimes, in between thinking and worrying and remembering and reminiscing, a pair of green eyes would flash across my inner consciousness.

After one hour of tossing and turning, I got out of bed and after walking around a bit, landed in the library. I looked through the shelves and admired the wide range of books it held. There were really old lexicons, antique-looking versions of Greek mythology, comics, love stories, classics and new novels. Literally anything a heart could desire.

Just as I was opening one of my favorites, I heard footsteps behind me and jumped. I felt the energy before anything else. Startled, I turned around and saw _him_ standing before me, dressed in only long pajama bottoms and a simple t-shirt, looking at me with his head cocked to the side, contemplating.

"You read?" His voice held wonder in it as if he was surprised I even could read. He looked as if he wanted to figure me out. As if I was something he had to study. His stare along with the tone of his question made my defensive side kick in.

"What are you really asking? If I can read or if I decide to read?"

He stared at me, with his head still cocked to the side, the beginning of a smile on his lips. Not a real smile. Not one that reached his eyes and lit up his whole face. But the beginning of a smile none the less.

"Second one," he said softly, the curiosity burning in his eyes. As if he really wanted to know the answer to my question. As if he had never heard of anyone that read out of pleasure.

"I studied literature in college. So yes, I like reading...a lot."

At my words, the frown appeared again and suddenly he looked ten years older than just a few seconds before. He turned on his heels and walked out of the room, in all his barefoot glory.

I stared after him and wondered what I could have possibly said that had made him feel as unhappy again as he had apparently felt all day long.

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><p><strong>AN:** Let me know what you thought :)


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>

I woke with a start. Flashes of people with red hair and angry faces plagued my dreams. I didn't know anymore what had happened in them. Just that they hadn't been pleasant dreams.

After a week of being at the Cullens' house, my body felt as if it'd been beaten over and over again. I could hardly move my arms from the amount of scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting and cleaning I'd been doing. My legs felt as if they were made out of stone from all the running around, standing and kneeling I'd had to do. Every time I scrubbed, vacuumed, dusted or cleaned something Mrs. Cullen checked it, decided it wasn't good enough for her impeccable taste and let me do it again.

Then again, it wasn't like she was mean about it. She was friendly in her own, weird, bitchy way. She treated me like an employee, not a servant so I was happy. Or as happy as I could be in my situation.

Every day, after I was done with my work and everything was even more quiet in the huge house than it usually was, I would go and visit the library. It was the one part of the house I could relax in, feel like myself again. I could get lost in the characters of a story and in those moments I didn't have a care in the world. Sadly enough, the longest I could last was an hour before exhaustion would take over and I'd quietly make my way back to my bedroom. It happened one more time that Mr. Cullen caught me in the library but as soon as he saw me an unreadable expression came upon his face and he turned around.

I decided to get up and start my day. As I stood in the shower, letting the warm water relax me and my nerves, I thought about all the things that were expected of me here. All the stuff I was expected to do once again today: clean, cook, clean some more. I enjoyed the warm spray of the water on my body, soothing my muscles when I realized that I hadn't called Jessica ever since I left our apartment that day. Since I didn't have a phone, I would've to ask Mrs. Cullen if I could use their landline.

I traipsed down into the kitchen, dressed in only my robe, and prayed to god that Mrs. Cullen, and only Mrs. Cullen, was home. As soon as I stood in the doorway though, I started cursing. Internally of course. With a coffee in his hand – he drank a lot of coffee – and his business suit on, stood Edward Cullen, looking totally relaxed and sexy, reading the newspaper at the counter. I stood there, undecided whether I should go in and just ask him, or wait for Mrs. Cullen. I started chewing on my fingernail, weighing off the pros and cons of just asking him. He made me nervous as fuck and there would be a big possibility that I'd put my foot in my mouth again. It could very well happen that he'd get angry at me again, as he'd done so all week long, for all the little things I had apparently done wrong.

I couldn't stop thinking about him as well. Every time he as much as looked at me I forgot how to speak properly and just stood there, gaping in his direction. I felt stupid for it but I couldn't help it. I was back to being a little girl in kindergarten that had a crush on the meanest boy in class.

After a few more moments of quiet contemplation, I muttered, "Fuck it" and just set my foot into the kitchen when suddenly he whirled around effectively spilling all of the hot coffee over his trousers.

"Holy fucking shit, woman are you fucking crazy? What were you doing there sneaking around? Fuck, you've ruined my fucking suit…" He started spurting off and I just stood there, staring, wondering why something like that happened every time I was in his presence. He started to dab the coffee off his suit as best as he could while I started apologizing.

"Sir, I'm sorry I was just…" I started, stopping when I saw his expression.

"WHAT?" He snarled, looking scarily angry, still dabbing at his suit while staring into my nervous face.

I couldn't stop staring at him. Even angry, he was the most handsome man I'd ever seen in my life. He had apparently combed through his hair today but failed at the attempt at getting it under control. His eyes were staring into mine with an intensity that took my breath away, and he was breathing heavily, mouth open, licking his lips. I imagined what it would be like to kiss him but shook that thought off as soon as it came. He was my boss. A mean one at that. And he was married.

After staring at his face for a few more moments, I got my brain working again and started babbling.

"I was… well… I was coming down here to ask Mrs. Cullen… or I guess you, since you're the only one here… obviously since I just scared you to hell and back and made you spill your coffee all over your expensive looking suit and made you hate me more than you already do but… I just wanted to ask, am I allowed to use the landline from time to time? Like, not… 24/7, talking to some non-existent boyfriend or anything just… I'd like to call my friends. They worry. And I don't have a phone anymore… I don't really have anything anymore… so… yeah…"

His mouth fell open again, and his tongue came out to lick his lips. He just gaped at me for a few seconds before answering with a breath, "Yeah, sure."

"Thanks, Sir."

I was just about to turn around when I heard him say, "I don't… I don't hate you."

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><p>I decided to start with looking up some 'elegant meals' for dinners with guests. Mrs Cullen had warned me that from time to time, guests would come over for dinner and I was expected to cook on those occasions. One of those occasions being tonight. I didn't think that spaghetti with meatballs would be their food of choice so I had to look up some recipes.<p>

After doing that, I decided to call Jessica and ask her to meet for grocery shopping for the gourmet dinner I was supposed to cook out of nowhere. I had never cooked something like that before since my parents had been rich, but had never really liked dinner parties of any kind or always hired a cook for those occasions, so I was clueless about what I should make. I started with grocery shopping because apparently even the Cullens didn't have truffle and caviar in boxes in their pantry.

"Do you even know where to find all that… stuff you have on here?", Jessica asked after I had showed her my list, outside our old apartment. We would go shopping together, in my 'work car' as I called it. It was some Toyota Hybrid car.

"Yeah, I looked it all up. Plus I have this shiny, golden credit card to pay it all with because neither you nor I would be able to pay for all the shit we're going to get today," I smiled waving the card around in front of her face.

"Oh, bitch. I want a job where I can get a credit card on top of a nice house with a nice car and a nice looking boss."

In my stupidity I'd told her about Edward and how he was the most handsome man I had ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.

"It's not… like that. It's hard work. Like really hard work. I clean and scrub and polish all day long. Two days ago, she told me she wants all windows of the house done at least twice a month. And she said it with a grimace. As if she wanted to say 'twice a month is really not enough.' I do my best, Jess, really, and still she lets me do most stuff twice.", I whined, because even though I was as happy as I could be in my current situation, and even though I was thankful that the Cullen's had given me a job, had taken me in, I couldn't not whine. This life was such a far shot from what I was used to. I had gone from hero to zero, losing everything.

"Oh my god, I wanna cut that witch bitch," she muttered under her breath, making me laugh. "Seriously Bells, just say the words and I'll come get you. You move in with us and we'll find you a job and everything. My parents can help. We can do that."

"No, Jess. It's okay there, really. I kinda even like it." I said, blushing. She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. I stared straight ahead, looking at the road, avoiding any kind of eye contact.

"You like him. You do."

"I don't. He's married and he's a total ass. Yeah, okay, he's nice to look at," I admitted, making Jess cock her eyebrow. "Okay," I went on, "very nice, but that doesn't change the fact that he's scowling and screaming at me every chance he gets." I told her, for some reason not wanting to tell her more. It felt like it was my own, personal secret to keep. It felt personal.

"You still like him," she smiled, sure of herself.

I just grinned, not replying.

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><p><strong>AN:** I'd love to hear your thoughts :) Next chapter is gonna bring some drama.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 15:<strong>

After my little confession in the car, I couldn't help but berate myself minutes after.

Firstly, because Edward Cullen didn't see a girl or a woman in me, didn't see me as a female person someone could find desirable. All he saw was the housekeeper, the maid, the cook that allowed him to live the 'easy' way he lived. And even though he had said he didn't hate me, he hated having me here, having to pay me for snooping around in his house.

Secondly, because Edward Cullen was married. A married man that, even though he didn't exactly seem to be happy, was still as unavailable as he could be. He must have loved her at some point and I wouldn't ever hurt her, or him, like that. I owed Victoria Cullen a lot and even though she may be a bitch, she never treated me disrespectfully.

Thirdly, because Edward Cullen was an asshole. He liked screaming at me and looking down at me. He made it clear he didn't approve of having me as a housekeeper, and even though he liked screaming at me and told me over and over again, with his words and his gazes, that he hated having me in his house, I knew he was a good man. A good man that was just angry and disappointed in life. And I didn't know what made him turn into this sad, angry man but I knew that I'd give anything to see him smile. Just once.

This was a déjà-vu I didn't necessarily want a repeat of. I was standing in the kitchen, trying to make dinner and have it ready by 8 pm. Apparently. some important business guests where coming over today and Mrs. Cullen had repeatedly told me that they needed to make a good impression because "this was important for Edward and the company". I didn't know what company she was talking about but I knew I wanted to succeed and maybe, just for a second, make him smile.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were in the living room, arguing once again. I had heard them argue a lot but usually, I make myself disappear as soon as I get wind of it. That wasn't possible today though so, because the kitchen and the living room were really close and the door wasn't closed, I had to listen.

"Victoria, I'll tell you one last fucking time. You do not need a personal stylist."

It sounded as if he was grinding his teeth while saying that.

"Edward, you have no idea how much time that'd spare me. I could do more stuff with my friends and spend less time on worrying about how to be pretty."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Victoria, your whole life revolves around the subject of beauty and looking like a Barbie. I can't believe I'm having this conversation. You love shopping. Why do you want someone to do that for you?"

"It's not only about shopping, Edward. She'd help me with picking out clothes everyday and do my make-up and stuff. It's like a personal assistant more than a stylist," she said with a pout I could even hear in her voice.

"So you want another person traipsing around all day in here? Can't the… girl do that? Pick out your clothes and do your make-up and stuff?" he asked with a sneer.

"Have you seen her?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and pretended I didn't hear their conversation. I didn't want to hear his answer to that question. I dreaded it. I knew that Victoria didn't exactly think I was a beauty queen and even though it hurt hearing, I wasn't surprised. Hearing his answer would probably hurt more than anything she could say would though.

"She's beautiful," he whispered, as if talking to himself.

I didn't need to see Victoria's face to know she was fuming.

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><p>I was able to get through most of dinner without drawing any more attention to myself than I needed to. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the 'important dinner guests' were, as far as I could tell, nice people although a bit snobbish. Mrs. Cullen seemed to be eagerly making a new friend, talking about the house and all its decoration and architecture. Mr. Cullen and Mr. Smith seemed to be engrossed in some economy discussion. Every time I walked into that room I felt that feeling pulse through me, the electricity... and even though Mr. Cullen seemed to be paying full attention to his guests, I noticed how from time to time, when I was there, his gaze would flicker to me for only a tiny second before anyone noticed. And in that tiny second, his eyes held so much confusion and indecisiveness, in the midst of all the intensity. They were a pool of emotion staring at me, lightening my whole body, making me feel alive for the first time ever since my parents had died.<p>

When I finally brought dessert in, after 2 hours of running back and forth and exhausting myself, I was tired and ready to go to bed. I had made mousse au chocolate. Not the real one that took you ages to make, but the one from the package where all you needed was a little milk and a blender. And it was that mousse au chocolate, from a package with a little milk, that I spilled all over Mr. Smith's trousers. He gasped, looking at the mess I'd created, the mousse sitting in his lap. I could only hear Mr. Cullen's sharp intake of breath before tears sprang to my eyes.

"Mr. Smith, I'm so sorry, please forgive me," I panicked. "Oh my god, why do I always have to screw stuff up…" I rambled in a shaky tone, not knowing what to do. I didn't exactly want to touch him there but I needed to do something.

"Get a fucking cloth or something." Mr. Cullen snarled, not looking me in the face but staring at a spot, somewhere above me.

I scrambled away, only returning a few minutes later when I had found a wet cloth Mr. Smith could clean himself with. Upon seeing my terrified face, he only said, "Don't worry girl, it's really not that big of a deal," and winked at me.

I looked up into the eyes of Mr. Cullen but he didn't look at me. He stared at that imaginary spot again, his eyes cold, not showing any kind of emotion. All of the electricity and tingly feelings were gone and I felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured over my head, leaving me shuddering.

"You're fired."

His hard gaze flickered to my face and got caught there, staring into my eyes, filled with tears. Brimming. I stared into his eyes for a second longer, not wanting to look like the weak little girl, and glared at him with everything I got in me before turning on my heels and walking to my room to pack my things.

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><p>I was just about to pull the zipper on my bag, wiping the tears off my cheeks with the sleeves of my hoodie, when I heard the door to my room creak open. Immediately, I knew it was him. The tingling was back, but it didn't bring a smile to my face this time. It only made me angrier. Angry at him for humiliating me over and over again. For treating me like some piece of shit. For being so beautiful. For making me like him, even though his actions clearly screamed that he was anything but likeable. Angry at me for thinking he could be something different. For thinking he was just angry and fed up with the world. For ever allowing myself to even like him a tiny little bit.<p>

I whirled around staring into his face, getting angrier by the second.

"What fucking ever gives you the right to come in here? Just, for the last few minutes, let me be here, alone, please." I stared at him, the tears still brimming in my eyes. I needed to continue. "I actually thought that you were somewhat of a nice person. Even though you screamed at me, humiliated me and hurt my feelings over and over again it didn't matter because I knew, somewhere down there you had to be a nice person. There were those moments where I saw a flicker in your eyes, of kindness or compassion or something similar and I thought, 'Give him a chance, he's a genuinely nice person, maybe you can even be friends sometime.' Maybe I interpreted everything wrong. Maybe there was nothing there between us. Maybe I imagined it all but I… I looked at you and my whole body started doing those weird things and… I wanted to get to know you. And I kept telling myself that maybe, just maybe, you felt the same way. I…" I ran a shaky hand through my hair. "I haven't cried since I left everything I knew behind to join you here, because your wife was nice enough to give a girl that had no experience at all, a shot. And even though she's such an exhausting and bitchy person, she's better than you because she never managed to hurt me the way you did. I was wrong about you. So fucking wrong. You're not nice. You're not good. You're just… I think you've been angry for too long, Edward. And I don't know why you're angry but I tell you what, I'm glad you fired me before all your anger and your sadness could suck me in deeper."

I didn't even care that I had practically bared my soul to him. I didn't want to care anymore. I took my single bag into my hand and stared him in the eyes one more time. The eyes that still, even through all the hurt and humiliation, drew me in.

"Goodbye, Sir." I was at the doorway when I heard a whisper that made me stop in my tracks.

"Don't go."

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><p><strong>AN:** Thank you so much for all the reviews/alerts on this story. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think :)


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own anything Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 6:<strong>

_ I took my single bag into my hand and stared him in the eyes one more time. The eyes that still, even through all the hurt and humiliation, drew me in._

_ "Goodbye, Sir." I was at the doorway when I heard a whisper that made me stop in my tracks._

_ "Don't go."_

* * *

><p>I didn't know what to say, what to do, other than stand there. Staring at the floor. I couldn't even think right; because the way he had uttered those words only made me want to do one thing: Run back and hug him, soothe him, make him better.<p>

Those two words were uttered with so much hurt, regret, longing and hesitancy and in that second I knew I hadn't imagined things. I hadn't imagined that connection in the library. I hadn't made up the electric current that ran through me every time he stepped into a room. I hadn't misinterpreted the looks he had given me, although full of anger, still laced with something else. Longing.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, because even though my whole body, and heart, screamed at me not to go my brain knew I had to. For my own sanity. For my well-being. Being here would make me miserable in the long run; would break my heart. He was married. He was unavailable. He was angry and hurt and broken. And I didn't know if I could ever repair that. If his wife couldn't, how could I?

"I… The few minutes we've been together every day, have been the happiest few minutes of my life." Nothing more than a whisper but I had understood him. All the air left my lungs in a whoosh.

"You screamed at me, humiliated me, looked at me as if I was nothing more than a servant, every day ever since I've been here."

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"The things I could lose."

I turned around, staring him in the eyes. I was startled by their intensity. Startled by how clear they looked. Raw. Begging me not to hurt him anymore than he already was.

Forcing myself not to get caught in them I said simply, "I don't understand."

"I know." He didn't offer more than that. Just an 'I know', leaving me asking. We just stood opposite each other, staring. Caught up in each other, out thoughts.

There were so many questions running through my head, so many decisions to make and the only thing I was sure of was that Edward Cullen harbored a secret. And even though myself staying could make him 'lose things' he still asked me to stay. Asked me to not leave him here alone. Asked me to help him.

Before my brain could catch up to what my body was doing I walked towards my bed, put my suitcase down and started unpacking.

I heard him breathe a sigh of relief before he left the room.

* * *

><p>The next day I went to work as if nothing had happened. Mr. Cullen wasn't here and Mrs. Cullen's mood wasn't the best. She made me clean all the windows in the house, some of them twice, before telling me her bathroom needed a good scrubbing.<p>

By the time I got to work on the bathroom, my arms hurt from holding them up all day to clean the windows. My fingers were raw and I was lightheaded from the window cleaning product I'd been using.

After chugging down a whole bottle of Dr Pepper and feeling sick afterward, I made my way upstairs to start on the bathroom. I was in the process of cleaning the already impeccable bathtub, standing in the middle of it, the legs of my sweats pushed up to my thighs, using the spray to get rid of the polish, when the door burst open, startling me nearly making me slip. Somehow, I held myself upright and saw Mr. Cullen standing there, gaping.

"I'm sorry I… I was just…"

I tried to keep myself from grinning that this time he was the one to stutter, but in my tired state it was next to impossible.

"Why are you grinning?" He asked and the hint of the smile was back. And that simple knowledge made my grin turn into a full smile.

"You stuttered. Normally I'm the one stuttering." I explained, my smile still intact.

"Yeah..." he continued to stare at me, the subtle smile slowly turning into a frown. "Are you okay?" He asked, looking me in the eyes.

"Yeah," I answered, feeling a blush envelope my cheeks, forcing me to look down.

"Because you don't look good," he continued.

"It's just… Today was a hard day. That's all." I looked up and saw his eyes swim with sympathy.

"Did she…" He broke off, looked at me one more time and stormed downstairs.

The next thing I heard was Mr. and Mrs. Cullen fighting. Why, I didn't know, but I had a guess.

* * *

><p>At 9 o'clock I lay in my bed on my back, in my pajamas, staring at the ceiling. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Cullen had decided to go out today so I was freed of dinner duty. I ordered pizza and watched some TV before going up to my room and getting myself ready for bed. I was exhausted. Physically and mentally. All I wanted was to curl up and go to sleep but my mind wouldn't let me.<p>

I couldn't help but replay the encounter in the bathroom over and over again, asking myself why things still were so awkward between us, and telling myself over and over again to not get sucked in. To wait for him to make the moves. If he wanted to be friends, or be friendly, he'd have to be the one to initiate it.

I didn't allow myself to think past the term of "friends". Mainly, because he was a married man. He had vowed to stay together with that woman until his dying day. Secondly, because even though his admission about liking me, about being happy with me, had sparked hope inside me that he might feel the same way, I still didn't think he'd want anything more. He must have loved his wife at some point, and neither he nor I would destroy that. Thirdly, because I had to think of myself, first and foremost – I had to protect myself. He'd hurt me before. And I'd promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to get sucked in even deeper without a way out.

After another two hours of lying in my bed, contemplating our recent encounter, whilst at the same time telling myself to stop thinking about him, I got up and tiptoed my way out of my room.

When I entered the library I took a deep breath and smiled. The smell of books reminded me of so much; of laughter and love, of comfort, of family. It reminded me of how, when I was younger, my dad used to read me a bedtime story every day he could get away with it. It reminded me of how he always said the smell of a book being opened was something unique, one of the best smells in the world. It reminded me of my elementary teacher that would stay at school one hour longer with me, simply to read a book and talk to me about it. It reminded me of the campus library and the crush I'd had on the librarian. On the days I'd spend there just staring at him. It reminded me of happiness.

I took the book I'd been reading lately and curled up on a chair, secretly hoping for sleep to overwhelm me so I could finally get some rest. I don't know how much time had passed when I heard footsteps come down the hall and the door to the library creaked open. My heart sped up and I could feel the electricity, could feel the pull it had on my body.

He stepped in and closed the door behind him. He was wearing sweatpants and a normal, white T-shirt. The second I lay my eyes on him I knew that this was by far my favorite Edward.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" He asked with a little smile in his voice. It made me smile. To know he didn't mind me here. To know he wouldn't scream at me for being here. To know he maybe even wanted me here. To know I had provoked the smile in his voice.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep, Mr. Cullen?" I countered, smiling.

He cocked his head to the side and the almost-smile made a reappearance; but he was still guarded. Still not trusting himself. Still scared.

"Call me Edward...in here. I… I don't want to be Mr. Cullen here." He walked over, took a chair, turned it around, the backrest to me, and sat down opposite me. His arms were folded over the backrest and he laid his chin down on his arms. He looked relaxed. As if he wanted to be here.

"Would you mind some company? I normally come here every night to read, since I don't exactly have much time to do that during the day." He explained.

"Don't you need sleep sometime?" I asked, genuinely curious about his schedule, about him.

"I don't really sleep a lot..." A frown graced his face. I wanted to touch the crease between his brows. Smooth it out. Make it go away – some way or the other.

I desperately tried to keep the mood light but it was hard. He just stared at me. His eyes, which each second that trickled by, seemed to relax more.

"What are you reading there?" He reached out and grabbed for the book, wanting to read the title. It was that second his fingers graced my hand and startled I looked up, seeing his eyes bore into mine with intensity. I had never felt as good as in that one second he had touched me. It felt as if I was alive. Alive again, gasping for breath after being under water for months.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"I'm not."

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><p><strong>AN:** Edward is warming up a bit. Tell me what you think :)


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 7:<strong>

The rest of the week went by rather uneventfully. We talked a bit whenever he got home from work. He was friendly and amicable. We talked about the weather or what I had done that day. Mindless chatter, each of us trying not to say something we might regret later. I went to the library every night. And nearly every night I met Edward there.

We talked about our favorite books, our least favorite books, our favorite and least favorite characters, favorite quotes, our guilty pleasures. He was open in the library. He was himself and he was sweet, attentive and caring. He was the Edward I'd been looking for and dreading all the same. Looking for because I knew, I always knew, he was in there somewhere, hiding behind the walls he'd built for years. And dreading because falling for Mr. Cullen wasn't allowed. It was a bad idea and I knew that; but falling for sweet, attentive and caring Edward was easy.

I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, as I did so often these days. I couldn't escape my thoughts. Not during cleaning, not in my free-time, not even during sleeping. I dreamed of him every night. Some nights he was Edward. Sweet, caring, loving, attentive. Some nights he was Mr. Cullen.

It was Saturday, my day off and since I'd gotten my first paycheck the day prior, the first thing I wanted to get was some mp3 player. I knew I needed a cell. Badly. But I also needed something to distract myself with. At least during work. And I missed music. I'd always loved it, obsessed over it and since my broken iPod wouldn't do me any good, I needed a new one.

Since I ran around in sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie, my hair in a ponytail pretty much all week I decided to get dressed up a bit today. I used to love to do it as a child, and even later on. My mom and I used to have dress-up Saturdays, twice a month, where we would just get all glammed up for no special reasons other than to feel pretty. She always said, "It's important to feel pretty, Bella. If you feel pretty, you feel confident and everyone needs confidence, sweetie." Later on, whenever Jessica and I went to parties we'd spend hours getting ready, simply because it made you feel confident and we had fun doing it. And even though I'd always been more into comfortable clothes that didn't mean I'd run around looking like I just got out of bed. Not even at the Cullens'.

After getting showered, dressed up, putting my make-up on and getting ready to leave, I skipped down the stairs, on my way to the kitchen to get the car keys, when I came to a stop. The first thing I saw was a lot of smoke. The next thing I saw was Mr. Cullen waving around with a dish towel, trying desperately to keep the smoke from sending the smoke alarm into a frenzy. The third thing I saw was the pan, full of spaghetti that wasn't cooked yet and tomato sauce.

I stood there, completely shocked, and just stared. That was until his eyes met mine and I couldn't help but burst out laughing at his panicked expression. He fake-scowled at me, his eyes sparkled playfully for a second before he smiled. A real smile. One that was meant for me.

And in that moment it felt as if the electric current exploded in my tummy and did all these things, sending a blush to my cheeks and an even bigger smile than before to my face.

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><p>After I'd helped him clean up and explained that he needed to cook spaghetti in water before being able to add the sauce to them, we stood opposite each other on the stove, before he blurted out, "You look beautiful."<p>

I didn't even have time to react before he started blabbering on.

"Where were you planning on going?" He asked me. I was still in a slight shock so it took me a few seconds to answer.

"Shopping." I shook my head clearing it of the fog. "I need an iPod or something and I got my paycheck from Mrs. Cullen yesterday so I thought today is as good a day as any."

"Would… Can I come? I mean, Vicki's away for the weekend, shopping or something, somewhere and I… I'm free and don't have anything to do so I thought…"

My whole body tingled. Partly from excitement, partly from fear. I was afraid that if we spent a whole day together we might destroy what we had. What we had worked on building up the last week.

"Erm… Sure." I grabbed the car keys. "But I'm driving."

"No." His answer was abrupt. As if it was a programmed answer. As if he'd never not driven.

"Excuse me?"

"I always drive." His face was back to being Mr. Cullen. Cold. Distant.

"Well, not today."

"I'm your boss." Those words uttered with his facial expressions hurt. And I remember all the times he'd hurt me before. And I remember why I couldn't allow him to get to me. I walked out and got into the car. I was about to drive off when suddenly the passenger seat door got wrenched open and he sat down.

"I'm sorry! I…" He sat there, hands in his lap, fumbling, searching for the right words. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

It was even clearer now than it had ever been that there were two sides to him. And something told that he was desperate to share that carefree side with me but was afraid to do so. He'd been that cold, distant man for so long. But then again I didn't want to be that woman. That woman that accepted anything from a man. Every insult, every humiliation. I didn't want to just swallow it all. So I just drove, staring straight ahead, not minding him. Silently demanding an explanation.

"Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry." Silence. Minutes passed.

"Damn it, Bella. I told you I'm sorry okay?" More silence.

"Look, as a kid my… my mom and I had an accident and… I mean, I was scared and I hate not being in control ever since then." I looked over and saw the pain in his eyes. Speaking of his mother. And I knew that there was more to the story. Things that made him the man he was. Things that turned him into Mr. Cullen.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said, my voice sympathetic. Trying to convey how sorry I really was. "...But you can trust me."

He looked at me and whispered, "I know."

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><p>Searching for a parking space on a Saturday wasn't an easy task. Searching for a parking space with Edward Cullen in the car was even worse. All he did was order me around, telling me where to go, what space to take.<p>

"You start near the entrance door and drive back if you don't find anything there, that's just logical."

"I'm not one of those people that are too lazy to walk a bit and just squeeze themselves in somewhere."

"Oh. So you're one of those that can't park then."

"Shut up! You're such an ass sometimes...God!" Yet I couldn't help but giggle.

After at least fifteen minutes of bickering back and forth, I finally found something that suited both our tastes, even though he still grumbled under his breath while I laughed at him all the way to the entrance.

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><p>Apparently Edward was the kind of man that couldn't function without his food and "much less go fucking shopping without having something between my teeth first" as he called it. So we went to get some pizza. He moaned the whole way through it making me seriously consider driving down here and getting exactly that kind of pizza every night from now on just to hear him make those sounds.<p>

"I should just fucking go here every day but Vicky insists on home-cooked meals and shit."

"I can make a pizza like that, you know," I said.

"You can?" He looked up for two seconds, wonder in his eyes.

"Sure," I shrugged. He rewarded me with a smile again.

"It's a deal then."

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><p>Standing in line to pay for my newest item with an Edward Cullen that shifted from one foot to the other the whole-fucking-time was infuriating and at the same time fucking cute.<p>

"Are you always like this?"

At first he looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. The crease between his brows that made me go insane appeared again. Before I had the chance to do anything stupid though he finally got it and said with a grin and a wink.

"I'm an impatient man, Isabella."

The fog in my head reappeared, making it hard to think or even breathe. I never knew that having that kind of power over someone else was possible. That someone would have the power to literally take my breath away with a simple look. I'd always thought that pull to be near him would clear when we were actually together, doing stuff, but it never did. It was just as strong as ever.

My mom used to tell me that I should never settle. Never settle for anything less than perfection. And I'd always thought it was ridiculous to say that because nobody was perfect. There was no man out there that would never make a mistake, have no regret in the world. But looking into the eyes of Edward Cullen I knew what she meant. I finally understood; because ultimately it didn't matter if he was perfect. Edward Cullen was anything but perfect. He was an impatient, angry, controlling asshole that none the less took my breath away with his smiles, his ability to make me feel loved again, to make me feel wanted. And I knew I had made the mistake of distinguishing between those two sides of him. Both of those sides were him. They made him the man he was today. And even though I'd promised myself to never explore that side, to shut that side of him out of my life, the side that was broken, I knew I couldn't do that.

I understood that a man didn't have to be perfect, to be perfect for me.

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><p><strong>AN:** Share your thoughts :)


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8:<strong>

I stood in the shower thinking about my day. About how playful and caring he had been today. About what a great man he really was; about how he had done all those little things like open doors for me, or taking my jacket for me. About how nobody had ever done anything like that for me. I wondered if he knew how much this meant to me. This friendship. How much he meant to me. I wondered if he felt the same way.  
>When I got out and decided to just try and shut my brain off for the rest of the evening, I noticed I didn't have any clothes in here. I brushed my hair, slung a towel around myself and walked out into my room and rummaged around in my drawers when suddenly the door got yanked open. I shot up and stared into Edward's eyes, watching him go from shocked to completely flustered, looking at the floor.<br>"I was… I was wondering… Shit. I should really learn to knock…" I couldn't help but giggle at him. His flushed cheeks, how he fidgeted with his hands, how he stared at the floor desperately avoiding eye contact.  
>"Do you… wanna watch a movie?" He finally looked up, his eyes slowly taking me in. No man had ever looked at me the way he had in that moment and I could feel the electricity crackling. I didn't feel like giggling anymore. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't do anything other than breathe. His eyes were burning, swimming with emotion and desire. He wasn't fidgeting anymore. He stared me in the eyes and I was caught. Like his prey. Helpless. Hopeless.<br>"I'll be right down." I finally managed to croak out before turning around and bolting into the bathroom. I slid down to the door and just sat there, head in hands, asking myself why I'd have to feel this kind of attraction to a man that was so unattainable. I didn't understand how someone could have this kind of power over me. How he could make my heart speed up, my palms sweaty, make me breathe in gasps, make me feel attractive and attracted. I thought about the night before, lying in bed, thinking about him. I didn't understand how I could feel so helpless and safe at the same time whenever I was near him. I asked myself how it was possible that he was the only person that could make me feel something apart from numb ever since my parents' death. How he was the only person that could make me feel as alive, as I've never felt before.

* * *

><p>When I finally, after a small pep talk, made it downstairs, he was in the kitchen, rummaging around in the fridge. He was muttering to himself again and from what I gathered, complaining that there was no food left.<br>"Erm, there's nothing in there. Well, nothing edible anyway. But I can go grocery shopping real fast and make you something , it's really no big deal." I said and started gathering the things I'd need.  
>"No. We'll go out." He said it as a statement.<br>"Go out?"  
>"Yes. I'll take you out."<br>"Where?" I might have sounded suspicious.  
>"To a restaurant, Isabella. It's not like this… like we're having a date. It's just friends grabbing a bite to eat." He said the words as if he didn't want them to be said. As if he hated for them to be said. And even though I knew we could never be anything more than friends, it still hurt hearing it from his mouth.<br>"No. I'm not gonna let you spend that much money on me." I said.  
>"I'd spend any kind of money on you." He whispered, looking me straight in the eye. And I couldn't help the small smile that broke out on my face that chased all the sad thoughts away. After a few moments I looked up at him. "We're just gonna go to some fast-food place."<br>He scrunched up his face, "I've never been to one of those… things before."  
>"Never?" I could hear the disbelief in my voice and feel my mouth hang open.<br>"No. Do you have any idea what happens to the… stuff they offer before it turns into food?"  
>"No. And I don't wanna know. All I know is that it's delicious and that you and I are gonna move our asses and eat at one right now." He cocked his head to the side, looking at me standing there, arms folded across my chest, standing on one foot while the other one tapped the floor in an annoying rhythm. I could see his inner struggle but before I could say any more he snatched the keys out of my hand, laughed at my dumbfounded face and said, "I'm driving."<p>

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm letting her do this to me." Edward was muttering to himself as if I wasn't even there. I laughed silently, biting my lip to keep myself from cracking up. His brows furrowed whenever he looked at me, as if he was contemplating how he could take me down. As if he wanted to get out of that deal right this second and never set foot into a fast food restaurant.<br>He made a huge affair out of stepping foot into the "home of the death of any balanced diet" as he called it. After several minutes of "Are you sure everything's clean in there?" and "Get your ass moving, mister" I just grabbed his hand to pull him inside.  
>The moment I grabbed it, all the playful energy vanished though and it was like my eyes were drawn to his face. For a few, tense moments I just stared at his face, caught in his eyes. I felt his thumb move across my knuckles two times before he let go of my hand, cleared his throat noisily and said, "Shall we get moving now or..." After snorting, followed by blushing, one last time at his comment, I walked in, pretending not to care if he decided to follow me.<p>

* * *

><p>Finally biting into my burger was heaven. We were sitting in a booth, him opposite me, both of our meals in front of us. Edward was still staring at his burger, looking as if he really feared for his life.<br>"So, as soon as you're done staring that burger down, I'd like to play 20 questions."I said. I wanted to know more about him. Needed to know more. He looked at me suspiciously, before finally taking a bite of his burger. I could see him trying to hide the grin that was threatening to break his face in half. His eyes closed and a small smile spread across his face.  
>I looked at him expectantly, demanding an answer. After swallowing he looked at me and finally said, "Okay, so it's delicious. Thanks for bringing me here." His smile. Breathtaking. A real one.<br>"So, 20 questions?"  
>"Yup. I'll start... I promise, I'll go easy on you. What's your favorite movie and why?"<p>

He answered without a hint of hesitation. As if he'd had to give this answer a lot in his life. As if he'd thought about this a lot in his life, "Forrest Gump. He... He makes it. He's born as this... really stupid person but he still made it because he always believed in himself. Throughout the whole movie he never once doubted or regretted his actions. I still fail to do that."  
>His eyes looked down at the table; his eyes sad. I didn't want this whole thing to be sad but I knew that he had a lot of feelings about himself and his life. And I wanted to get to know him. Every part of him.<br>"Your turn." I whispered.  
>"Are you happy? Right now I mean. With your life?" It was as if his eyes were pleading for the right answer.<br>"I am. I'm happy. " I answered. I was. I knew I was happy as things were right now. And I was terrified. Terrified of my feelings, of what those feelings might bring, of the future and of my past, but right this second, I was happy.  
>"I haven't been this happy in a long, long time, Edward." A sad smile spread across his face.<br>"That's good. That's good, I guess." It was as if he wanted to say something else entirely though.  
>"Do you have any regrets? Stuff you did that you would take back if you could?"<br>"I have tons of regrets, Isabella. Tons. There are few decision in life that I'm proud of."  
>"Why? I mean. What could you possibly regret? You have a beautiful wife, a huge house, a job. You're loved." I started fidgeting with a string on my hoodie. I couldn't look him in the eye. I didn't wanna know the answer to those questions. I didn't really wanna hear him say that his life was, in fact, good and he was just a grouch. Instead of giving me an answer though he asked his very own question, "And you're not?"<br>"Not anymore." I could feel the tears stinging. I refused to let him see me cry though.  
>"Bella, why did you choose to start working as a housekeeper? Why are you not going to university?" His voice was full of concern. As if he wanted these things for me.<br>"My parents. They died. In a car crash." The silence surrounding us in the middle of a fast food restaurant was loud. For a few seconds he just stared.  
>"I'm-" He started, before I cut him off.<br>"I know."  
>"You loved them."<br>"Yes."  
>"But you're happy right now."<br>"Edward?" I waited for him to look up. "Have you ever loved someone? Like, really loved?" He stared at me. Into my eyes. Into my soul. His eyes shimmering. Radiating. Trying to tell me things he wouldn't dare to tell me in person.  
>And his voice held no doubt when he said, "Yes."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hope you liked it :)


	9. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9:<strong>

The following silence was awkward. The way his eyes had stared into mine, I hoped he'd wanted to say more. He'd longed to say more but he didn't dare do it. And I understood. So I said the only thing I could think of.

"I have the same fears you have." He laughed at that. Not a real one. Not one of my laughs.

"I highly doubt that, Ms. Swan." With that he was back to Mr. Cullen. Angry at himself; at the world. We left shortly after that. The silence was awkward and defeating. It was as if he was berating himself internally. As if he knew he'd said too much. As if he somehow wished he could take it back.

We didn't speak a word in the car. The tension was radiating off him, making me even more uncomfortable than before. In the small space it felt suffocating. And even though I could see he was angrily gripping the steering wheel and grinding his teeth together I still felt drawn to him. I longed to pry his hands off the wheel and run my hand through his hair to soothe him. Some way. Somehow. I wanted to convince him that this situation wasn't hopeless. That whatever he felt or did, it would be okay in the end. That somehow it would work out. Because it always did in life.

* * *

><p>Back at the Cullens' I got out of the car as fast as I could and was already on my way up to my room when he called out for me.<p>

"Isabella I… what I said back there… I… I know there has been this tension and… I could really use a friend right now…. Just… a friend." Even through my conflicting emotions about what he had said, even though I knew we weren't friends, even though I knew I would always want more than friendship, I also knew that it was wrong of me to want that. And I would take anything he offered as long as he didn't ask me to leave.

So I tilted my head to the side and just said, "I'd be honoured to be your friend, Mr. Cullen. You better go choose a movie. I'm going to get changed."

* * *

><p>The rest of the week was unspectacular. Mrs. Cullen returned on Monday and I feared her return, feared what it might bring with it. I didn't want to go back to how things used to be. Didn't want to have to call him Mr. Cullen again. Didn't want him to go back to being Mr. Cullen.<br>I was pleasantly surprised though. He continued to bark orders on the phone, continued to run through the house, tie half undone, at 9pm in the evening, frowning and running his hand through his hair, continued to be Mr. Cullen to everyone else. Everyone but me.

My days were spent cleaning and scrubbing every surface of the already spotless mansion. I did laundry and vacuumed. I tried to come up with new meals I could cook. I figured out pretty fast after I'd moved in with the Cullens' that the kitchen was my second favourite place to be. I loved cooking. I loved trying to come up with new meals, new variations. It was like my outlet. The place where I could be creative and do my own thing. The only place where I wasn't criticized.

My favourite place to be at was the library. It had always been. Even as a child, every library held something magical for me. Every book that had his own story, every page, every letter having meaning. It had always been fascinating to me. In the Cullens' home, the books weren't the only fascinating thing though. Nearly every night, Edward and I met up to talk about books or to simply read. Side by side. Without interruptions. And it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It didn't feel forced. It was natural. It was the most natural thing in the world.

That was also my favourite time of the day. When I could just be with him and didn't have to worry about what Mrs. Cullen would think, worry about my duties, worry about right or wrong. I was happy.

In the library he was Edward. Not stressed, not angry, not sad. Not Mr. Cullen. Just Edward. And every day he showed me more of his true self. He laughed, he joked and he argued for his opinion on books and movies and anything else.

Outside of the library he was back to being Mr. Cullen though. He wasn't rude to me any more. He didn't scream at me or order me around, he did other people though. Even Mrs. Cullen. And I felt that something was even more wrong than usual. Something weighed on him and I had tried to ask him about it, several times but he brushed it off.

We hadn't talked about our pasts any more either. It was like we were dancing around the subject. Avoiding it as if our whole relationship depended on it. I didn't dare ask him again about his marriage. About his reasons for marriage. I desperately wanted to know though. I wanted to know why he married her, if he ever loved her, why they constantly fought, why I never saw them hug or kiss each other, why I saw disgust and despair in his eyes whenever he looked at her.

I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, when I heard the front door open and the familiar jingling of keys followed by an equally familiar tingling all throughout my body. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at the knowledge that he was here. The electricity never faded. On the contrary, it got more intense the closer we became. The more I got to know him. The real him. It was like a constant pull, begging me to give in to my desires.

He stepped into the kitchen, his eyes falling on me immediately. He smiled at me, the smile never reached his eyes though. It wasn't as if he didn't want it though. I could see that he tried to smile a real one but something kept him from doing so.

He stepped up to the counter, grabbed an apple, and breathed out a small, "Hey." I simply cocked my head to the side and smiled.

"How was your day?" He asked, taking a bite and sending me another smile, another one that didn't quite reach his eyes but I could see the sparkle return. And my heart swelled with the thought that I was the one that brought it back there.

"Busy but okay. Yours?"

"Didn't hurt yourself today? No injuries?" I let out an annoyed huff and rolled my eyes.

"No. I'm good, okay?"

"How's your hand?" He asked his voice and eyes showing the concern he felt. Two days ago I'd burnt my hand while making dinner and unfortunately, he was there when it happened. He immediately went into panic mode and it took me what felt like forever to convince him that it wasn't bad, that this had happened before, that I was just a clumsy person and that I really only needed some cold water, burn ointment and maybe a bandage.

"It's good, Edward! Stop fretting over it." I said with another eye-roll.

"I'm not fretting, I'm worrying." I hear him mumble which made me laugh. In that second, the door connecting the kitchen to the dining room was thrust open and Mrs. Cullen stormed in. I'd never seen her look this mad before. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her face held an ugly purple hue.

"Edward, can I please talk to you? Alone?" And just like that, the smile and the sparkle in his eyes disappeared and they were replaced by a frown. He put the apple down and with clenched teeth forced out, "Go ahead." He looked at me one last time, forced a smile and left the kitchen.

"Edward what did you do with my credit cards?" She asked, her voice completely calm. The question was followed by an eerie silence. I was scared to do anything to interrupt the tension, even if I was several feet away.

"Victoria, you've spent $4000 in the last two weeks." He said, exasperated.

"I've done that before, Edward, and it never used to bother you. I don't know what's wrong with you lately." She sneered.

"It bothers me now, Victoria. You know of the problems in the firm. Or did your daddy not tell you how things aren't looking exactly rosy right now?" I could hear their voices quiet down and I couldn't help but move closer. I wasn't normally one to spy. I didn't need to know everyone's business. But Edward Cullen was still a mystery to me and my curiosity won out.

"It's a business that's depending on the economy, Edward. Of course it's not looking that good right now. That's no reason to give me a limit on my credit cards."

"Victoria, why are we doing this again?"

"I got you to where you are right now, Edward. I'm your wife. What's your business with the girl?"

"What girl?" To anyone else he would probably have sounded normal.

"Isabella." The way she said my name made my skin crawl.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Victoria." His voice was cold. Distant. And even though I knew why he said those words, I knew that he couldn't exactly tell his wife that there definitely was something, that he liked me as a friend, maybe more, it still hurt to hear him talk about me in such a cold way.

"I don't like it, Edward. I know you think I don't notice those things but I do. She's here to clean and cook. And nothing more. I love you and I don't want to see you talking to her again." I expected him to throw a fit. Simply because the Mr. Cullen I knew wouldn't let her talk to him like that. He wouldn't let her forbid him anything. And also, because I thought that maybe, just maybe, our friendship meant something to him. I thought that maybe our friendship was something he would fight for. Willingly.

But all I heard was a breathless, whispered "Yes."


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10:<strong>

For a few seconds, the whole house was engulfed in total silence. I didn't dare breathe. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I'd been punched in the stomach, leaving me breathless. My chest ached, once again, because of Edward. I stood frozen to my spot silently praying that I'd heard wrong. That he hadn't just quit our friendship. That he hadn't just betrayed my trust.

The kitchen door was thrust open and Edward rushed inside, stopping for a moment to look at me and even though his whole body and appearance screamed "Mr. Cullen" in his eyes I could see Edward. When he looked at me there was a desperation there. He looked like a man drowning in guilt and begging me to save him. It was just a second; for one moment he allowed me to look into his very soul and with a final blink, he disappeared. No word was spoken. No questions asked. His eyes spoke for him. The finality of his words outside hit me with full force.

And although I felt the hurt and the pain I couldn't help but think of all the smiles he had given me, all the laughs we'd shared and all the hours in the library we'd spent. I couldn't help but think that I meant a lot to him, that I hadn't imagined all the looks and the touches and the electricity. And all those thoughts left me more confused than anything.

* * *

><p>I finished dinner in a haze, trying to ignore the ache in my stomach and trying to concentrate on all the possibilities why he could've done this.<p>

"Maybe it's just for appearance sake. Maybe he doesn't want her to think that there's more than there actually is." I whispered out loud, trying to comfort myself. It was easier to accept than the possibility that he in fact had abandoned our friendship simply because his wife ordered him to.

His wife. I knew that there was more to their story. I knew that there was a reason as to why I couldn't see any pictures of them together. Why he never sent her a smile, why he never hugged her, why he never kissed her. I knew that there was something I didn't know about them. I also knew that she cared for him though; I knew, because she looked at him with a lot of anger and also with a lot of frustration but there was a hint of something in her eyes. Something that told me that she wanted him to stay hers. That she would do anything to make him stay by her side.

And the more I thought about it the more I was sure, certain of the fact that there was something about them, about their relationship and about their marriage, that I didn't know. Something he didn't want to talk about. Something that made him miserable.

* * *

><p>When I sneaked into the library that night, sat down on the couch, pulled my knees up to my chest, rested my head on them and waited, the quiet engulfed me. And the more minutes passed the more present the pain in my heart got. Pulsing. Throbbing. The more my anger grew. And as soon as I could hear the faint sounds of a piano playing, the tears fell.<p>

The following week was hard. Edward refused to talk to me. He refused to even acknowledge me. I tried to talk to him. Repeatedly, I ran after him like a puppy. And when he finally reacted all he did was tell me off. He was practically running down the stairs to flee from me. From my questions.

"Edward can you just stop for a second and fucking talk to me? What the fuck happened?" We'd been playing this game for a total of two days now. And I was getting sick of it. Sick of not getting answers. Sick of always wondering if I did something wrong, if I'd upset him. Sick of doubting myself. Sick of berating myself for ever trusting him. For ever allowing myself to have feelings for him.

"You've been ignoring me for the past two days. Did I do something wrong? Or is it just your fucked-up-ness that makes you that cruel? You made me trust you. You made me like you. Do you think it's okay to just trample all over people's feelings?"

I wanted to get a rise out of him. I needed to. I was desperate for some kind of reaction. Some kind of sign that I wasn't totally insignificant to him.

He halted abruptly, turned around and stared at a spot above my head while saying in a monotonous voice, "I'm sorry if that was the case. I didn't wish for you to end up hurt." That's all I got. And the hurt I'd been feeling at the beginning was slowly being replaced by confusion and anger. I was angry at him for not fighting. Confused about everything that's happened.

Every evening while I sat in the library, I could a piano playing. It came out of the room. The room no one was supposed to step foot into. Sometimes the melodies would be heartbreaking. Sometimes they would be angry. Sometimes they would be sweet. And every night I would sit in the library and listen to the music. Because that's all I had.

* * *

><p>On my day off I met up with Jessica to go see a movie. She was my best friend. I was planning on telling her everything. But when she hugged me and started babbling about her new boyfriend and how happy she was I couldn't do it. Because I knew she would be worried. I knew she would tell me to quit. And I couldn't do that.<p>

So I let her babble on while we were queueing up for our tickets. And she babbled on and on until we were on our seats. And when she turned towards me, asking "So what's up with the hot boss of yours?" I knew I was in trouble because all the anger and confusion caught up with me there. I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyelids. I squeezed them shut trying to reign in my emotions when I felt arms engulf me.

"He's still an ass huh?"

"No. No, he's not. He's perfect. And I'm so dumb, I just had to fall in love with him."

* * *

><p>That same evening, Mr. and Mrs. Denali, Victoria's parents, made an unexpected visit. It was the first time I had even heard of them. I was in the library, trying, unsuccessfully, to concentrate on the book I'd been reading. The book he'd last touched, because he'd read his favorite passage for me. The book I couldn't read without longing to hear his voice, the book I couldn't lay down.<p>

I was staring at the page he'd last read from when I heard a commotion downstairs. I heard Mrs. Cullen call my name, so I made my way to my room, grabbed a hoodie and walked downstairs, where she told me to get drinks ready. She told me specifically who wanted which drink before she left to greet her parents. I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Denali outside, making a great commotion out of a simple, "Hello" before moving to the living room.

A few minutes later, I took a big breath before entering the room with the tray in both hands, praying to god that I wouldn't trip. As soon as I stepped foot into the room everyone went silent and all eyes were on me. My nerves immediately sky-rocketed and I walked over to the coffee table to set the tray down. I hadn't even handed Mrs. Denali her drink when Mr. Denali jumped up, thrust his glass into my hand and stated, "I can't drink this. Make another one."

I just stood there for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded, before making my way to the kitchen. Halfway out of the living room I heard his voice and even though I was still mad and confused it brought a smile to my face.

"You don't have to do that." His voice was tender. Apologizing.

"Excuse me, Edward?" Mr Denali responded in disbelief.

"I just meant that…"

"Edward, she is your help isn't she? Then she has to help. And that drink she made right there wasn't much help in my opinion."

I turned around and saw Edward sit on the couch, looking at Mr. Denali with a fire in his eyes I hadn't seen before. It looked as if he was fighting an internal battle, holding himself back from saying something he would regret later on. After a few moments, he broke the eye contact and let his head hang, his hand immediately finding his hair.

When I stepped out of the living room and closed the door behind me I could hear the conversation start up again.

"Edward, what was that just now?"

"Richard, all I'm saying is that your drink was probably okay and you could've just drank it. Not everyone can make it as perfect as your dear wife can." The venom in his voice was unmistakeable.

"You're sure that there's not more to it?"

"I'm sure." He said through what sounded like clenched teeth.

"Because you know we have an agreement Edward. Without that, you have nothing."

His words sounded final. As if there was no discussion.

"Yes."

Defeat.

* * *

><p>I lay awake in my bed all night long, thinking about everything that had happened. Thinking about what they could possibly have in hand against Edward that would leave him with "nothing". Thinking of possibilities to help him, asking myself if that was the reason why he was this angry.<p>

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, when I suddenly heard a step creak outside my door. At first I thought I'd heard wrong, when suddenly the knob to my bedroom door started turning. I lay frozen, hearing the blood rush behind my ears, closing my eyes, when I felt the bed sink beside me.

"Bella?" I breathed a sigh of relief and looked up, staring into the eyes of Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** oooooooh. So things are getting moving now. Hope you liked it. Sorry for the late update. Breaking Dawn kinda got in the way there. Saw it yday and was blown away by it :') amazing.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11:<strong>

EPOV

Usually the word "yes" brings with it a positive feeling. A feeling of agreement. A feeling of accomplishment. A feeling of happiness. For most people the word "yes" is a positive word. For me, the word "yes" brought an onslaught of emotion. Two times I'd uttered the word "yes". Two times that word had changed my life completely. Two times that word had made me miserable.

The first time, I'd uttered it during my wedding and it led to being the biggest mistake of my life. At the time, I thought I did the right thing. At the time, I thought it'd be the right thing for me. Not even two weeks later, it turned out it wasn't.

Saying the word "yes" and with it saying that I would quit my friendship with Isabella, was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Harder than saying that word at the wedding, knowing I wouldn't ever have that happy marriage. Harder than saying that word and thereby breaking my family's heart. Harder than anything.

Seeing her face after saying those words was even harder, because I knew I couldn't just walk over there and comfort her; because I knew I couldn't just make her smile again. The frown on her face, her confused and hurt expression, nearly brought me to my knees. It made the ache in my heart that much worse. The ache that begged me to just give in to what my whole body and mind were screaming for.

So I was left with the only thing that brought me any kind of comfort, apart from her. Music. When I was little, my mother had wanted me to sing for her whenever she didn't feel well. As a boy, I had asked Esme to teach me to play the piano. It was the only thing I'd ever really asked for and she'd granted it, happily.

That night was the first night after a long time that I found comfort in music again. While I wished nothing more than to be in the library, to see her face, her blush whenever I asked her to read for me, to see the fierceness in her eyes whenever she defended her opinion about a book, her smile whenever she looked at me, the adoration with which she regarded me, I went into my room, my only sanctuary in a life of lies, and started playing. And for the first time in my life, I composed music. Every time my fingers touched the keys of my piano, all I could see before my eyes was her face.

The rest of the week, I tried my best to stay away from her, to not hurt her further. Whenever we were in the same room, I could feel the electricity sky-rocketing. Not the way it used to though. The attraction was still there, an underlying current that brought my whole body and soul to life, but it was overshadowed by the anger I could feel radiating off her. And even though it killed me to know that she was angry at me, it would kill me more to see her hurt in any way.

* * *

><p>The day my in-laws visited unexpectedly must've been one of the worst days of my life. Victoria and I were in the middle of another fight when they suddenly barged into our room, making my day even worse than it'd already been.<p>

Victoria continued to accuse me of having a relationship with Bella. I didn't know how much she knew regarding my feelings. I did know though that she was suspicious. And that it scared her. Because once upon a time I was the one thing that set her off from all her friends. And they were all still jealous of that.

She was in the middle of threatening me of telling her Dad once again, when he barged through our door, immediately demanding to get his usual drink. Every damn day he had the same drinks and every damn day he complained because people didn't make it the right way.

I could hear Victoria tell Bella what drinks to make when Richard grabbed my shoulder and led me into the living room.

"Were you able to convince the Smiths to stay with the company?

"No."

"So we've lost another investor."

"Seems like it."

I could feel his eyes bore into mine and he opened his mouth to speak when Victoria and Carmen stepped into the room, quieting him with their presence.

"So Vicky," he said, "that's the Swan girl?"

"Yes, Daddy, that's her."

"Does she… does she know?"

Confusion was written all across my face.

"Know what?" I asked.

"I don't think she does."

Bella chose to enter that moment, stopping the whole conversation, leaving me confused. When Richard didn't ask her, but ordered her to do it again, something inside me snapped and I defended her. The only way I knew. The only way I could without setting everyone off. I addressed her.

"You don't have to do that."

All eyes turned to me. Questioning me.

"Excuse me, Edward?"

His voice told me he was hanging on a very thin thread.

"I just meant that…"

"Edward, she is your help isn't she? Then she has to help. And that drink she made right there wasn't much help in my opinion."

I clenched my hands into fists and stared at him, trying to convey with my eyes how I felt about his demands. How I felt about him. After a few moments, I looked up to see Bella smile softly to herself, before I ran my hands through my hair, trying to reign in my frustration.

As soon as Bella stepped out of the room, I could feel their eyes on me, demanding answers.

"Edward, what was that just now?" His voice was cold. Suspecting.

"Richard, all I'm saying is that your drink was probably okay and you could've just drank it. Not everyone can make it as perfect as your dear wife can." I sneered. I couldn't help the venom seeping into my voice.

"You're sure that there's not more to it?"

"I'm sure." I said through clenched teeth.

"Because you know we have an agreement Edward. Without that, you have nothing."

"Yes."

That word again. That feeling again.

* * *

><p>That night when I stepped foot into the music room, I closed the door behind me only to lean against it. I looked up, towards the ceiling, having the overwhelming urge to scream. To just scream and let my frustration out.<p>

I slid down the door landing on the floor with a thud, my legs sprawled out in front of me and my hands in my hair. And the despair I felt in that moment was indescribable. I couldn't reign in the small sob that escaped me and it was liberating; all my life I'd been restraining myself, trying to be the boy that saved his Mom, trying to be the boy that fit in with his new family, trying to be the successful man people looked up to. And in that moment, I let the despair wash over me and hold my heart in an iron grip. Despair, because I knew I needed to be with her. It wasn't about simply wanting to be with her any more. It was a need. I couldn't be without her smile. I couldn't be without her blush. I couldn't be without her.

The life I'd led for years now was one of security and success. It was all built on my desperate need to prove myself. To prove that I fitted in. To prove that I was worthy of being a Cullen. To prove to myself that I could be someone.

Victoria and her family, they'd offered that security, that proof and I'd grabbed it and never doubted my decision the way I had when Bella Swan had stumbled into my life and taken my breath away. She'd shown me happiness. She'd shown me what it was like to live.

And in that second, I knew that I'd have to choose between happiness and security. Between a life with a person I loved. With a person I'd give everything for. To spend my days just trying to make her smile; being happy simply because I knew she was happy. To see her talk about books and tell myself not to kiss every inch of her adorable face. To see her devour a burger and be totally fascinated by the way her whole face lights up as soon as she tastes it. To make pizza with her and see her cook. To simply live and laugh and be happy.

Or, a life where I knew I'd have a job, where I knew I'd come home to a house and a wife that couldn't have been any colder, where I knew we'd have dinner at eight every evening and after that we'd go our separate ways.

And in that second, I chose happiness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Thanks so much to my beta Lucy 3 Tell me what you think.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

**A/N:** The day has come that everything will be out in the open ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12:<strong>

_I turned and tossed for what felt like hours when I suddenly heard a step creak. At first, I thought I'd heard wrong, when suddenly the knob to my bedroom door started turning. I lay frozen, hearing the blood rush to my ears, closing my eyes, when I felt the bed sink beside me._

"_Bella?"_

_I breathed a sigh of relief and looked up, staring into the eyes of Edward Cullen._

Even in the dark room, I could see his eyes shining at me like they never had before. It took my breath away. It was as if he had been guarded before, every time we'd been together. I couldn't help but smile.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked bewildered, whilst slowly sitting up.

He sat at the edge of my bed beside me, whilst his hand slowly traced the contours of my face. I smiled into his hand and couldn't help the feeling of joy that slowly spread throughout my body.

It was as if he freed of whatever anger he'd been carrying around. Sitting beside me was a new version of my Edward. A version that visited me in my room in the middle of the night only to smile at me with the most beautiful expression on his face I'd ever seen.

He took a strand of hair, put it behind my ear and whispered, "Come with me. I want to show you something."

I looked at his out-streched hand and after a few moments of quiet contemplation, I smiled at him, took it and followed him up the stairs. He never let go of my hand until we stood at the door to the room. The one nobody was supposed to step foot into. The one I had heard the piano music come out of all week long.

"Edward, you don't have to… I don't…"

"I want to show you."

He opened the door and held it open for me, waiting for me to step inside. The first thing I noticed was the giant, black piano standing in the middle of the room. I walked towards it, letting my hand skim over it.

"You were the one playing?"

He stood by the door, gazing at me with searching eyes, as if he was trying gauge my reaction, smiling.

"Yes."

"What did you play?"

"Our song."

I couldn't help the incredulous giggle; "What? But we don't have a song!" I wanted nothing more than to be able to mutter "yet".

"We do now."

I cocked my head to the side, looking at him questioningly.

"I… Last week, when I tried to avoid you as much as I could, I found myself wanting nothing more than to go to the library every day. And I couldn't do that. So I came here. And I just sat at the piano and thought about you and just… my fingers flew over the keys."

"You composed a song for us?" The disbelief was apparent in my voice. He nodded and my open mouth slowly closed and spread into the biggest smile.

I kept staring at him, enjoying the current flowing through my whole body, admiring his beauty, getting lost in his eyes. I didn't know how long this would last. If he decided to stop ignoring me altogether or if this was a one time occurrence. So I just stood there smiling, letting the butterflies in my stomach take over.

Slowly, he walked over, taking my hand once again and leading me to the opposite wall. It was covered with dozens of frames with pictures in them. I looked up into his face, my mouth hanging open once again, when I saw him look at most of them with a gentle smile on his face.

I turned back towards the pictures to take a closer look at them and realized that I didn't recognize a single person apart from him. There were pictures of a beaming Edward as a little child, with a small, young woman with brown hair and a gentle smile, that had crouched down beside him and had her arm around his shoulder. And, even though she smiled, her eyes were dull and lifeless. She was only in about three pictures.

A lot of the pictures were family photos, taken at various events it seemed. In some of them he wore a tux, in some of them it looked as if he were at a picnic, some were pictures taken at Christmas. There was a blonde man, with his arm around his wife in most of the pictures, and two little girls, one with pitch black hair, the other one having blonde hair like her father. Edward's smile wasn't that big, beaming smile any more though. His whole being looked guarded. Just like he had ever since I'd met him.

I went along the wall, looking at every picture closely, smiling. There was a picture in which he wore sports clothes, with a baseball bat in his hand, one in which his front teeth were missing, one were his whole arm was in a cast, sporting a proud grin, one were he sat at the piano, deeply concentrated on whatever he was playing, one from his high school and college graduations.

There was no picture of Victoria, or their wedding. No picture from the honeymoon or any other event they'd maybe been at together. Nothing.

When I got to the very end of it I saw something that made me stop and my breath catch.

"There's a picture of me."

I looked up at him, my mouth dry and tears stinging my eyes.

"I… When we were watching that movie that one time, you fell asleep and… you just looked so beautiful. I'm sorry if you think that's creepy I just…"

I shushed at him whilst tracing the picture with my finger.

"Those are all the people I love."

My head shot up, finding his eyes staring into mine intently. As if they intended to prove his words. I could feel my head swimming with this new revelation and walked to the piano to sit down at the stool.

"Why did you… why did you ignore me then? Why were you so mean at the beginning?" He took my hand into his, turning it around so he could trace all the creases of my palm.

"I wasn't born here in Seattle. I was born in a tiny town called Forks. It's in Washington," he smiled gently. "My mom and dad met in high school. She always said she fell in love with him the instant she laid eyes on him. I never believed something like that was possible but you, Miss Swan, have proven me wrong."

I could feel the blush in my cheeks when he said those words. The joy spread throughout my whole body making me downright giddy. I'd never thought he could feel the same way I did; I never thought it was a possibility but as I looked into his eyes, so completely open and vulnerable, smiling at me, I could see it there.

"They started dating pretty fast and when she was seventeen and he already eighteen, she discovered she was pregnant." He smiled sadly and a frown appeared on his forehead. "She said she was devastated, that she cried for days but eventually she and my dad worked it out. They got married and seven months later, I came along. She dropped out of high school for me and started working at a gas station. I know most of those things from Esme. I… my mom never lived to tell me her story herself. When I was about four, I guess my dad left; said he wanted to see the world. Said he hated to be tied down like that. And she… my mom, she never recovered. She started drinking and neglecting me and… most of the time I had to make some kind of dinner or breakfast for myself because she didn't function. Three weeks after my fifth birthday, she and I were on our way to the grocery store and came off the road. That's why… That's why I hate not driving. The car flipped around and landed upside down and…"

His head was in his hands and I could see tears falling onto the floor. I stood up, took him by the hand, sat him down on the stool and sat down beside him, hugging him close to me.

"She died while I was in that car and I couldn't help her. I tried to get out of my seat or get help, but I couldn't. I screamed for hours but nobody heard." He took a shaky breath trying to compose himself. "When Esme finally found us, it was too late."

"I had to stay in the hospital for a few days because of some injuries and whilst being there, I met Carlisle and Esme. They were a lovely couple, unable to have kids themselves and they just took me in and cared for me." He sat up straighter, the smile returning to his face.

"The first year I was with them was one of my happiest. At least, as far as I can remember. But about a year after I'd come to live with them, Esme received the news that she was pregnant. They were ecstatic. I was terrified. A few months later, the twins Alice and Rosalie were born and although they couldn't have been any different, they had one thing in common: They were Esme's and Carlisle's whole pride and joy and took up all their time. And even though I now know that wasn't the case, I always felt as if I'd been replaced. From the day that they were born, I felt insignificant and inadequate."

He smiled sadly, regret shining in his eyes.

"Those feelings never left me. I always felt as if I didn't belong in that family and I'd always done anything to fit in with them. With their perfect family. And do you have any idea how hard it is to achieve perfection, Bella? I wanted to make them proud, make them see that I did belong into their family; that I could be successful and perfect."

"I met Victoria while I was in college. We met at a frat party and had a thing but that was it. It wasn't until I'd graduated that we had the same friends and became something you could call friends as well. I'd never really liked her. She was shallow and prided herself on her family's success. She pursued me, desperately, wanting to make me hers. And when I graduated and couldn't find a job, she and her dad made an offer. Her dad had at the time a very successful airline, and he offered to make me his partner if I married his daughter. And Bella, I know this sounds stupid, but I was desperately trying to prove myself. So I took him up on the offer."

"When I told my parents who I planned on marrying, we got into this huge fight. I walked out. I don't have contact with them any more." I could feel my own tears threatening to fall, so I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

"That's the only regret I have. I should've never pushed them away like that." It was as if he'd stabbed me and I looked up incredulously, feeling the hurt seep into my voice.

"The only regret? You don't regret… her?"

He cupped my cheek in his hand, smiling down at me with a sad smile on his face, "No. I don't regret my decisions." A sob caught in my throat and I could feel it closing up.

"Why?"

"I couldn't regret it. If I regretted my decisions, it would mean I regret where I am right now and I don't. I don't regret a single second I ever got to spend with you. Don't you see, Bella, every mistake I've ever made led me to you."

I looked up into his eyes, completely overwhelmed by the love shining in them. I could feel his thumb, wiping my tears away, his eyes never leaving mine. Never wavering. Never looking away.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

I could feel; feel the tears slowly making their way down my cheeks, down my chin. Some got caught in the hand that was intimately cupping my cheek. Some got caught in the lips that were moving against mine. Coaxing. Loving. Patient.

I was frozen in a state of shock and emotion. There were so many emotions coursing through me. So many different feelings attacking my body.

The moment his lips had touched mine I had felt completely motionless. At first, it was surprise. Surprise that his lips were slowly touching mine. Surprise, because he knew what this woud mean. Surprise, because everything I'd wanted was handed to me while his lips touched mine. Surprise that paralyzed my every nerve ending. And as soon as the surprise wore off, I could feel my body come alive. Alive with emotion.

It felt like the electric current that had always been there, never relenting, always reminding us of what we were to each other, was tugging at my heart to get closer. Always closer. I could feel it in every fiber of my being. Every fiber screaming at me to move. Screaming at me to invite him in.

It was when his tongue tentatively touched my lips and his thumb slowly caressed my cheek, making its way down from my eye, collecting my tears, down to where his lips met mine begging me to not let him fail. Begging me to not reject him.

It was then that I finally snapped out of my emotion-induced daze and it was then that my hand found its way into his hair, the hair that had had to endure so much torment because of me, slowly fisting it and anchoring me while my lips started moving.

It was then that I noticed just how much he'd been waiting for my reaction, how much he'd been depending on me not rejecting it because suddenly, his lips got more frantic and pressed against mine harder whilst his tongue slowly started making its way into my mouth.

And with every second I breathed him in, savoring his taste, the current got stronger and stronger and made me move closer, made him grab my thigh and pull it across his legs. It was that current that made me straddle him, never letting go of his lips, never letting go of his hair.

When I finally had to break for air I could feel his lips wandering. Kissing every inch of my face. Wandering from my lips to my cheek to my eyelids back to my lips where he kissed from one corner to the other. And all I could do was sit there, panting heavily, with my eyes closed and my lips turned upwards.

When he felt he'd given me enough time to catch my breath his lips found mine again. And it wasn't as frantic as before. It wasn't as much about expressing our feelings by tongues battling and teeth nibbling. It was more about expressing the love we felt. The adoration.

His lips teased mine, only giving little pecks when mine cried for more, begged for more. He started nibbling on my bottom lip, his hands started slowly making their way around my back, bringing me closer. I could feel him smiling against my lips and I heard him chuckle silently when he felt a new round of tears make their way down my face.

Slowly, reluctantly, he broke the kiss; his hands engulfing my whole face and making my forehead touch his. Breaths mingling. Lips smiling. Hearts forgetting about everything they'd had to go through in order to get here.

"I just want you to know that I choose you. I choose you." He whispered, eyes closed, lips smiling.

Even though his words should have made my heart soar, should have made me smile like no other words ever had, all they did was settle in my stomach, making my heart heavy.

"It's not that easy though..." I whispered back, staring him straight in the eyes.

He smiled sadly and slowly kissed my nose before saying, "It's not, no."

And those were the last words spoken before his lips found mine again, and we got lost.

* * *

><p>I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing. Disoriented, I tried to bury my head further in my pillow before realizing that my attempt was futile and I fumbled around to turn it off. Only that I couldn't. The body that was spooning me and the arm that was snaked around my waist held me tighter, allowing no movement at all.<p>

I could hear him groan, before slowly kissing my shoulder and reaching back at his side of the nightstand and turning his phone off.

"I'm sorry. That was my alarm." His voice was hoarse from sleep making me shudder and goosebumps break out on my skin. The moment he noticed, he chuckled lightly before he turned me around and held me closer.

I snuggled closer, burying my face in his chest and inhaling his scent. I let out a contented sigh whilst his hand made its way down my body, starting at my hair before wandering over my spine.

We just lay like that a few minutes, content, without a single word spoken. I could hear him sigh every once in a while and while my finger traced shapes mindlessly across his chest, I dreaded the question I was about to ask.

"When do you have to go?"

"Soon."

"We should talk."

"Not now though."

"Not now."

I lay my chin on his chest, smiling up at him. His eyes sparkled in the dark, inviting me in, and I slowly made my way up, my lips desperately seeking his.

And when they finally found his, he mumbled against them. "Best morning ever."

After a few minutes, he'd had enough of my silent laughter disrupting our kiss and started kissing all over my face whilst his fingers tickled my sides.

* * *

><p>I couldn't help the smile that accompanied me all morning long. Edward had left for work early in the morning, leaving after what felt like hours of making out because as he put it, "those kisses need to get me through the day".<p>

After he left, I tried to go back to sleep but found myself unable to. So I drew a bath and decided to just relax before starting my day. During my bath, I decided that I wouldn't think about what last night meant for us. For my future. For Edward's future. I was exhausted, physically and also emotionally and would block any negative feelings out.

Yet, there was no denying that they were there. Mostly, I was scared; scared about what this meant for Edward. Scared about what our future might hold. Scared about him changing his mind like he'd done before. Scared about what might happen when he got home.

I was also anxious for what he had to say. Anxious for him to get home. Anxious for him to reassure me that the things he had said yesterday and this morning weren't said on a whim. That he meant them, infinitely. That he wouldn't back out. That we'd go through this together.

I needed him to tell me that he chose me.

And until that happened again, I decided I'd just wait and bathe in the positive feelings from last night. I'd only allow the happiness I felt to get to the surface.

When I got downstairs, I could hear Mrs. Cullen rummaging around in the kitchen. I tried to control my facial expressions before entering and was met with a fiery glare that froze me on the spot.

"Isabella, remember when I hired you, how I told you about all your duties? I think I made it perfectly clear, perfectly clear to you, that shopping was one of them right? Now I wrote you a little letter. Did you just decide to ignore that? Or is it too hard for you to read that? Because you see, I have it here. And it has been hanging on the fridge ever since I left it here two days ago."

Her voice was eerily quiet and for the first time I was scared of her. Tentatively, I stepped closer and looked at the list she had written for me. And as I looked from the list, I had never in my life seen such fire in her eyes. The hate in her eyes that told me she'd done this on purpose. That that list hadn't been hanging there for two days but that that list had in fact not existed two days ago.

I could feel my resolve harden as I opened my mouth to say something, when she cut me off with a snarl that made goosebumps break out all over my skin.

"If you say one word, I'll fire your little ass and you won't have _anyone_ to help you this time."

Even though the fire in my stomach that threatened to take over begged to come out and talk back, begged me to tell her what I really thought of her, I closed my mouth and listened for the next two hours, while I was on my knees cleaning every surface of the already spotless kitchen floor.

* * *

><p>I was awoken by a thumb tracing my lips, and lips kissing my eyes. After my disastrous day of cleaning not only the kitchen floor, but every floor on the ground floor of the house, on my knees, I had decided to just curl up in bed, wallow in my pain and read until Edward got home. I had been on my knees all day long and they were raw and stiff from all the hours I'd spent on them. I was exhausted and could hardly make it into the bed, so the library where we were supposed to meet was out of question.<p>

As I slowly opened my eyes, I could feel the tingling sensation from where his lips had touched my eyelids and the current engulfing the whole room. I smiled sadly, trying to sit up but finding myself cringing as soon as I tried to move my legs. I looked up into his confused face and saw that he'd studied my face the whole time.

"I'm sorry I can't..."

His eyes looked pained as he asked, "What happened?"

And after a bit of convincing from his part, I told him. When I was done, I looked into his eyes and for the very first time didn't see dislike there, or disgust. I saw hatred.

"I'm gonna..."

He was about to stand up when I grabbed his hand and tugged on it. He could've just slipped out of my grasp. Could've just walked away and have done whatever he wanted to. But as it was, he was was frozen. I slowly tugged on his every finger, making him turn towards me and after a few more seconds, hovered above me, kissing my lips over and over again while mumbling how sorry he was.

I tried to smile for him and reassure him that everything was okay. I could feel the feelings I'd tried so desperately to repress bubbling up inside me, and when he looked into my eyes, he spoke the words I dreaded to hear all day long.

"We should talk."


	14. Chapter 14

**_Disclaimer:_** I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14:<strong>

_And while I tried to smile for him and reassure him that everything was okay, I could feel the feelings I'd tried so desperately to suppress bubbling up inside me. He looked into my eyes and spoke the words that I dreaded to hear all day long. _

_"We should talk."_

I could feel his eyes on me as my fingers played with the edge of the blanket, still covering my lower half. He had taken his jacket off and now sat on the edge of my bed. I avoided his gaze and waited for him to say something. To do something. To define all the things that had been floating in the air, all the things between us that had never been defined. Not really.

I was still lost in my own head, when I felt his finger under my chin, persistently trying to lift it. When I wouldn't budge he decided to take my hand in his, his voice sounding hurt.

"Why won't you look at me?" Fingers playing with his. Eyes blinking rapidly. Heart hammering inside my chest.

"I'm scared." I admitted.

"Of what?" Fingers caressing mine.

"A lot of things."

He jerked his hand away and sighed exasperatedly. "This is what I was trying to avoid." He said through clenched teeth.

My head jerked up, my fingers stopping in their nervous habit. He had his hands in his hair, his whole body leaning away from me. I couldn't help but lean towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder, feeling the rigidness underneath me.

"I didn't mean... I'm just... What are we? I mean, what are we doing here exactly?"

He turned towards me with a flabbergasted expression.

"I thought I made that clear yesterday. I thought I'd made it absolutely clear that I chose you, Bella." The back of his hand stroked my cheek.

My eyes downcast again, I answered. "You said that but... We never talked. I mean, I don't know what..." He tried lifting my chin again. This time I let him and what I saw in his eyes took my breath away.

"Bella, if I could, if there was any way, I'd have taken you away from here a long time ago. But as it is..." He trailed off, seemingly lost in thought, his eyes watching our intertwined hands. After a while, he looked up again and the confusion on my face must have shown him something.

He kissed both my hands before getting up and crossing the room, just to turn around again. He paced like that for a few seconds, hands in his hair, before turning back round at me.

"Bella when I agreed to marry Victoria... I basically signed my whole life away. I was so... enamored with the idea of succeeding in business that I didn't think... I didn't think it was possible that someone like you would ever come along. I'm so sorry things are as they are but right now I have no idea what to do. We need a plan and I don't have one..."

"So this is about money?" I asked. I didn't want to hear his answer.

"Victoria and I... we have one bank account. All the money I earn is ours. And there's a pre-nup so... I can't divorce her without losing all our money. We'd have nothing Bella. And you just started working here 2 months ago and from what you told me, you don't have any savings, do you?"

"No... my parents they..." I trailed off.

"I know."

And, in that instant, I could feel all the guilt washing over me. Guilt over not having saved any money, for having been totally dependent on my parents. Guilt for feeling angry. Angry because they had always sheltered me. Because they had left me with nothing. Nothing at all. And guilt because here I was, being the other woman.

Apparently, he saw some of that guilt reflected on my face because he stopped his pacing and came over to sit on my bed and pull me on his lap.

"None of this is your fault, Bella."

The moment his hands touched me, I felt comfort; because even though the guilt wasn't gone, I felt comfort at the fact that he was here, and he was going to stay here.

"I feel angry. At my parents. For leaving me like this. For never thinking about what would be if something happened to them. I mean, aren't you supposed to do that as a parent? Look out for your kid? Think about every possible scenario? I mean, I know that they loved me, but how could they... how could my dad risk losing all this money and never having some back-up plan. For me and for mom. I just..."

"He lost money?"

"Yeah, he was a banker, I don't really know." I admitted sheepishly. "But he lost a lot of people's money during the crisis. Along with our own. I never knew. I don't know if my mom knew but..."

"It happened to Victoria's dad as well... he... the whole firm lost a lot of money. We still struggle."

I nodded, silence engulfing us for a few seconds.

"When they were murdered, they didn't have a single penny." He sat up straighter, his voice sounding alarmed.

"They were murdered? I thought they died in a car accident."

"They were run off the road by someone. We never found out who it was."

"Why?"

"Our lawyer... he said it'd be a lost cause. The one witness that there claimed he didn't see a license tag or anything else for that matter."

"Are you sure that... I mean have you never wondered..."

I looked up into his face, smiling sadly. "I don't really wanna know, Edward."

He smiled back, just as sadly and whispered, "I'm sorry." before leaning down. When his lips met mine, it was as if a magnet was forcing me to move closer. I sat up, all the while moving my lips against his, letting his tongue explore my mouth, letting his taste take over my senses. I straddled him, my hands moving into his hair and tugging. When his hands moved from my waist, down to my ass, I couldn't help the little moan that was swallowed immediately by the groan he emitted. We continued like that, my hands tugging, his hands kneading, for a few moments before his lips broke lose, kissing down my neck but their fever dying down.

I gasped for breath, my mind a pool of bliss, still unable to form a coherent thought apart from the one my nether regions where screaming at me.

"Why did you stop?" I asked, still out of breath.

He hummed against my neck, before pecking my lips and whispering against them,"I don't want it to happen like this. I need it to be special. You deserve special. You deserve so much more than special."

I grumbled to myself, not quite satisfied with that answer but too tired to fight him right now.

We sat like that, my head on his chest, for a few minutes. I smiled against his chest, synchronizing my breathing with his. After I while I could feel him become a little restless, sighing every once in a while.

"You're not... Are you..." I looked up into his face, seeing his cheeks blush with color upon my gaze.

"What am I?" I asked, pinching his cheek and biting my lip to keep the laughter in.

"I mean... I just..." He took another deep breath before rushing out, "Are you a virgin?"

I looked at him, his blushed cheek, his eyes trying not to look into my own.

"I'm just asking that because... I'd want you to think about doing that then... I mean I..."

I interrupted his rambling with a quick, "No."

He looked down and while he looked relieved for a second, the next he looked kind of forlorn. As if now there were a million more questions he wanted to ask.

"I was 18 and had my first boyfriend in college okay?"

He frowned. "Did he treat you right?"

I giggled, "Yes, Edward. He was a very sweet boy."

"Why'd you break up?"

"Because, we just went our separate ways. No big deal."

"No big deal..." He mumbled.

I grinned against his chest, sliding my arms around him and squeezing. I couldn't get my mind to shut up however, and I had some questions of my own to ask.

"What about you?" I prodded.

"What about me?"

"Do you..." I squeezed my eyes shut, dreading the answer to my question. "Do you still sleep... with her?"

He lifted my chin up and righted my position on his lap so I could look him in the eyes.

"I haven't slept a night with, or in, Victoria's bed in many years."

I could feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulder and I breathed a sigh of relief. He just looked at me, smiled, and kissed my lips sweetly.

"It's just because... I feel guilty over this..."

"Over falling in love with me?" he asked, taking a strand of my hair that had fallen into my face, and tucking it behind my ear.

"No... not really. More over acting on it..."

He sighed heavily, bringing me closer to him, kissing me on the nose.

"It's not like she hasn't done it before..."

"She has?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. I just never acted on it. It didn't bug me..."

I took the collar of his shirt into my hand, playing with it.

"But she... she loves you... I know she does..."

"Bella, she... they bribed me into marrying her... I don't know, what kind of love should that be?"

"If I was in her situation right now..." He smiled slightly, taking my hand that had been nervously playing with his shirt.

"That would never happen to you, because you don't use people as your play thing. Because I love you. Because I have loved you for a long time. Because I will love you forever."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Wasn't that bad right? Okay so since it's Christmas in less than a week I wanted to wish everyone reading this a MERRY CHRISTMAS :D I hope you and your family have a great time spending it together!

Secondly, I wanted to thank a few people. Of course all of you guys that keep reading this and keep sending me reviews. Because seriously I never thought anyone would even want to look at this. Secondly to Lucy, my awesome cute Beta (eventhoughshesteamjacob) (no, just kidding she's not). Also to Linh and Sasha for always prereading this and sharing their thoughts with me.

Merry Christmas everyone :)


	15. Chapter 15

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 15:<strong>

The next few weeks passed in a blur. Edward and I kept up our play of secret meetings and stolen kisses. It never really went much further than that and I was starting to get frustrated. I was wondering if he didn't want me. Not frustrated enough to ask him though.

While Edward and I were sneaking around, I got the feeling that Victoria was trying to make me give up. To quit and get out of the house. She made me scrub every surface of the house. Put dishes into the cupboard in a way that made them fall out when I opened it. She spilled things over the carpet and made me pay the cleaning service. She scratched the desk in Edward's room and openly accused me of doing it when she talked to him about it.

Edward was furious about the things he did notice or the things Victoria pointed out to him, but I begged him not to fight with her. I tried to reason with him, while he paced the library or my room, tried to tell him that I couldn't be away from him and even used some tears to convince him to calm down.

Two weeks ago, Victoria's father showed up late at night, looking furious, shouting and ranting about all the things that were going wrong with the company. He then told Edward to pack his things for New York, where they had business to attend. Before he left, he dragged me into the piano room where he kissed me senseless before giving me a piece of paper, as well as some money to buy a phone.

"I can't use your money to buy a phone, Edward." I said, trying to get him to take the money back.

"Don't fight me on this. I'm in a hurry and whether you buy it from the money I give you now or the one you have in your bank account from me doesn't matter." He said, grinning. His eyes were guarded though. We both felt the impending separation looming over our heads.

"I earned that money though." I tried to argue whilst hugging him to me.

"You've earned much more than the money I pay you, so think of this as a raise." He said, whilst enveloping me in his arms.

"Things are gonna be fine, right?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Things are gonna be perfect."

"I already miss you."

He took my chin in his large hand and made me look up. His lips found mine and for the next minute, there was no noise in the room other than the drumming of my heart, the blood I heard rushing behind my ears, and his quiet moan when I broke the kiss to get some air into my lungs.

"I already miss you too, angel." He whispered, before closing his suitcase, kissing me one last time and walking out of the room backwards, a sad smile on his face.

I walked after him, saw him kiss his wife's cheek, shake his father-in-law's hand and walk out of the house.

When I looked down, I saw the paper and money I still had in my hands. I opened the folded paper and let out a quick laugh at what I read.

_You better not fall in love with someone else while I'm gone. I love you, Edward._

Beneath the message his phone numbers were listed, a private one that he had purchased solely for us to communicate and a business line which I was only to use in case of an emergency.

Edward was gone for a week. We talked every day on the phone, joking around and just getting to know one another, all over again. I learnt that he loved dogs but Victoria was scared of them and back home, one of his sisters had had an allergy. His favorite color was blue and his first girlfriend hated kissing. His favorite holiday was Christmas because back home his mother would cook loads of food for everyone and he wouldn't have to fight for every extra bite with his sisters. I snorted at that but he said that growing up with siblings, you had to fight for everything.

We never stayed on the subject though. Whenever I encouraged him to talk about his family, he froze up and started changing subjects smoothly, making me forget all about it.

I couldn't help but feel as if his family was our only hope at getting out of this relatively unscratched. We didn't have any money. We didn't have anywhere to go. We needed someone to help us make it through the first few months.

I was scared to bring it up again though after his reaction last time. I'd brought it up one more time after that day in my room and he reacted like I expected him to. He tried not to show it, but I saw the anger at my suggestion boiling beneath his skin.

He never stopped trying to find a way out though. One that didn't involve his parents. One that didn't involve having to stay in this situation much longer. And I loved him all the more for it. He applied to several companies but had to stop when Mr Denali got a phone call from one of the firms and got suspicious.

I was in the shower, thinking about the last few weeks, when suddenly a loud knock on the bathroom door made me yelp and nearly slip. I steadied myself, with a hand against the wall of the shower and one on the temperature regulation, when I heard Mrs Cullen's voice screech, "Bella, hurry up. I need you downstairs."

I heard her heels click on the hardwood floor, while I willed my heart to start up again and finished rinsing my hair. Wrapping a towel around myself and my hair, I hurried into my bedroom throwing on the first thing I could find and sprinting downstairs. I came to an abrupt halt in the kitchen, feeling a little stab to my heart, as I saw Victoria hug Edward, her hands sliding into his hair. From my point of view, I couldn't see his face and only saw her forehead lying on his shoulder and a little sigh leaving her lips.

I fidgeted reminding myself that it was me he made out with every night, but as I looked at her, that made the guilt resurface in full force. I could see that she loved the man; in her own twisted, weird way she loved him and I was ripping him even farther away from her.

Edward slowly pushed her away from him, telling her to have fun today, looking at me briefly, reassuring me with his eyes, before leaving the house.

"My husband was so nice as to book me and my friends a day in the spa, as well as nice dinner with him in the evening, so you only have yourself to feed today. I think you can manage that. The house is yours until we return. Don't ruin anything. You still have work to do. I want all the toilets cleaned, the cupboards in the kitchen cleaned and the garden taken care of. Edward fired the gardener last week since he apparently 'gave off some weird vibe,'" she said, that part making air quotations with her fingers, "so that's your job now too."

A little giggle bubbled up in me at the revelation of Edward firing the gardener. The same one that had asked me out on a date last week. However, the giddiness was quickly stifled by the anger I could feel settling in the pit of my stomach at the realisation that she expected me to do all of that today.

"Do I get a raise?" I asked. My voice sounded foreign to even me.

"Pardon me?" She looked up, shock clearly written all over her face. She apparently hadn't expected me to talk back.

"Do I get a raise? I'm not your slave. You can't just throw more and more work at me without some kinda of repay."

"No, but you're my employee and you better do whatever I say." She sneered.

"What if I refuse? Will you fire me? I wonder how fast you'd find a replacement that would do all the shit jobs you have me do on a daily basis."

Startled, she looked up, clearly hesitant to answer my question. I looked into her eyes that, for a second, held a hint of panic in them before she answered, shakily, "I'm sure I'd find someone that would do your job quite easily. Now get to work."

With that, she turned on her heels, grabbed her purse, as well as a small bag, and marched out of the house into the garage, slamming doors on the way.

I continued to stare at the door for a second, surprised by my brazen behaviour, before a smile erupted on my face and I turned around and walked up to my room to finish getting ready for work. I couldn't help the small skip in my step as I ran around the room in search of my iPod. I plugged it into the stereo, that had been in my room ever since I first arrived, and finished getting my hair ready.

I was just about ready, just putting my hair up in a ponytail, when I suddenly felt arms snake around my waist, making me squeal in surprise. It only took me a second to feel the usual tingling and smell the scent that was so clearly Edward. When he felt me relax, he buried his head in the crook of my neck and chuckled slowly.

"What the hell are you doing here, Edward?"

I sounded breathless, even to my own ears. The combination of the shock still running through my veins, along with the usual feelings Edward evoked in me, made my voice hoarse.

"Well… My father-in-law thinks I'm at a meeting I already did yesterday, and Victoria thinks I'm at work and is happy because her husband sent her off" He kissed from my shoulder to my ear, making me giggle and pant at the same time. "So I thought, why not take my beautiful girlfriend and take her out on a date?"

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><p><strong>AN:** Hope you all had an amazing Christmas. I won't be able to update next week (if you're lucky I'll be able to update sometime in between but I'm not sure yet), I'm sorry. I wish you all a Happy New Year in case we don't "see" each other anymore before that :D


	16. Chapter 16

**_Disclaimer:_** I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 16:<strong>

"_Well… My father-in-law thinks I'm at a meeting I already did yesterday, and Victoria thinks I'm at work and is happy because her husband sent her off". He kissed from my shoulder to my ear, making me giggle and pant at the same time. "So I thought, why not take my beautiful girlfriend and take her out on a date?"_

I turned around in his arms; the excitement bubbling up inside of me, making it more like a jump around. I hit his chin with my head and immediately started apologizing. He never let go of me but just held me closer and cut me off with a kiss and a little laugh that soon turned into full blown laughter and giggling on my part.

It took a while for us to calm down, but he eventually was the first one when he rubbed his chin while uttering an "ouch."

I giggled, kissed his chin to make it better, and asked where he wanted to take me.

"Well," he squeezed me tighter, "since it's already nearing noon, I thought we'd go to your favourite "restaurant" and-"

"You're taking me to McDonald's?" I interjected. My excited tone must've set him off again because he started laughing whilst I just stood there, waiting for an answer.

"Yes, I'm taking you to McDonald's." I smiled at him, and felt his lips warm against my hair.

"Well, that's not all though." He giggled once more.

"No?"

"It wouldn't be a date if I just took you to McDonald's, Bella." He said with a little frown.

"Well, I don't know how dates work in this high society I'm finding myself in here," I said skipping out of the bathroom to get my purse and shoes, "I don't need anything fancy to wear right? This will do?"

"High society... I'm not high society..." I heard Edward's low mutter when he followed me out of the bathroom, before looking me up and down, taking my hand and leading me downstairs. We made a quick stop in the kitchen, where he grabbed a basket, his car keys and then led me into the garage.

The whole drive was spent with me asking where we were going, and when he told me that if I didn't shut up, he'd take me to a fancy restaurant right this second, the rest of the drive was spent in comfortable silence. His light-heartedness, along with his constant need to touch me, made me nearly dizzy with joy. I leant my head against the window, watching the scenery pass me and trying to figure out where we were going. From time to time, I looked towards him, admiring the view and catching him sneaking glances at me.

After half an hour, he stopped the car beside the street, cut the ignition and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.

"So, are you going to kill me now and then drag me into the forest, where you'll bury my body?" I asked, sarcasm tainting my tone. One eye popped open and looked over at me, chuckling deeply but the lightness from before was gone.

"A few days ago, I was so sure you would love this...but now..." He trailed off, whilst turning at me, trying to gauge my reaction.

"Well, I can't love or hate it if I don't know what it is." I said, speaking as if I was talking to a little child. He smiled, kissed me on the lips, took my hand and started the car again.

"Just know that I didn't... I thought you'd like it... If I think about it more, I'm not sure you will...I just wanted to put a smile on your face. That's all I want. To see you smile." I heard uncertainty mixed with fear in his voice.

"Well, as long as you don't abandon me in the forest, you will."

* * *

><p>I could feel my chest constrict as soon as we pulled up the all too familiar street. I gripped his hand tighter, whilst he pulled it up to his lips. With my other hand, I opened the car window to breathe in large gulps of air and see the neighbourhood more closely.<p>

When we finally pulled up to my family's old house, I got out as soon as the car stood still and then just stood there, my arms hugging my own chest, trying to lessen the ache that settled there. I couldn't move, so I just stared at the house that I once considered home.

After a little while, I felt arms snake around my waist, and lips kissing my neck. "My mother adored this house." I whispered.

"I bought it." He whispered back.

Shock settled in the pit of my stomach. "What?"

"Well no. I didn't buy it. But Victoria's father did. Right after your parents' death, it was up for sale and he bought it right away, with all the furniture and... everything your parents owned, basically. I just found out a few weeks ago. Asked him if he kept anything at all. He hasn't, I'm sorry Bella. But I talked to him and I somehow got him to sign it over to me. Me alone. I told him I'd give it to Victoria as a birthday present." He leaned closer, whispering into my ear. "I'm going to sign it over to you as soon as I can. It's yours."

I didn't want to cry. I wanted to smile and scream and ask him if he was insane but all I could do was turn around and let it all out. Every little memory, every pain, every guilty feeling inside me, I let it all out and sobbed into his chest. I gripped his shirt and let the pain take me away. The pain that was there because I lost my parents at such a young age and didn't allow myself to mourn them, didn't have the time to mourn them. The guilt I felt for blaming them. Blaming them for not caring for me more. Blaming them for not looking out for me. And at the same time, the gratitude I felt that they didn't. Because, had they taken care of me, had they left me money or the house, I would have never met Edward.

He just stood there and took it, rubbing my back. Occasionally kissing my hair. Occasionally apologizing. Occasionally telling me to let it out.

When I finally calmed down, after what felt like hours later, I let go of his shirt, knuckles hurting, and tried to smooth out his shirt again. He just took both my hands, kissed every hurting knuckle, and said, "Better?"

I just nodded and was about to apologize for my outburst. About to explain to him. Explain it all. But, when I looked up into his eyes, I just knew he understood. I didn't have to explain. He knew what was going on. He knew that I needed this.

"So, do you want to have lunch here or at our second destination?" I contemplated my options before answering, "Let's go. We'll go back here some other time. Right now I..."

He kissed my temple and whispered, "I know," before leading me back to the car and opening my car door.

While he was walking over to the driver seat, I took a shaky breath and put a smile on my face. I felt lighter than I had ever since my parents' death. I felt alive. Happy. And even though thinking about my parents still hurt, I knew that all the pain was better, than not thinking about them at all. Watching the house I never thought I'd see again get smaller and smaller, this time wasn't as hard as it used to be.

* * *

><p>The rest of the ride was spent in silence, both of us thinking. When Edward finally stopped the car in some parking lot, we both stayed seated, not saying anything. He looked straight ahead; I looked out the window. After a while, the silence got a bit uncomfortable, so I decided to break it.<p>

"So...you got me a house."

He whipped his head over and looked at me, like a deer in headlights. His mouth was even hanging open a bit, trying to get sounds to form.

"I just thought... This way... I mean..." He trailed off.

With a dreamy sigh, I spoke honestly. "I've missed your stuttering."

He continued to stare at me while I burst out laughing.

"My stuttering?"

"Back when you were still being an enormous ass, you used to stutter when you were nervous. That way, I knew you were being truthful. If you stuttered, you really meant it."

"Seriously?" His head cocked to the side.

"Seriously."

"Figures. Normal people stutter when they're lying. I stutter when I'm being truthful."

I giggled, leaning over, putting my hand on his upper thigh and whispering into his ear, "I love your twisted ways."

He gulped, taking my hand and turning it over so the palm was up.

"I'm sorry about that. That I was being so... stupid back then."

"I know." I said, smiling.

He looked at me, pain and insecurity in his eyes. "The thing with the house... I'm so, so sorry if..." I cupped his head into my small hands and silenced him with a kiss.

"It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe you convinced him to do that."

"I didn't want to hurt you, but I know you loved that house... And also it's... it's a great house. For after, you know... We could..."

The smile on my face outshone the little sob that erupted from my throat, and after a while, I was laughing, tear after tear making their way down my face. He tried kissing each of them away, making me laugh even more and after a few seconds, gave up to instead press his lips to mine, eliciting a little moan. He took my lower lip between his teeth and nibbled on it, before I finally opened my mouth for him. Propelled by the things his tongue did to my body, I tried to climb over the gear stick separating us to straddle him. After a few bumps to my head and the giggle-moans into his mouth, I gave up and sat back down in my seat trying to catch my breath.

I glanced over and saw him try to adjust his trousers inconspicuously, which made me giggle and give a relieved sigh at the same time.

"You think this is funny, Miss Swan?" He asked, taking my hand.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen. Very much so."

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><p><strong>AN:** So I'm back. Sorry for the long wait. Happy New Year everyone.


	17. Chapter 17

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 17:<strong>

I got out of the car, turning around, trying to figure out where we were. After a few moments, I noticed he still sat in the car, head on the steering wheel, breathing deeply. I walked over to his door, a skip in my step, opening it and asking him, "You got a problem there, mister?"

He turned his head, his temple still on the steering wheel, smiling up at me, "And whose fault is that?"

I turned around, trying to figure out where we were, but failing. "Where are we?"

He took a deep breath and got out of the car. "Got that," I pointed to his crotch, biting my lip. "all under control now?"

He ruffled my hair while he locked the car and said, "If you stop biting that lip, then yes, it's all under control. Let's go."

He grabbed the basket in one hand, my hand in his other and we walked the next few blocks until we stood at the entrance of a park. The park. The park my parents used to take me to.

"How did you know?" I asked, stretching up to my tiptoes to kiss his jaw.

"Know what?"

"About the park. My parents used to take me here. Nearly every Sunday my dad turned off his phone and we went down here to spend a few hours as a family."

"I didn't know," he whispered and smiled. "I just looked up nice places to have a picnic on the internet."

I looked up to him, momentarily overwhelmed by the love I felt for him. I tugged on his hand and led him towards my favorite spot before I plopped down. I patted the space next to me, indicating for him to sit down beside me.

He shook his head, "You want me to sit down there?"

"It's just grass!" I laughed.

"No." He unpacked a few things from the basket before he found a blanket, that he spread out. He sat down beside me and unpacked everything else from the basket.

"You made all that?"

"You think I can't make a sandwich?"

"I have no idea. There are a lot of things I don't know about you, Mr. Cullen."

"I can cook, Bella. I had to cook myself a few meals here and there when I was younger."

Even though we were having an untroubled day, without Victoria's looming presence, one single thought was still plaguing my mind.

"Edward," I interjected. "Why don't you want to call your parents?"

"I don't want to talk about it." His voice held a tone of finality. I sighed. We were getting nowhere.

We talked about anything and everything while eating. There wasn't a single person on this planet I could talk to the way I talked to Edward. Not Jessica, not my parents, not any other friends. He listened. He cared. He gave me the feeling that I was special. That whatever I said, was something worth listening to. He made it easy to open up to him.

And he also started opening up to me. After years of being by himself, being secretive and lying to others and to himself, he started to show me little glimpses of the man he was inside. The man he probably used to be. The man he could've been. Carefree. Happy. Open.

The only thing we still didn't talk about were his parents. I knew he desperately tried to find a way to get us out of this situation. And I also knew that the only way to get out of this, without anyone getting hurt along the way, would be asking his parents for help. But he refused. And I kept silent, waiting for him to figure it out for himself.

After what felt like hours of me feeding him, him feeding me and one food battle, I lay back down on the grass with a sigh, patting my tummy wanting him to lie down with me.. When he just sat there, propped up on his hands, his legs stretched out in front of him, staring down at me, I tugged at his arm until it gave away, and he fell down beside me.

I must've dozed off for a few minutes when I was awoken by a hand wandering up and down my back and a voice nearly whispering, "Do you miss them?"

"My parents?" I replied, lazily.

"Mhmm."

"Yeah. Everyday. Some days it's worse than on others. When you're working or not here. But… This morning… It felt like it crushed me. And I feel guilty because it hasn't felt like that before. I never… mourned for them like that." I said, burying my head in his chest a little.

"That's okay, Bella. There was a lot of stuff going on. You had a lot to take care of."

"But I feel like I didn't even honor them by properly mourning them. Or making the effort to find out who even did it. At first, I didn't even care."

"If you could, would you… want to look into it?" He asked, kissing my hair.

"Yeah… probably. I mean I'd probably hire some detective or something."

"What if I hired someone?" Lines formed between his eyebrows. He was serious.

"What?"

"Just to look into it."

"I don't think there's much to look into when even the police said it was a lost cause. Least of all now."

"Did the police say that or your lawyer."

"Our family lawyer. Why?"

"Bella… For most people, it's money over people." he sighed.

"He's not like that. I've known him since I was little. He was basically part of our family."

"What's his name?"

"Edward, don't."

"What's the harm, Bella? I just want you to be happy and I don't want you to wonder 'what if' for the rest of your life. I just want to make sure that there's nothing we can do."

I sighed. I knew he was right. I knew that I should at least try to find out more about their death. Try to make sure their death wasn't for nothing.

"Jason Jenks. That's his name."

He kissed my hair again, making me smile. I heard him rummage around for his phone, probably to write down the name, but I was having none of that.

I straddled him and silenced his protests with a kiss that made him shut up rather quickly. Like always, he kissed me back just as enthusiastically, his hands wandering but never too far. And as always, after a while, he started to slow down until he touched his forehead with mine, breathing heavily and smiling.

This time I didn't smile back though. I sat back up, frowning, feeling the evidence of his arousal poke against my back.

"What's wrong?" He asked, frowning.

"Why do you stop?"

"What?" He cocked his head to one side.

"Why do you stop? Don't you want to go farther or…." I let it hang there, dreading his answer.

"There are children around." I couldn't help but snort at him and the confused look he gave me.

"Oh my God," I laughed. "I meant in general. Do you not want to have sex with me?"

Apparently, it was his time to snort now because he turned his head to the side and laughed into the blanket.

"It's not funny!" I said, punching his shoulder as hard as I could.

"You really think I don't want to sleep with you?" He asked, incredulously.

"Well… I just thought since you always stopped, maybe you didn't want to…"

"Silly girl," he said, ruffling my hair, making me groan. "There's nothing I want more. But it's going to be special."

"Special?" I asked with both eyebrows somewhere up in my hair.

"Special." .

I collapsed back down beside him, and heard him sigh heavily. His one hand started playing with my hair, making me shudder, while I started playing with the fingers of his other hand.

"I love you like this," he said.

"Like what?"

"This. All carefree and playful."

I frowned.

"I… You only know the other me." I murmured. "I used to be like that. Carefree and happy and playful. And right now, the only one that makes me feel this way again is you. But in general, I'm a carefree person. I'm not always this whiny and teary eyed. I'm strong. I try to be strong. Today, when Victoria tried to make me do this shit in her garden, I exploded."

"What?" He laughed.

"I told her to either shut up or fire me."

I heard him murmur a low, "Why did I have to miss that, why?"

"I can stand up for myself." I declared.

"I know," he said, kissing my head. "I didn't mean it like that. I just… You've been through a lot. And I'm glad you're happy again."

"I am," I sighed, squeezing myself closer to him.

We were quiet for a few moments, both just savoring the moment. The fact that we were here, together. The fact that we didn't have to hide our love for each other. Nobody in this part of town knew Edward or Victoria Cullen.

I looked up and followed his gaze, looking at a little girl, being helped onto the swing by someone that seemed to be her big sister.

"Do you want kids?" He asked.

"Yeah. Someday. I love kids. I used to babysit here and there. They were messy and mean and didn't care about anything other than staying up a few minutes longer than they normally were allowed to, but they're great."

"Mhmmm…"

"Do you…. want kids? With… me?" I asked timidly, hoping I wasn't setting myself up for disappointment.

"A few weeks ago, I would've answered with a loud and sure 'no' but as things are now…" He said and started tickling my sides. I squirmed and laughed and giggled and even though my stomach hurt from laughing, my body hurt from thrashing around so much and my whole face hurt from smiling, I never wanted the moment, or this day, to end.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

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><p><strong>Chapter 18:<strong>

Something changed that day. He was more open. More comfortable. Happier. More determined to find a way out. He never really told me how he tried to find a way out. I just knew that it didn't involve his parents and it didn't involve me or the little money I had saved in any way.

I knew he left me out of the loop for a reason. He didn't want me to feel every little disappointment; to get my hopes up and crush them when things didn't work out. And even though his intentions were good, it hurt being out of the loop. I wanted to help, wanted to encourage him, and I wanted us to share the disappointment.

Maybe he also left me a little out of the loop because he didn't want to have my nagging voice reminding him of his parents in the background. I couldn't shake the feeling though that they were the ones we needed. The support we needed.

Whenever I tried to talk about it, tried to convince him of the win-win situation it would provide, he shut down completely.

So we hardly ever talked about it. I hoped he'd find a way. He hoped he could spare my feelings.

We continued our tradition to meet up in the library nearly every night. We talked and kissed and talked and kissed a little more. We talked about the future we would have and the things we would do.

At night I tried to sleep alone, but it happened more than once that I took my blanket and sneaked into the guest room to be with him.

I was dancing and dusting every book in the library when I heard a door slam so hard, it seemed the whole house shook. I halted for a second and paused my iPod. The next thing I heard was a male voice screaming "Edward" repeatedly and I froze, not knowing what to do.

"He's not home, daddy."

"Well, you better tell him to get home then. And tell that girl to get me a drink, sweetheart."

I heard her hurrying up the stairs and seconds after I realized, it was too late for me to make a run for it, forcing her to crash into me, screeching. While I fell, hitting my head on the stairs, she clang to the railing and managed to hold herself upright.

She took my arm and dragged me upright to hiss into my ear, "You better stop snooping around in this house right this second or there'll be hell to pay. Now move your ass downstairs and make some drinks for me and my father."

I swallowed the remarks that wanted to sneak their way out of my mouth and walked downstairs as gracefully as possible, head held high, walking right past Mr. Denali, into the kitchen, planning in my head the various ways I could ruin their drinks.

While I was working on preparing each drink as perfect as possible, the two of them sat down in the living room, closing the door and making sure I couldn't hear them.

A few minutes after I brought them their drinks, managing not to spill anything, I heard the front door open and close again, quietly. I opened the kitchen door to see Edward putting away his coat.

He turned around, looking grim. As soon as he saw me though he smiled, walking over to me and shooing me inside the kitchen, making me giggle.

"What did you do?" I panted, while he kissed my neck.

"Stuff," he said, trying to avoid the subject by kissing my neck, up to my jaw, until he found the corner of my mouth.

My arms sneaked themselves around him on their own accord and my hands gripped his hair.

"I mean it, Edward," I said rather unconvincingly while my knees started to give out. "What did you do?" He only hummed and started kissing me again. I couldn't let him win this time though and pushed him away, demanding with my eyes that he explain.

"I have to go in now. Go to your room. I don't know if I'll be able to come to the library tonight. I love you." I just stood there, dumbfounded while he kissed my forehead and walked into the living room.

After I few seconds, I broke through the haze in my head and went after him, crouching down beside the door, listening.

The first few minutes, all I heard was total silence, only interrupted by the whisper of a voice here and there. That was until the screaming started.

"You applied. For a job. At a competiting firm." I could hear the gritting of teeth.

"You know how business is looking right now at your firm, Richard. I have a family to take care of."

"And I don't? I pay your fucking salary."

"I was just trying to look out for your daughter."

I could hear them both breathe heavily, having reached an impasse.

I made a dash for the stairs, locking my room behind me, feeling a little hurt, a little angry and a little scared. I lay down on my bed, thinking and trying to get my emotions under control. I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I heard was Edward, knocking lightly on my door, asking me to open it.

I got out of bed, sleepily opening it and asking him how late it was.

"It's 9 pm."

"Where's your wife?" I asked with a little acid in my voice.

"She's bringing her dad home. He got a taxi here or something." He raked his hand through his hair, obviously not knowing what to make of my tone.

"Did you have dinner or should I…" I asked.

"No, we… we went out for dinner."

"Mhmmm…."

"Bella…" He started, hestitantly.

"When were you planning to tell me?"

"What?" He asked, his voice going up an octave, cringing.

"Oh,I don't know," I was trying to suppress the anger. "Maybe how you tried to apply at your father-in-law's enemy's firm and thought he wouldn't hear of it? Or why you try to keep me in the dark with everything that you do? This is as much my mess as it is yours and I want to help."

"You can't though!" He said, looking down.

"I can tell you to stop being an arrogant prick and to call your parents." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"I won't do that." He said, his face completely blank.

"Why? Tell me one good reason why?" I was desperate. We needed this.

"Because I don't want to admit that I've made a mistake!"

I stared at him, waiting for him to say something else. To admit that this was worth it. That we were worth it. That his wounded pride could take one other blow for us.

But he didn't.

"Okay then," I said, turning around and laying down again.

"Bella, I…" He started but stopped, turned around and left the room.

* * *

><p>We hardly spoke for the next two days. It wasn't that I was mad at him. I tried to talk to him. I waited for him in the library. But he didn't show.<p>

I didn't know if he was mad at me for bringing up the topic of his parents again, or if something else had happened. I just knew that I wasn't willing to apologize for telling him what he had to do. What the inevitable choice would be.

It was my day off and since I had no plans at all, I decided to stay in bed and watch TV. It was the only way to distract myself from my thoughts and my stomach, that wanted to eat itself, it seemed.

At around 1pm, I realised that going down the starvation route wasn't solving anything, and got up to get myself something to eat and afterwards continue to wallow in my self-pity.

I was about to enter the kitchen, when I heard Edward talk to Victoria. I stood still, unsure about whether I should listen in on their conversation, or just get some food and spare myself the possible headache.

My curiosity won out though and I slowly made my way over, mindful of not making any sound. Edward was sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table and reading the paper. Victoria was sitting on the opposite couch, an energy drink in her hand.

"Edward?" She asked, in a cheery-as-fuck voice.

"Hmmm…" He replied, obviously distracted.

"Do you know what day it is today?"

"Mhmmm."

"So?"

"Well. If you could've waited a little longer, I would've done this over dinner but as it is…" He trailed off, fishing something out of his pocket. "Here you go."

He handed her a piece of paper. After scanning over it for a few seconds, she jumped up and squealed like a little girl running around the table and hugging him.

"Happy Birthday," he said, kissing her cheek.

"You got us tickets for a romantic weekend in New York?" She gushed.

"I did," he smiled.

I tried to walk back to my room as quietly as possible. The rational side of my brain told me that there was a reason for this. That he did this to keep up the pretence. That he didn't want to hurt her by not getting her anything at all.

But the emotional side of my brain was distraught over the fact that he hadn't told me a thing about this. About the fact that he hadn't talked to me in two days and that he would be off to New York for a "romantic weekend" in a few hours.

I could feel the anger rising in me, threatening to bubble over. But I sat down on the bed instead and waited. Waited for him to come up here and explain this all to me, because my brain, as hard as I tried, couldn't come up with a possible explanation that didn't leave me hurting.

After what felt like hours sitting on the edge of my bed, staring straight ahead, and trying to shut off my brain and my emotions, I heard the door to my bedroom creak open.

I looked down, tracing the design on the carpet with my eyes, while asking him, "do I want to hear the explanation?"

"Yeah. You do." He walked over to me, lifting my chin with his forefinger and kissing me on the forehead.

"She's currently upstairs, packing probably a thousand bags while I'm on the phone, getting a very concerned call from a business partner. Next thing she knows, her husband won't be able to come along and will send her best friend with her instead. She'll have a great weekend at a spa in New York, while I will take my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner to apologize for being such a huge ass to her."


	19. Chapter 19

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19:<strong>

"But I have nothing to wear," I whispered, shell-shocked.

He stared at me for a few long seconds before slowly chuckling and leaning down. He kissed my cheek and whispered, "It's all taken care of. All you have to do is relax, and I'll see you at six in this pretty dress."

He leaned down, picking something up from under the bed. It was a huge, pink box that, I guessed, held the infamous "pretty dress."

"Did you pick it out?" I smiled warily.

"So, what if I did?" He asked suddenly, a blush reddening his cheeks.

I chuckled, "I had no idea you were into fashion."

He blushed once more, looking flustered. "Only when... I mean you… I saw it and thought of you…" I pressed my lips together, trying hard not to laugh at him.

"When did you ever go shopping?"

"I didn't… I ordered it online."

For a second, I contemplated just taking him out of his misery and thanking him for the dress. But then I looked at his face, red from embarrassment, and smiling at me in a way that made every muscle in my body clench in nervous excitement.

"So you shop online?"

"God, do you need me to say it? I never shop online. This has been a first. Like many other things with you have been firsts. I thought of this evening and you in a pretty dress and I figured that you probably wouldn't have one, so I thought I'd pick one for you. Okay? If you don't like it I… I guess we still have time to go look for one but… I mean this color... I think it'd look really pretty on you and I imagined you in…"

I interrupted his adorable ramblings that were accompanied by his blush, with a short peck on his lips. He looked up, startled, and smiled a glorious smile as I said, "I'm sure I'll love it."

He took both my hands in his and kissed them. "Okay. So… If you wanna get ready now… I don't know how long that takes, I mean, I guess…"

Something close to panic settled in my stomach when I thought about getting ready.

"Edward, I… I'm not big on beauty and fashion and all that stuff that normal women seem to love, so I don't go expecting too much, right?"

This time it was him, interrupting my rambling with a finger to my lips. "That's one of the many things I love about you." His hand found my cheek, his thumb moving back and forth. I smiled.

"Oh, we'll see if you still think that after you've seen me." I giggled.

He frowned, apparently not understanding the humor in my sentence.

"You'll always be beautiful," he said with a sexy smile that made me breathe a little harder.

"You planning on getting into my panties with that smile tonight?" I asked, playfully.

"Maybe," he winked.

I could feel my blood slowly speeding up, making its way through my body until it settled in my cheeks. I coughed, and could feel my hands shake in nervous anticipation. I took the box and made my way over to my bathroom.

"Okay… Erm… Well, if you want me to look pretty for that I'll need every minute I can get, so I'll meet you downstairs at...?"

"Six,"he said with a laugh.

"Yeah. Okay. See you then."

"Can't wait."

I slammed the door to the bathroom. I stood there, burying my head in my hands and slowly sliding down the door while I heard him leave with a chuckle.

I couldn't believe I was being this shy all of a sudden. I'd had sex before. It hadn't been mind-blowing and it hadn't been with someone I loved, but I still knew what I was getting myself in to, so I didn't understand why, all of a sudden, I was feeling this coy and nervous about it.

"It's only Edward. You love him. He loves you. It's gonna be easy." I told myself and after repeating that mantra a few times, I stood up and made my way to the bathtub, in order to fill it with water.

* * *

><p>I stared at myself in the mirror, biting on my thumb and squeezed my eyes shut. I had absolutely no idea what to do with my hair or face.<p>

"Get your shit together, you've done this before." I told myself. But, never for Edward; I wanted to look pretty for him. I wanted to take his breath away. Like he did with me. Every day...and especially today.

I could hear someone banging on my door and I hastily put on a bathrobe before making my way over to open the door. It was Victoria..._shit._

"Isabella," she snarled. "I'm leaving now; I expect the house to be impeccable when I return." And before I knew it I had rolled my eyes and muttered, "Of course you do."

I heard her gasp for breath, before smoothing out her skirt and turning on her heel. I stared after her impeccable clothes and impeccable make-up and impeccable ass, rolled my eyes in frustration and smashed the door to my room closed.

I gave up trying to beautify myself, and picked up my phone. There was one person I knew who was good at this type of stuff.

* * *

><p>"You. Are. Such. A. Bad. Friend." She said, hitting me with her handbag after every word.<p>

"Stop, Jessica!" I laughed. "I'm sorry, okay? I was stupid, I admit it." I grabbed her hand and started towing her up the stairs.

"You know how much I love prettifying you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"What have you been up to all these weeks, anyway? We've hardly even talked." She tugged on my hand, and stopped me in the middle of the stairs, nearly making me tumble down. "Do you know that the only company I have been entertaining for a while has been Tanya? I mean, her weird ways even start to make sense nowadays. That's how much of a hermit I've been. I haven't had a man inside me for weeks now. Weeks, Bella. I hope you have something to report because I am in serious need of some gory, juicy details right now."

I looked down at her, laughing and smiling goofily.

"I have so much to tell you." I said excitedly and started tugging her upstairs again.

* * *

><p>"So, if I understand correctly, you'll be getting some action tonight?" She asked excitedly. She was currently putting things into my hair, to give it a 'little wave and a few curls and a little more action', she said.<p>

"Well, I can't be sure. But I definitely hope so." I smiled, nervously.

"You're not excited?"

"I am. I just…" I trailed off.

"Woman," she said tugging on my hair painfully. "Your cherry has already been popped, and you trust the man. All you really have to do tonight is look pretty and train that 'O'-face. What's there to worry about?"

"I love him."

"What?" She coughed.

"I love him."

"Wow. Bella Swan. In love. Never thought you'd be the first one."

"Me neither," I laughed.

"You think he's…" she asked, nervously. I looked up, looking into her nervous face.

"Yeah. He's it." She let go of my hair and stepped back from the chair, leaning against the opposite wall.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Wow."

"Holy shit, Swan. I mean, I always knew that if you fall in love, it's gonna be like, forever or some shit like that, but that it's happened so soon..."

"I know," I smiled, my grin spreading across my face and the blood rushing to my cheeks. She suddenly stepped closer, hauled me off my chair and engulfed me in a hug, whispering, "I'm so happy for you. If someone deserves it, it's you."

Leaning away from me, she wiped away her tears, making me snort.

"This is the second time I've seen you cry in my life." I said, turning around and looking at her in the mirror.

"Shut up, Swan. That bee sting really hurt." I burst out laughing, remembering the way the bee had chased her all through our apartment.

"Whatever, let's get this body ready for some action now!" She said and spanked my butt making me squeal and laugh at the same time.

* * *

><p>"Bella, you look hot."<p>

"I look pretty." I said, breathless.

"You do…"

"How do you do that?" I asked, turning around and moving to hug her.

"Do what?" She asked, her head squished into my shoulder. She had forced me to put on heels for the 'full effect'.

"Make me pretty!" I said, hugging her.

"Bella, you're squishing my nose."

I let go of her, laughing.

"Bella, you're gorgeous," she said, suddenly serious again.

"I know. He makes me pretty. I don't know how, but ever since I've known him, I _feel_ worthy of him."

"And that's what every man on this planet should do. God, why are all the good ones either gay or married?" She asked, exasperated, and even though I felt a pang of guilt, I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

* * *

><p>I heard the door open and close and decided that this was my cue to slowly make my way downstairs. I was wearing the midnight blue strapless dress that he'd gotten me. It stopped just above my knee, had a little bow just under my chest and fit me like a glove.<p>

He was standing in the living room, his back to me, a glass in his hand. He didn't seem to register me coming down at first, but as soon as my foot hit the living room floor, he swirled around, gaping at me.

"So… how did you know my size?" I asked, after a few anxiety-filled seconds.

He walked over, putting the glass down on the table on his way, and took my hand, holding it up over my head and twirling me around. I giggled and after about three twirls, fell into his arms, dizzy and giddy at the same time.

He kissed his way up from my collarbone to my ear and murmured, "You look absolutely breathtaking."

"I had help," I panted.

He repeated his actions on the other side. "Help?"

"Jessica left ten minutes ago." I squirmed.

With one last peck to my mouth, he stood up straight and mumbled, "Well, she certainly did an amazing job. You take my breath away. And make me want to stay here."

"Oh, whatever would we do here?" I asked, innocently.

He smirked, took my hand, kissed it, and mumbled. "This dress. I can't wait to peel you out of it." And started tugging my shocked body out of the house.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** She needed a little girl on girl time. Thank you so much for every review and everyone that puts this on alert. Every email I receive alerting me of that puts a smile on my face.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20:<strong>

"So where are you taking me?" I asked him, knowing full well that he wouldn't tell me, but thinking that asking would probably be wise none the less. His only response was a brief glance, and a raised eyebrow. It was my attempt at getting rid of the blush that accompanied my cheeks ever since he talked about peeling me out of the dress. I decided that I needed to get rid of this shy girl persona and step up my game a bit. Make Jessica proud.

"I loved the flowers, thank you."

"What flowers?" He asked, bewildered.

"Oh, you didn't know that there were roses inside the box… with the dress?" I added.

"Oh, yeah. I… yeah I put them in there."

I leaned over to kiss his cheek and whispered, "That was sweet, thank you." Then sat back and added, "And since I didn't want them to go to waste, I took some with me."

I snatched a rose petal out of my cleavage and put it in the breast pocket of his suit, whispering, "Now you have them close to your heart too."

"Oh, I do?" he coughed. "Yeah…. Thanks."

His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his foot pressed down on the accelerator and I sat back smugly.

* * *

><p>I was staring out the window, enjoying the way my hand felt in his big one and the way his fingers smoothly ran over each of my knuckles. The rest of our ride was spent in silence, both of us lost in our thoughts. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was and at the same time looking forward to the rest of the night, whatever it would bring. I was brought out of my dreaming with a gentle tug to my hand.<p>

"We're here."

"Where were you right now?" he laughed, getting out of the car, handing the keys over to an excited looking valet and moving over to my side, to open my door.

"In bed. With you." I stated bluntly as soon as the car door opened.

He let out another strangled laugh and as soon as I was out of the car, sneaked his arms around my waist and pulled my all too willing body towards his.

"Aren't we snarky today?" He whispered in my ear, and let his breath wash across my face, making me shudder.

After a few seconds, I cleared my throat, making him laugh whilst he disentangled himself from me.

"Okay. I got it. You win."

He laughed gently and started moving us along, out of the valet's way and into the building. It was then that I realized I had no idea where we were.

"Where are we?"

"At a hotel."

"Oh. What are we doing here?"

"We're going to have dinner. They have an excellent restaurant here. And after dinner, we're going to go up to our room."

"Oh."

"Oh?" He stopped abruptly in the middle of the foyer, tugging me back by my hand.

"You want this right?" He asked. The back of his hand caressed my cheek, his eyes concerned, his face scrunching up, looking as if he'd eaten something sour.

I stood up on my tiptoes as far as I could, grabbing his arms for support and kissed away the frown between his eyebrows, giggling at the face he made.

"Of course I want this, silly. Get rid of that sour face. You'll get some tonight. No reason to worry." I laughed and started walking again.

"Bella… it's not about… that," He said, adding a muttered, "damn that dress..." and hurried to catch up with me.

* * *

><p>We were sat at a table that was pretty much secluded from the other guests in the restaurant. The lights were dim and there was some piano music playing in the background. Edward was in a deep discussion with the waiter about what wine would go best with our dinner that he had apparently chosen beforehand. It looked like neither of them had a clue. Edward was studying the wine card with a frown on his face. The waiter threw in his suggestions here and there and the whole discussion would start over again.<p>

In the meantime, I studied our table. All in all, there were three different types of forks, two spoons and two knives. You would think with me growing up in rather wealthy circumstances I'd know what half of those forks and spoons and knives were for, but I had no clue.

"Edward?"

He looked up from the wine card.

"Huh?"

"Do I need all… this?" I said, waving my hand around the table, nearly knocking down two wine glasses in the process, the waiter that still stood beside our table managing to catch them. "Oops."

Edward took a breath. "No, you won't. The waiter will take it with him before you get your meal."

"Okay," I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're one perky little thing today, aren't you?"

"I'm happy. Excited. Sorry about the glasses." I smiled sheepishly.

"You're happy?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Always when I'm with you."

"Good, good." He muttered.

"So, are we gonna get ten of those little courses to eat, where at the end of the dinner, we'll still be hungry and just look for the next fast food restaurant? That's what my dad always did at least, when he took Mom out, or he had some business dinner or something. They always got me afterwards and together we went to McDonald's." I rambled.

He cocked his head to the side and smiled at me.

"You're a lot like your dad, huh?"

"I look like him. Boobs and all." I said.

"God, Bella. I love your boobs. I don't wanna think about your dad when I look at them." He sighed.

"You look at my boobs, huh?"

"Oh I'll do more than look at them by tonight, little lady love."

* * *

><p>We went on like that for some time, occasionally interrupted by the waiter filling up our glasses of water and wine and, as Edward had predicted, taking all of those forks and spoons and knives with us, effectively only leaving behind one dessert spoon.<p>

I looked at Edward, raising both eyebrows.

"So, you're just gonna feed me dessert today?"

"You'll see," he smiled excitedly.

I did see a few minutes later, when two more waiters appeared, two huge hamburgers with fries on their plates.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing and felt like clapping my hands giddily, like a three year old.

"I thought I'd just get you the right stuff right away instead of having to make that detour later on." He said.

* * *

><p>"So, this is pretty," I said, trying to quell the nervous feeling in my stomach. "Nice bed. And I like the colors."<p>

I cringed, wishing my mouth would stop spewing word vomit.

"Yeah. I guess it's a hotel room. Hotel rooms always have comfy beds. And I'm sure this one was expensive with that tub and that couch over there so…"

He cut off my rambling by stepping closer to me, lifting my chin and shutting my lips up with his. I surrendered, instantly grateful for the way he'd taken control. Standing up on my tiptoes, my arms slung around his neck, my lips continuing moving against his, little pecks turning into long, languid kisses.

His tongue made his way into my mouth, the same second his one arm sneaked his way under my knees, effectively saving me from the embarrassment of them giving out underneath me.

He laid me down on the bed, carefully. He broke our kiss only to get rid of his jacket. He hovered over me and continued to kiss me, making no moves whatsoever at undressing himself or me.

My hand moved into his hair only seconds later, wandering down his front to where his shirt ended. With trembling fingers, I started undoing the first buttons, only for my hands to be enveloped by his big one.

"Shhh." He whispered, never stopping his kisses that were moving from my collarbone to my ear and back down.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked, "Bella, you need to be absolutely sure. I want no more regrets in my life. I couldn't bear you regretting this."

"I'm sure," I panted.

"No regrets?"

"No regrets. I love you."

His eyes continued to stare into my own for a few seconds longer, before every ounce of doubt vanished and he surrendered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry for the late update. Real life and all. Thanks for sticking around. You know what happens next time right?


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21:<strong>

"_Are you sure you want this?" He asked. "Bella, you need to be absolutely sure. I want no more regrets in my life. I couldn't bear you regretting this."_

"_I'm sure," I panted._

"_No regrets?"_

"_No regrets. I love you."_

_His eyes continued to stare into my own for a few seconds longer, before every ounce of doubt vanished and he surrendered._

* * *

><p>He leaned down, first kissing my forehead, before slowly moving down. Starting with my ear. Slowly. Gently. To my cheek. The corner of my mouth. Moving over to my other other. Repeating the process. Never relenting.<p>

My pants filled the air. Lungs feeling as if they might burst.

When his lips finally found mine again, it was as if something inside burst. Lips moving frantically against his. Begging.

"Edward." Whining. Panting.

"Hmm?"

"Hurry up."

Slow chuckles. Lips moving down my throat. Hands slowly moving up my sides.

"No. This will be slow. Roll over."

Rolling over, his hands found the zipper to my dress, slowly peeling it off me. The way he'd said he would do. Lips following the zipper.

"No bra. Hmm." Smiles in his voice. Lips kissing down my back. Languidly. Until finally, he tossed it over his shoulder. My eyes finding his. Grinning.

He rolled me over again, looking giddy. My giggles soon turned into pants into low moans when his hands found my breasts. Thumbs. Lips found my nipples. Sucking. Biting. Tugging.

"You're overdressed." Panting. Laughing.

He never let go though. Continued to draw it all out of me. Moans and groans.

"Edward. Let me…"

Tugging on his hair, he looked up. My fingers. No longer trembling. Getting rid of his shirt. Finding his pants. Fumbling. His hands, slowly helping mine. Helping me. Until there were no more pants or shoes or shirts or boxers or panties.

Looking down.

"Fuck me." Amazed. Breathless whisper.

"I plan to."

More kisses. This time, they were from my calves up to my thighs. Agonizingly slowly. Outside. Inside. Making their way up. Never where I wanted them most to be. Deep breaths. Loud pants. Hands on my breasts. Lips at the juncture of my thighs. Up. Over my stomach. Breasts. Till they found mine again.

"Are you on…" Breathless whisper. "I'm clean." Sucking on my neck. "I got checked out. Few weeks ago. If you don't, I have…"

"Yeah. Me…" Moans. "Me too. Before…" He looked up. "I got it all checked before… my parents."

He nodded, swollen lips founding mine again. Slowly aligning himself. One last look. Making sure.

His forearms found their place beside my head. Imprisoning me. Every nerve ending of my body. Begging for him. Needing him. Hips moving forward. Sheathing himself within me. Stretching. Waiting for me.

Our moans filled the room before his lips captured mine again. My hips surging upwards. Begging for more. A strangled groan erupted from me before his hips started moving again. Pushing me towards where I wanted to be. Needed to be.

For minutes, moans and groans were the only things heard in the room. Skin on skin. Thrusts. Taking me higher. Frantic hands in his hair. His back. His chest. His stomach. Searching contact. His lips on my neck. My breasts. Hands in my hair. Holding my thigh. Moving up my sides.

Until I felt my toes curl. Pleasure and heat spread from within me. Spread into every cell. Back arching. Every nerve ending in my body. Feeling pleasure. Gasping for breath. Muscles shaking. Squeezing him. Making him moan into my shoulder. One last groan.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I tried to keep the weight of my body from crushing her. Tried. But my body had a mind of its own, my muscles giving out underneath me, imprisoning her under my body. Frantically, I tried to get up to let her breathe again, but it refused to happen. I heard her giggle at my futile attempts at getting off her and felt her fingernails scratching up and down my back, making me groan.

"You think that's funny?"

Another giggle. A pinch to my back. "No. I think that's flattering. That you can't even move now that you're through with me."

I gasped, trying to act offended, but failing as the laugh bubbled up inside my throat.

When I finally managed to roll off her, I quickly snaked my arm around her waist, drawing her nearer, never wanting to leave her warmth. I sneaked little kisses all over her giggling face, while my hands softly caressed her body.

"Thank you." I said softly.

She propped herself up on her elbow, looking at me, one eyebrow raised.

"Did you seriously just thank me for sex?" she asked.

"No. God. I'm so… No, I wanted to thank you for… making me forget. I… I'm known to have the problem of not being able to turn my head off. I think… constantly. About my past. About our future. Trying to think of ways. Find ways out. And you… you make me forget about everything but you. When I'm with you nothing is important but you and me together." I said, my thumb softly stroking her hip.

"That's… good," she answered.

"From time to time, you just need to forget about the past and future."

"I love you," she suddenly started. "I hope you know that. I mean, I want to tell you. In case you forgot or… I'm just scared I'm not telling you often enough. I hardly ever told my parents."

"I know," I whispered softly. "I love you too. So much. You make everything more intense. My regrets. My gratitude. My love."

"Don't regret," she whispered.

"I don't. Not a single second since the day I met you. I don't regret Victoria either. Without her, I wouldn't have met you. Wouldn't have loved you. I regret… my parents… they didn't deserve…" My voice broke. I thought about all those memories. The happy ones. The sad ones. The things I said. The things I did. How I missed them. My family.

"What?"

"Nothing. I don't want to ruin the mood." I forced out an unconvincing laugh.

"You need to talk to me about that… sometime…"

"Hmmm…." I hummed, my chest constricting with a sense of panic, my eyes stinging with ripe tears of regret. I hadn't allowed myself to think that clearly about them in years.

Trying to suppress the emotions welling up inside me and to distract her questions, my caresses grew more defined. Her little giggle made me smile, made my heart lighter. Filled it with love for this little woman in front of me that made everything lighter and heavier and more intense. Her giggling soon turned into soft panting, causing her to sit up to straddle me and whisper in my ear, "Ready for round two?"

I couldn't even form the word 'yes' with my lips before she sunk down on me, making me groan, my eyes squeeze shut and my whole body tighten. As soon as she started moving above me, they flew open again and the sight that greeted me there made the air leave my body with a whoosh.

With her head thrown back, she slowly rocked above me, groaning softly, with her hands on my stomach, softly scratching and pinching and tweaking the sensitive skin. My hands searched out for her breasts like a starved man searching for sustenance, and ever so slowly, I sat up to bring them to my mouth. After a while, even that wasn't enough. I lay back down only to start thrusting upwards in synchronisation with her rocking.

And afterwards, as she lay in my arms, her head on my chest and her breath softly fawning over me, I thought that for the first time in years, I was truly happy. And I vowed to myself to never do anything to compromise this happiness.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so when did you order this?"<p>

"Bella, you slept like the dead." I smirked.

"Hey, you tired me out!"

"Seems like I did. And please… can you put on something.. more.. than my shirt?" I groaned.

"You don't like?" She asked, her face innocent, her eyes twinkling, while she popped open a button. She then proceeded to do a little twirl for me, leaving little to the imagination.

"Oh, I like… Can you… Put on… There's a robe in the bathroom… Please? Before you hurt yourself." I said, when I saw her stumble.

She pouted and stomped off to the bathroom, leaving me chuckling softly to myself.

"Okay, so here you go. I'm all bundled up," she said, walking over to where I sat at the table that was filled with every breakfast this hotel had to offer.

I sneaked my arm around her waist, drawing her towards me.

"I just don't want you or me to get hurt." I whispered into her shoulder.

"How would you get hurt?" She asked a little breathless, straddling me.

"Hmmm… Stuff down there could get hurt… from pent up… erm… energy."

"Oh that doesn't feel hurt at all," she said, rocking against me.

"Okay… First, you eat and then… we talk… or something."

"Or something…" She grumbled and moved over, taking a few strawberries and making herself comfortable up on the chair. "How long are we gonna stay here?"

"Till tomorrow. We have to be back by noon."

"I haven't done all the shit she wanted me to do this weekend...She even made a list, and I'm…"

"Bella, the house is spotless as it is."

"Not for her."

"Bella is she being… okay to you? I mean, I know this situation is anything but easy. And I'm so fucking sorry. And, if I could stop being as selfish as I am, I'd go out and buy you a pretty apartment, but as it is, I want you under my roof. I want to be able to see you when I come home. Kiss you when I feel like it. Sneak into bed with you. Talk to you and laugh with you and hold you when you sad. I just don't want you to go… Even though I know it'd be best for you." I rambled.

"Edward, I…" She started.

I silenced her with a finger on her lips and a small smile.

"I bought this for you… It's not… a ring or anything. I will give you a ring sometime. I promise. But I need to earn that privilege first. Because the day I give you a ring, I want to look into your eyes and see no worry or doubt about our future there. I want to go down on one knee and promise you with my whole heart that you're the only woman in my life and always will be. And I want to be able to promise to give you a home to raise our family in. With a garden and a swing and a fucking dog, if you want that. I want to be able to promise you that I will always provide and care for our family. And right now, I can't promise you all those things yet. So I'll wait. And give you this."

She took the bracelet from my hand, softly turning it around in her hand, looking at it.

"It's a…"

"Charm bracelet," she laughed, "I actually do know some of that women stuff, Edward."

The way she smiled timidly made my heart swell in my chest. I took her hand that wasn't holding the bracelet in mine, kissing it softly.

"Thank you," she whispered, slowly looking at each charm.

"There's our house, a tree, representing our park, a burger and a few other stuff…"

"Is this a heart…?"

"Yeah… It's… I mean…"

She slapped my shoulder softly, while at the same time, slowly straddling me.

"You're such a sap," she said. She didn't wait for my reply when she kissed me, and once again, made me forget about my past and our unsure future.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer**:_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22:<strong>

EPOV

We returned from our hotel on a Sunday morning. We'd spent all of Saturday in bed, making love, laughing, talking and sleeping. Seeing the light shine in her eyes, her happiness, by just spending time with me, made me even more determined to find a way out of this. Out of here.

We spent the rest of Sunday cleaning up the house together, and baking pizza. Bella was determined to show me how to make a good pizza dough. I spent the day chasing her with the flour.

"Edward, can you pay attention please? What if… I break a leg sometime, and want you to make me pizza? You won't know how to do it!"

I tried to inconspicuously take some of the flour into my hands, while she went on and on about how she broke her leg and why she'd want me to make her pizza.

"Bella…" I interrupted her rant. "I'll just order it."

"Oh no you won't, Edward! I swear to you, if I ever break my leg, or am unable to make pizza by myself in any other way, and you dare order some and pretend you made it, I'll kick your perky little ass right out of our bedroom."

I stood there, hands behind my back, smiling like an idiot at her speaking so easily about our future. I felt the strong urge to take the strand of hair that had fallen out of her bun, and tuck it behind her ear, only to kiss my way down and down and down…

I shook my head free of the fog it had been in to smirk at her, asking, "You think I have a little ass?"

"I think you have an amazing ass. Especially when it's set to work for my benefit."

We both snorted loudly and I saw that as my chance to take my hands full of flour and chuck it all into her face.

I burst out laughing at the expression she made, only to be shut up quickly by her spluttering and coughing wildly.

"Oh my god, Bella, I'm…"

I didn't get to finish my sentence before the whole bag of flour flew straight at me, landing on my chest with a thud, the flour covering me from head to toe.

"Oh now you have it coming, lady." I charged towards her, her little shriek of laughter making my heart skip a beat.

Before she even had the chance to run away, I grabbed her by her butt, my hands full of flour leaving a nice mark and put her onto the counter.

"Don't you ever run away from me," I murmured and crashed my lips to hers.

Her giggles turned into little groans soon enough, and her hands quickly grabbed my shirt, tugging it upwards. I decided to let her, and laughed at her frustrated grunts when she didn't get me out of the shirt at the speed she wanted to.

She got the shirt halfway over my head, when she froze making me shut up. I strained my ears and heard a key turn in the front door.

"Edward…" Bella whispered. "That's…"

"You stay here and pretend to cook," I said before taking off, sprinting towards the stairs, taking two at a time.

I heard Victoria shout my name and ask Bella where I was seconds before I closed the door to the bathroom, locked it and stripped off my clothes.

Under the warm spray, I tried to slow my beating heart. The way that reality had set in so fast, without any warning, had put a huge damper on my mood. I let all the guilt crash over me, nearly making my knees buckle beneath me.

I was so selfish for making Bella lie for me, making her be the second woman, making her hide our relationship, when she and her beauty should be paraded around, showed off. I felt guilty for not telling her the real story about why we couldn't just contact my parents. And I felt guilty for feeling the aggression rise inside me like all those years ago. The same feeling that got me to where I am right now.

My thoughts were interrupted by Victoria knocking on my door, asking me to open up.

"I'm out in a bit," I screamed.

After a few more minutes, I got out, and since I hadn't brought any clothes with me, wrapped a towel around my waist, expecting Victoria to be long gone.

"Hey," she greeted me, sitting on the bed waiting, when I came out of the bathroom.

"Hey," I said. "How was your trip?"

"Great, thanks. We had fun." She murmured and got up to walk towards me. "It would've been better with you there but…"

She brought her manicured finger towards my chest to slowly drag it downwards. I caught her hands before she could make contact with the towel. She cleared her throat and stepped back. I took a step towards the wardrobe, internally begging her to get the clue and leave.

"Edward?" I grunted in response. "Why don't we have sex any more?"

I coughed, taken aback.

"Wha… Sorry?"

"We… I mean, we haven't had sex for years. I mean, Mom always said that's normal, you know. That after the whole honeymoon thing, married couples kind of fall into a routine and stuff… But like, Lauren said she and Barry do have sex… from time to time. And I was just wondering, I mean… We never even sleep in the same room… I mean, I know you're not exactly the type to show affection and all, and Daddy warned me of that before I married you, but still, I'm just confused. Do you… do you not love me any more?"

I stared into her eyes, confused and scared and for the first time in all those years; felt guilt for what I had done to her. Victoria was a mean, self-centred, cunning woman. She was not the brightest woman out there; she was a bitch and I wasn't even sure she was capable of an emotion like love, but despite all that, she always felt something for me. And for the first time in years, I realized that she had no idea why I married her.

"I'm… Look Vic, I'm just… I'm sure Lauren fucks a few more people than just her husband."

"Oh, I know… Remember the gardener you fired weeks ago? I'm glad you did. He hit on me all the time, but I swear Edward, I never did anything. But now, he's L's new toy. The stuff she told me that he does to her… We should try that sometime…" She said, stepping closer to me again.

I walked backwards, gritting my teeth because Victoria wasn't the only woman that fucker had hit on.

"Look Vic, can we talk about this later? I really need to get into the office to talk to your dad about something."

"Was anyone here today? Besides you and that girl?"

"Her name is Isabella. And no there wasn't. Why are you asking?"

"Because there were hand-prints on her ass", she said, a frown appearing on her face. I felt dread wash over me at the realization that she had noticed there was something going on.

"I know her name," she began, "I just don't like her. I would've never even hired her if Daddy hadn't told me to."

In a desperate attempt to steer her thoughts away from my hand-prints on Bella's ass, I asked, "Why did he tell you to hire her?"

She shrugged and still appeared to be deep in thought.

After a few more seconds, she shrugged again and kissed my cheek and walked out of the room, leaving me confused.

* * *

><p>I walked into the office, knowing he'd be here, even on a Sunday. I burst into his office, startling him.<p>

"Edward!" He said, surprised.

"You never told her?" I growled, my hands on his desk.

He took off his glasses, and sat back in his chair.

"About what?"

"This!" I said, waving a hand back and forth between us both.

"Well, I guess she suspected it maybe. But you just noticed now?"

"I…" I stuttered. "I just always thought she knew. That this was an arrangement. That there were never any real feelings on my part."

"To be honest, I always thought the feelings on your part would develop, with time."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped me.

"Look, Edward, I can't hurt her like that. She cares for you, deeply. And why do you care? Do you want out?"

His eyes bore into mine, and the question cut through the air with his cold voice. And even though every fiber of my body wanted me to scream out "yes", I hung my head, and forced my lips to whisper, "No."

And again, the guilt washed over me. It felt as if I was betraying the woman I loved. And again, my brain went over all the possibilities. Again it found no way out; because without Richard and this firm, we had nothing but an empty house.

"I know you bought the Swan house."

"What?" I gasped, fear gripping my heart.

"Look, Edward, you may think I'm as gullible as my daughter, but I know. About you and the Swan girl. And that's okay. A man needs variety every once in a while. That girl lives there, traipsing around the house with that fine ass…" He trailed off. I balled my hands into fists and it took everything in me not to break every bone in his body right there. "But you have to know that this, you and her, it has no future. Do you hear me? You keep the house, it's a good investment, but don't get any ideas concerning you and that girl. If I see this getting out of control… I can get rid of people quite easily, bear that in mind. Now if you'll excuse me, I have someone waiting for me outside. I'll see you tomorrow."

In an attempt to control my anger, all I did was nod shortly, before I stormed out of the room, leaving the door open. I walked around the corner and leaned against the wall; relief, anger and fear were making my head swirl. I sat down, elbows on my knees and hands in my hair and breathed deeply trying to get rid of the nausea that settled in my stomach.

I felt tears fill my eyes at the realization that the only option that would've maybe helped Bella and me out of this situation, was selling the house; that was now gone. Apart from the fact that I couldn't ask her to sell the house she grew up in, the house she loved, Richard now told me not to sell it. I still felt a small sense of relief at the fact that he obviously didn't know that the house was not mine any more, but Bella's.

I tried to get up slowly, but settled back down when I heard hushed whispers from Richard's office.

"So where's the Swan money, Richard? Did you already use all that?"

"Look Aro, there's nothing left. The fool obviously didn't only lose my money, but also a few other peopl'es and the stuff he left for his daughter, I…. Aro, I invested, but the stock market…"

"Richard, I want my money… My daughter and granddaughter deserve better than you, constantly putting your money in the wrong hands…"

"I know… Give me a few months. Economy is looking up again. I swear to you, you WILL get your money."

For a few seconds an eerie silence engulfed the building.

"Don't disappoint me again, Richard."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, I guess the cat's out of the bag now. Thanks so much everyone for reviewing and putting this on alert. I know I suck at review replies but I really am grateful for every single one. Till next week.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

We returned from our perfect trip away almost weeks ago. I was currently in the bathroom, getting ready for my night out, but also trying to talk myself into telling Edward. I stared at the empty pill package. It really wasn't that big of a deal. We could just use condoms really.

When I was done blow drying my hair, I wrapped the towel tighter around myself and walked into my bedroom, only to scream and smash the door the the bathroom closed, as soon as I saw Jessica and some guy sitting there.

"Bella? Girl, why are you screaming, you weren't even naked! And who cares if you were, it's not like you have to be ashamed of anything. Your boobs are like, amazing. Seriously Mike, you should see them, she has the prettiest boobs. Not like me. My right one is bigger than the left one, which really sucks if you need to find a good fitting bra and…"

I decided to interrupt her rambling by shouting, "Jessica, why is there a guy in my bedroom?"

"Oh sweetie, I told you about him remember? He's coming out with us tonight. Mike, the naked girl is Bella, Bella, the guy on your bed is Mike."

I opened the bathroom door and greeted him through a narrow gap, "Hi."

"Hi. I'm gay. Just so you know."

"Are you just saying that so you can see my boobs?"

"Bella, I swear to you, he hasn't ever touched me inappropriately in the five days we've known each other, and he's seen my ass naked, so there you go. He's really gay. Now get out of there! We brought an outfit for you."

She got up and pulled at my hand, making me shriek loudly.

"Okay, I'm out!. But I won't let the towel fall."

"That's okay, sweets," He said. "I just, before you freak out on me, want to present you the advantages of this outfit we picked out," he held up a fabric of… something. "Admittedly, this is a bit on the shorter side. But now that I look at you, I see Jessica was right, blue is definitely your color. It enhances your skin tone perfectly, and your boobs in this dress will look fan-friggin-tastic. Also, your legs…"

He was interrupted by the door to my bedroom bursting open and Edward looking taken aback.

"I heard… You screamed and I… Who the fuck are you?" He asked his face darkening.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Don Eduardo. He's just checking out her legs."

"JESSICA!" I screeched. "Edward, that's Mike, he's Jessica's friend and totally gay."

He looked at Mike dubiously.

"Can you step away from my… Bella?" He asked, making me giggle.

"Oh, sure," Mike said, finally snapping out of his daze. "So, she's your Bella, huh? Sweetie, you snagged yourself some fine piece of man meat there. I tell you, the good ones are always either straight, taken or both."

I covered my mouth with both hands, to keep from cracking up. Mike never took his eyes off Edward whilst speaking, while Edward looked more than uncomfortable. He looked Mike straight in the eyes before asking me, "Can we… talk?"

"Erm… yeah sure. Do you wanna go outside or…"

"You're only wearing a towel, Bella." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Right…" I snorted. "Let's go into the bathroom."

"Do you guys maybe need some privacy?", Mike asked.

"No, they fucking don't, Mike." Jessica said. "Don't give them ideas. I want to get going. We'll be standing right here. Listening for noises."

"Right." Edward said before ushering me into the bathroom.

He looked the door behind himself, and took a step closer.

"Who is that dude and why was he talking about your legs?" He asked trying to sound calm but failing.

"Edward, he really only is Jessica's friend. And did you see the way he looked at you? If he's not gay, then I don't know who is. It's all good. We're going to go out dancing and stuff and that's it. I told you I'd go out today."

"You never said there was a man involved." He mumbled.

I giggled, "It's no big deal, Edward. I have to talk to you about something when I get home though."

"Okay… When will you be home? Because I… I have to talk to you about something…"

"I won't be home too late." I said, pecked him on the lips and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

I stared at the wall of pictures, smiling to myself. Ever since that first night she was in here, more pictures joined the one of her sleeping on the couch. There were pictures of her smiling, pictures of her laughing and pictures of her with that cute, angry frown. There were pictures of her biting her lip, or pictures of her hiding behind her hair.

The few pictures I had of the family I lost where newly arranged, so that I found in between every picture of my lost family, one of my new family. And I desperately wished that she could, like she did on my wall, mend the gaps between my lost family and myself. That maybe she would be able to heal us, like she healed me. And the tiny hope that fluttered up in the pit of my stomach made a sad smile stretch across my face.

My silent musing was interrupted when I heard laughter downstairs, someone whisper "shh" and something get knocked over.

"Shit," I mumbled and hurried downstairs. On my way, I checked Victoria's bedroom, to make sure she hadn't woken up and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her sleeping deeply.

"Bella, sweetie, I'm sure it's not that big of a deal," I heard Mike slurr.

I halted on the staircase, listening in.

"Mikey, it was her favorite… something. And I knocked it over. She's going to kill me with her bare hands. Oh my god, what if she now knows I love her husband?" Bella sounded panicked and very drunk.

I heard Jessica snort and slurr back, "Bella, how would she know about you fucking that sexy piece of ass by you knocking over this ugly… piece?"

"She's a witch."

And that statement made everyone down there crack up.

"A witch bitch itch. She's an itch."

"Okay Bella," Jessica started, concentrating on every word. "I myself have an itch that needs to be scratched by that hot guy in the taxi, so I'll see you sometime soon. I love you."

"I love Edward," Bella answered, and after some more giggling and goodbyes, I heard the front door close.

I saw that as my cue to come down, and saw my Bella sitting on the floor, trying to pick up the pieces of Victoria's favorite porcelain dog.

"Okay, sweetie, why don't you let me do that and you go get ready for bed, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry. It fell into me. It wasn't even my fault," she said and tried to get up.

"It's no big deal," I said and kissed her on the lips once.

"I'm not tired."

"You go upstairs anyway. I'll be right up. Do you need help?"

"No. I'll wait for you."

I heard her stumble a few times on the stairs, making me chuckle softly while I cleaned up Victoria's hideous dog that had always sat by the door.

When I was done, I walked up after her, fully expecting her to be already passed out in bed but I couldn't find her. After some searching and some whisper-shouting, I saw that the door of the piano room was open a crack.

"Honey what are you doi…"

The rest of my sentence got caught in my throat when I saw her lying on top of the piano. She was wearing the probably sexiest piece of lingerie I had ever seen and looked at me expectantly.

"Do you like it? Jessica brought it over and I don't know, I never…"

"Are you going shy on me now? Fuck." I groaned, closed and locked the door behind me and walked over to her. "I should really not take advantage of you in your drunken state but seeing you like that…"

I took her legs, leaving her heels where they were and started kissing upwards, inch by delicious inch. I could hear her breathing speed up, exciting me even further.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

"I am." I breathed on her thigh, before slowly making my way downwards again.

"No," she whined, making me laugh silently.

When I was done with her legs, I dragged her towards me, making her laugh and cuss at the same time when her skin against the piano made a screeching sound.

"Shit," I laughed. "Sorry, sorry."

I slowly pecked her stomach upwards until I pressed my face between her breasts and licked and sucked at the hollow. At the same time, my hands fumbled to get rid of the sexy as hell bra.

"It has a bow at the front, you see?" She whisper-giggled. "I'm your present."

"Hmm, you're an amazing present," I mumbled, before taking her nipple in my mouth, tugging and sucking, making her arch her back and groan.

I repeated the process with her second breast, before finally kissing her on the lips. She opened her mouth wide for me, her tongue finding mine instantly, making my dick harden even further. While we kissed, my hands slowly made their way down and started tugging on her panties.

When she finally had to come up for air, I tugged her panties down all the way and started sucking at her clit before she could protest, making her whimper.

Before long she tugged my head upwards, sat up and started clawing at my shirt.

When we were both finally naked, I carried her over to the keys of the piano and sat her down on them, producing a loud screeching sound that in that moment, was sexy as hell.

"Shit," I laughed but continued to kiss her. "Wrap your legs… Yeah…"

"Did you lock… Did you lock the door?" She panted.

"Yeah," I panted and at the same time, sheathed myself inside her, making us both groan.

I could feel everything at once. And it was something I would never get used to. The heels digging into my ass. Her nails scratching along my back. Her voice. Panting. Moaning. Groaning. Begging me to go faster. And I did. Faster. And harder. And as a far, far away sound, I could hear the piano groan beneath us. Keys being tormented repeatedly by Bella's ass and her hands. But I couldn't bring myself to care. All I heard was Bella moaning my name, while she tightened around me further and further. Begging me to do something. Anything. And finally, Bella shouting my name as she came. And took me along for the ride.

As we both came down from our high, her head on my chest, both still panting heavily, she started singing, "She works hard for the money" while giggling and she didn't even get to finish the chorus, before she clamped a hand over her mouth and ran off, naked, dressed only in heels, in search for a bathroom.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

"Mr Cullen…" I said, sounding rather breathless, but still with a slightly annoyed tone to my voice.

"C'mon. We'll get you to the hospital." He whispered, tugging me along by my uninjured arm.

Victoria was leaning against the opposite wall, looking ashen. She was still holding the pot of water in her hand. I saw how her hand was shaking and a little red but apart from that she seemed fine.

"Ed… Mr. Cullen, that's really not… It's just a little burn." I said glancing down at my arm and chest. It certainly wasn't, but I wasn't about to make him make a big deal of it.

"Bella, it's not just a little burn. Come on."

"I can't," I said, suddenly feeling ashamed for discussing this again. This time in front of his wife.

About two weeks ago was when we first talked about this. After I woke up, feeling hungover and sick, I remembered how I wanted to talk to him about birth control. After endless minutes of asking he took advantage of my hungover state and got out of me that I couldn't afford another box. He was then going on about money, him paying it, giving me a raise and social security. I threw a fit, telling him to get over himself and just wear the damn condoms. So we did.

"Bella, look at me." He waited until I was looking him straight in the eyes before he continued. "It was her who burned you. So she'll have to pay for the costs it takes to fix you back up."

"I don't need to be fixed back up. I'm fine," I interrupted.

"I don't give a fuck. You'll come to the hospital with me."

"No."

"Good, then wait here. I'll just call an ambulance. Or a freaking helicopter. I don't care. Victoria can afford it, right?"

Her lips hinted a sweet smile in my direction. Her eyes said something totally different though. I had a suspicion that her dislike for me had turned into hatred ever since that night three weeks ago. And after today, I was sure of it. I was sure she knew.

_I was speeding into the kitchen, fully prepared for a lash-out from the ice queen. I was late preparing dinner because I'd been busy all day long, trying to take the books out of the shelves in the library, so I could properly clean them. My arms were sore from lifting them down and up again and during working, I had completely forgotten the time._

_I was taking the still-frozen steaks out of the freezer, when I noticed that there was a pot of water on the stove, nearly boiling. I cocked my head to the side wondering what to do with it, when Victoria came bursting into the kitchen, announcing that, "the water on the stove was hers because she needed to try a new mask for her face."_

"_You can't… I'm sorry, but you can't put boiling water on your face."_

_For a second, I imagined steam coming out of her ears and clamped a hand over my mouth to hide my grin. _

_She smiled at me, one of those angry smiles, and said, "I know that, dear. It's not supposed to be boiling anyway."_

"_Well… this one will be boiling in a few, so…" My explanation was met with a blank stare._

"_Okay… So… I'm just gonna prepare your dinner then… it should be ready in…"_

_I was interrupted by the door opening and Edward walking in, looking handsome as ever in a suit. I tried not to smile too obviously, but she must've seen as the next thing I felt was hot water being poured all over my hand and part of my chest._

_I jumped back, knocking into the counter in the process. For a second, I just stood there, holding my hand, gasping for breath before the pain started to set in and my eyes stung with tears. I could see Edward rushing towards me, knocking Victoria over in the process and taking my hand to hold it under the cold water._

* * *

><p>"See? I told you. It's only a second degree burn. Nothing serious. It's gonna hurt a little for a week or two but that's about it."<p>

"So you're okay?" He asked, running his hand through his hair.

I looked at him properly for the first time, seeing how nervous and shaken he really was. His hair was a mess and his eyes looked glassy. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone and the collar was crumpled. He looked at my top. It was ripped open from one of the nurses in order to see the burn.

"I'm fine," I said, taking his hand in mine and giving it a squeeze. "He gave me some biosynthetic-something I should use daily, and then gave me some pain meds and even a prescription for some for at home. I should just keep it clean and make sure it's not getting infected."

He looked me straight in the eyes, looking for anything I might have left out.

"Okay… Good. So…"

"C'mon," I said. "Or I'll call a fucking helicopter to get us home."

Hearing his quiet chuckle put the first real smile on my face that day.

* * *

><p>In the car, I finally said what I had wanted to say all along, but didn't know how to approach.<p>

"There won't be…. He says I… it's unlikely there'll be scars."

I looked straight ahead, not wanting to see his face. When the silence still stretched on after a few seconds, I looked over to see him scowling. I started fumbling with my fingers, the movement making my injured hand ache slightly.

"I… If you even think that that would matter to me…"

"I don't…" I quickly hurried to correct him. "I just… I thought you'd like to know. Since you like my chest and all."

After another few uncomfortable seconds, I added, "So you can relax. The girls are fine."

At that, he cracked a smile, but it was quickly replaced by another scowl. I was tired of trying to initiate conversation, so I just sat there and looked at the passing scenery.

After a few more minutes of silent stares and excessive gripping of the steering wheel, he finally broke the silence by whispering, "Bella… I swear to you… she'll pay for this."

"Edward, no. Stop."

"She fucking… I can't believe she…"

"She knows," I stated.

"What?"

"About us. That's why she did what she did. And… I would... In some weird, twisted way, I understand where she's coming from."

"Bella, you can't be serious. I can't…"

"Leave it be. Soon we won't ever have to worry about her again…"

He stared at me for a few seconds, before I waved towards the windshield, wanting him to look at the road, not at me. He dropped the subject, but I knew this probably wouldn't be the last time this was discussed.

"Bella, if I could I'd take you and… fuck, " he continued to stare straight ahead his knuckles white from gripping the wheel so hard. "If I wasn't so selfish, I'd buy a fucking apartment thousands of miles away right now and follow as soon as I could but… as it is, I'm too selfish for that. I need you with me. Also, I never got my last two salaries… There's trouble at the firm and… I really need to talk to you. I heard some stuff and I did some digging and… We need to talk. But not today. When you're feeling better we will it's not really… Later."

"Okay," I whispered, confused. "Is it about…"

"I'll tell you soon," he interrupted me. "But you, my love, are gonna get out now, and walk straight up to your room. I'll be right there with you. I'm just gonna pick up that prescription for you first."

"I really don't think I…"

"Up. Now." He scolded with a serious expression, making me laugh.

I leaned over, pecked him on the lips once, whispering a quiet thank you, and got out of the car. Inside, I fully intended to do as Edward told me but got distracted when I heard Victoria speaking to someone on the phone.

"… but she's… Why do I have to keep her? I don't even like her. She does good work I suppose, but daddy…"

The whining edge to her voice would've made me roll my eyes, had I not been so curious about what she was saying.

"No," she answered to something he had said. "But she… I just don't like her, okay, and I don't understand why you made me have her in the first place."

I heard the voice move towards me, so I made a wild dash upstairs, concentrating hard not to fall. In my room, I quickly dressed down and got into bed, trying to forget about what Victoria had said on the phone; yet as I closed my eyes, something told me it was something I didn't really want to know.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, I stood in my bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror. I tried to look for something. Something that would explain this. Something that would show me. Something that had changed.<p>

But all I saw was what I had always seen. Same hair. Same nose. Same mouth shape and same eye color. But something definitely had changed. I looked into my eyes and saw a new determination there. Saw a new me.

A new me that wasn't as easily scared. A new me that was protective of the ones she loved. A new me that wasn't hiding from her future or her past. A new me that had lost and grieved but got up again. A new me that loved. Loved with her whole heart. And tried to protect the one she loved. And sometimes that meant going against their wishes.

I had made a decision. A decision best for Edward. A decision best for me. A decision best for us and our family. A decision much like he had made years ago, and I hoped it wouldn't turn into a huge mistake. But this wasn't about him or me any longer.

One last time, I glanced from the determination I saw on my face to the stick I held in my trembling hand, before laying it down on the counter and walking out of the room, in search of Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I wanted to apologize for the late update but my computer crashed last week and I only got it back today. Hope I can continue in a normal schedule now but just so you're informed, I'm back at uni and things might get a little hectic around here. I'm sorry.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

I was walking down the hall towards the library, hoping I'd find him there, but bumped straight into Victoria.

"Shit, sorry," I stuttered out.

"What are you doing? Snooping around?" She sneered.

"Why? Is there something to snoop around in?"

"Why don't you take a bucket and clean something?"

"I'm sorry but I'm sick today." I snorted. I knew that either way, I wouldn't lift a finger any more for her.

"Oh, I know. Edward informed me all too well of that, you little…"

"I swear, if you say what I think you're gonna say, I'm gonna throw up all over your fucking Prada wearing self."

For a long moment she just stared at me. Stared me straight in the eye with a look that would've once intimidated me. But I was stronger now.

"I hate you," she whispered. "I really, truly hate you. You destroy everything. You made him into this man that despises me, when I did nothing but care for him."

"I just… Can you just step out of my way, please? I need to get downstairs."

"You still have shit to do in this house."

"Consider me on a leave." I said, before walking around her and descending the stairs.

* * *

><p>Standing before his office door, I felt many things. I knew he could probably hear me from inside, standing in front of the door, not daring to walk in. I was anxious and nervous. I wanted him to be happy. Wanted him to embrace this. Although I knew there was a big chance that he would be happy, a small part of me couldn't help but feel scared. Scared of his reaction.<p>

I was also scared that he would see this baby as a complication. A complication in his plans and a complication in his life right now, because essentially we had nothing. No money. An empty house to live in. Nothing really we could offer a child right now.

And a part of me felt hope. Hope that he'd finally wake up from his stupor. That he'd see that his parents are his only option. And my resolve tightened. If he didn't, I would. Even if it would mean having to break his trust.

With that hope in my heart, I knocked on the door two times before stepping in and locking it behind me. He was leaning over some papers on his desk, eyes downcast for a few more seconds, before he looked up and a small smile appeared on his lips when he saw it was me.

"Hey," he breathed.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"I have something to tell you," I said, biting my lip. Nervous butterflies continued to drum against my stomach from inside and I could feel my hands desperately searching for something they could torment nervously.

He moved back with his chair, inviting me to come over and sit on his lap. With one last glance towards the locked door, I walked over, standing in front of him. He put his hands on my waist, pulling me closer and as if he knew, kissed my clothed stomach.

"Why are you this nervous?" He mumbled, kissing my hand.

When I didn't answer but only continued to fumble with my hands, he took both of them and asked, "Are you feeling better?"

I couldn't help the little snort that escaped me. He looked at me quizzically, his eyes asking a thousand questions.

I looked down and opened my mouth, but no sound would come out. My throat closed up and I felt frozen in silence.

"C'mon, sweetheart. It can't be that…"

"I'm pregnant," I interrupted him. My head snapped up and I saw him look at me with complete shock written over every feature of his face. His mouth hung open a little and his eyes stared at me, vacant of any emotion.

I swallowed and the babbling began. "I… I mean, I suspected something for a few days but I just found out… a few minutes ago myself… well, probably more than that, since I stood in front of the mirror for a while, but I came to you right away and I'm so nervous you're gonna…"

"Okay… So… I need to find a plan. Fast."

"What?" I shook my head a little, trying to rid it of the haze that obviously clouded my hearing.

"We need to plan something. I mean obviously we can't live like this and have a baby. How the fuck would I explain this to Richard?" He asked in a tone that suggested I was the one with the crazy reaction to his statement.

"Are you being serious?"

"What? Of course I am! I don't know what you're…"

"Okay..." I mumbled and took his hands off me, fully intending to walk out of the room, but I halted with my hand on the handle. I took a deep breath and tried to get all the pent up emotions, the nervousness and shock and sadness and anger under control.

"I was expecting a lot of things. I was expecting anger. Maybe sadness and I was hoping for some happiness. But this…"

"Bella, what…"

"Okay, so you don't want to talk about how you feel? Okay. Let's talk about plans. You and I will pack a fucking bag, and you and I will knock on your parents' door and ask for their help. Because this is not about you any more, Edward. This is about a baby. And whatever you may feel, may it be anger or disappointment or any other emotion, it does not justify you ignoring the next best solution we have!" I finished, breathing heavily.

"So, you think we should just waltz in there and everything is gonna be fine? God, sometimes you can be so…"

"It's better than not even trying!" I screamed. "You spent the last few months trying to come up with a solution and quite frankly, I'm starting to think you weren't even searching in the first place. And right now, the only solution I see is, yes, waltzing in there and hoping everything will turn out okay, someway, somehow."

"He told me never to come back!" He screamed back. "He looked into his own son's eyes and told him never to set a fucking foot in his house again."

The statement hung in the air. I could feel all air leaving my lungs. I looked up and saw him staring at me with that vulnerable look in his eyes.

"I… I freaked… When they asked me not to marry her… I just wanted to prove myself, god damn it! And I know how stupid that seems now, but back then, it made sense and they told me NOT to do it… And I just fucked up their living room… I had so much anger in me back then and I…"

"Edward, you're their child. He didn't mean that." I whispered.

"Don't you get it, Bella? He doesn't want to see me any more. You don't say something like that if you don't mean it. You should've seen the look in his eyes…" His voice had an edge to it I had never heard before. In some way it scared me a little.

The silence stretched on. For what seemed like ages, we stood opposite each other; myself at the door, my hand still on it's handle behind me, him behind his desk. It was probably only a few seconds long, but during those few seconds, I decided to stick to my decision. To do this with or without him. To give him a choice, one last time, and to then do what I thought was best for us. Our family.

"So you won't consider it? Asking them?" I whispered, already knowing the answer to that question.

"No, Bella. Forget it. It's not happening. We need to find another way."

And even though I felt the hurt rush through my body at his words, at the realization that he wouldn't do this, not for me, not for us, not for our baby, I also felt a sense of peace wash over me. Peace at the realization that things wouldn't stay this way. Whether he wanted them to or not.

"Okay." I whispered and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Finding their address hadn't been that hard. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were a well-known couple in this area. Mr Cullen, a renowned surgeon that attracted patients from all over the country. Mrs Cullen, a sought-after interior designer with her own product line even. Alice and Rosalie Cullen were both still in school. Rosalie studying law and Alice going into the world of fashion.<p>

Sitting in the car a few blocks from their house, I thought about what I would say. How I would explain myself, my actions. I thought about Edward. If he, when he found out about me doing this on my own, would go after me. Or if he'd just forget about it. Wait for me to fail. Wait for me to come home.

I looked at the texts I had received hours ago, asking where I was, asking to reply, apologizing. And as I slowly stepped out of the car, my handbag in one hand, my other hand resting lightly on my stomach, I knew I needed to do this. For the three of us. If he couldn't, I would.

I stood in front of the door that would definitely play a big part in my future, taking one deep last breath and knocked.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Chapter 26**_

EPOV

Every passing second that I stared at the ceiling I felt worse. I was in familiar surroundings; in the same room I've been sleeping in for years, in the same bed, staring at the same ceiling, but it felt like my whole being craved to be down the hall. With the one person I loved more than anything. With the one person I'd hurt more than anything today.

I couldn't describe the feelings that encompassed me when she'd told me she was pregnant. I was bombarded by conflicting emotions. Elation and desperation being the most prominent ones. And while I tried to deal with that onslaught of emotion, I was reminded of other occasions where the anger had won out. And it did again. Anger not directed at Bella or our baby, but anger directed at me. At the situation I had brought us into once again.

I tossed and turned in my mind, conjuring up the images I'd longed so hard to forget. And even as I lay there, thinking about the many times my anger had gotten the best of me, I'd never felt regret quite as big as the one today when I thought about Bella's face. The expectant look when she first told me we were having a baby, and the hope slowly leaving, followed by the hurt that covered her features at my words. And the hurt in her eyes reminded me so much of another pair of eyes I had seen hurt like that before.

"_We're gonna get married," I said, gripping her hand so tight it must've hurt, but I didn't care. All I cared about was the reaction of the people standing in front of me. The two most important people in my life. _

_They didn't say anything and as the seconds passed, the silence encompassing the house got louder and louder. I saw Victoria out of the corner of my eye fidget with her hair and staring at the nails of the hand that I wasn't crushing in a death grip._

"_Her dad… I'm gonna be Vice-CEO of the company. When he…" I looked over to Victoria shortly trying to gauge her reaction. "He's gonna make sure it's going to me when he… can't take care of it anymore."_

_My voice was proud and slightly arrogant. But this was all I ever wanted. To be someone big. To make the people I loved proud and to prove that I wasn't just some crackhead's son. I was a capable man. I wasn't going to be defined by my genes. _

_It was that moment that the front door opened and closed again and Alice walked in, squealing excitedly. She came bouncing into the living room in her usual way but stopped short the second she saw us standing there._

"_Hi, Eddie," she grinned looking at first Victoria then me and back again._

_I groaned, whispering, "Hey, shorty."_

_She grinned at me and I just stared at her thinking of all the times she'd taken the spotlight off me. Sometimes I was grateful for it. But sometimes I hated her and her sister for it._

_I thought about the day Carlisle and Esme had told me they were having a baby. And how from that day on, I seemed invisible. And even though I knew I wasn't and I knew they loved me, I couldn't help but feel that way. As if I'd been replaced. And the feeling never went away. Every time they left a football game early because one of them threw a fit. Every time one of their movies was chosen over mine at movie nights. Every time I brought home bad marks or had to be picked up from the principle's office and got the disapproving look I hated more than anything._

_It was a night in college, when I was shit drunk, on some bathroom floor in some chick's apartment and got a call from Carlisle asking me to come home for Christmas, and hanging up as soon as he heard me slurr, that I made the decision. The decision to make them proud. To become the man I aimed to be. Successful. Respected. _

_Carlisle's throat clearing brought me back into the present._

"_Alice, could you maybe show Victoria around? We'd like to talk to your brother in private for a bit."_

_Alice wrinkled her nose the way she always does when she doesn't like something or is confused, but asked Victoria to follow her nonetheless. I cringed a bit when she pecked my lips, never really having enjoyed all this emotional stuff.. Not with her, not with anyone._

_As soon as they were out of earshot, Esme walked over to take my hand in hers and whisper, "Edward are you sure about this?"_

"_Yes. Of course."_

"_Are you… I mean do you love her?"_

_I stared into her pleading eyes and could feel the rage start to build. _

"_Do you even know what this means for me? I mean, I will one day be the CEO of that company. That very successful company."_

"_Edward," Carlisle interjected in a soothing voice. "You know that we love you and we support you but are you sure you want this?"_

"_Sweetie you can be successful without this kind of sacrifice. I know that," Esme interrupted him._

"_Are you being serious right now? The one time I achieve something you decide to get all judgemental?"_

"_Son, I'm sorry, but marrying into a rich family is no achievement," Carlisle said, his voice hardening._

"_Carlisle," Esme admonished softly._

"_Even less so if you're marrying because of money. That never ends well, Edward. Don't tell us we didn't warn you."_

_As I stood there, I felt like I was on trial. I felt like the teenage boy again that was scolded for being too hot-headed. The boy that made his mother cry. The boy that felt so much rage inside him because his real mother didn't care if he was taken care of or not. Because she only cared about her next shot. The little boy that constantly felt like he had done something wrong for not getting the attention he craved. The little boy that felt like his mother had betrayed him because she had died before she could love him._

_And I snapped. I felt tears prick in my eyes partly because of rage but also because I felt betrayed once again by the people I loved._

"_Oh my fucking god, I'm trying to make you proud, for fucks sake! And all you ever did was tell me I'm not good enough!" I screamed_

"_Edward, we never said that," Carlisle said soothingly, but his calm façade was pissing me off even more._

"_I fucking hate how I always have to feel like I have to prove myself. I don't have to prove myself to anyone. No one."_

"_Edward, you either calm down or you get out of my house right now."_

_I looked from Carlisle to Esme and even though I loved them and my subconscious knew they loved me, in that very moment I hated them for trying to obstruct my future. _

_I could feel the pressure in my chest growing and growing. It felt like there was a giant weight sitting on my chest that refused to get off and I didn't know what to do.. And I lashed out. _

_I threw around everything I could find, crashed the TV, knocked over the couch table. It must've lasted at least a minute but in my haze of rage it felt like mere seconds till knocked me over holding me to the floor for a few seconds before getting up._

_And when he looked at me, all I heard was, "Get the fuck out of my house and don't you dare set a foot on this doorstep again."_

I gasped and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes and this time, I didn't push them back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into the silence of the room, hoping they'd hear me. Hoping everyone I'd ever hurt would.

And listing all the regrets I had in my mind as I had countless times before, I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace none the less. Because all my mistakes and regrets had brought me to Bella.

I sat up abruptly, nearly stumbling over my own feet in my haste to get to her room. I threw open the door and found it empty.

"Fuck," I whispered, but it sounded more like a whimper.

The room was completely empty, only the furniture still there. I could feel my breath coming in shorts gasps and felt lightheaded.

"I… Fuck…"

I sat down on the bed tugging at my hair.

"She's pregnant. I… sent her away I…" The pain and worry and guilt was like nothing I'd ever felt before and I didn't even bother wiping the tears away. I rubbed at my chest, trying to rub the pain and worry away, but it wouldn't leave.

I fumbled for my phone in a haste, hoping I'd find some sort of message there, but the only thing staring right back at me was her smiling face. I sent her texts. Loads of them. Begging her to reply. To tell me where she went. Apologizing.

As I sat there and kept replaying all the things I'd done wrong, a fierce determination gripped me. I couldn't let her get away too. Not the best thing that had ever happened to me. Not her.

I stood up, rushing into my room to throw on some clothes and rushed downstairs, only to nearly collide with Victoria. I just walked around her to grab my keys but noticed her eyeing me peculiarly.

I stood and stared at her and saw a mean glint in her eyes.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Where's Bella?"

Her eyes flickered with something mean and she hissed, "Oh, so she's been upgraded to Bella now? And why does it matter where that little whore has run off to? I am your wife!"

"I don't care who or what you are! Where is she?"

"She quit yesterday evening after she rushed out of your office and was never to be seen again," she smiled evilly.

"Did she say where she'd go?" I asked frantically.

"Why would I care?" She hissed and walked around me and up the stairs.

I grabbed my keys and walked out of the house without looking back.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

I stood in front of the door, fidgeting with my sweaty hands and biting my lip off. Having driven through the night and slept only a little inside the car along the way, I was feeling even more anxious than I usually would. For at least a minute, nothing happened. There was no sound and there was no indication that anyone was even home apart from the two cars in the driveway.

After a minute that felt like ten, I heard a short "coming" and footsteps walking towards me, getting louder and louder. My heart thumped in my chest and I could feel my throat closing up.

The door opened and I immediately recognized the woman staring at me from the pictures in Edward's room. She looked older. Her hair still held the beautiful color it had in the pictures but it seemed duller. There were more wrinkles in her face, and her eyes looked sadder but as she smiled at me, she still was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen.

"How can I help you, my dear?" She asked in a sweet tone and tried to wipe her hands off at the apron she was wearing.

I opened my mouth but no sound would come out.

She immediately knew how to ease my mind when she took my hand and said, "I'm Mrs. Cullen, why don't you come in?"

I still stood there like an idiot and felt frozen to the spot.

A few seconds passed before she smiled at me again and opened her mouth at the same time that I blurted out, "I'm here on behalf of your son. I need your help."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I'm so sorry for the really long wait. Real life and all that. Hope you like it. Next up are the Cullens. Really this time.


	27. Chapter 27

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

**BPOV**

She must've stared at me for only about five seconds, but they felt like minutes. I didn't know where to look. Her eyes, her mouth, the floor. I was biting my lip and started wondering if this wasn't as good as an idea as I had thought at first after all.

I looked up and saw her stare at me, her mouth slightly open, her eyes with tears in them begging me to not play with her. After a few more seconds of silent staring, she took a shaky breath before she whispered, "Why… why don't you come in?"

I stepped inside the house and was blown away by the sheer beauty of it. While Edward and Victoria's house was impressive in its own way, the Cullens' home was filled from head to toe with love.

Entering the house, I immediately noticed that it was all decorated in warm colors, making you feel at ease the second you stepped inside. As soon as Mrs Cullen led me into the living room, I knew though. I knew why I was supposed to be here and why I needed to make this right for him and for us.

Every free space on the walls was covered in memories. Pictures and drawings and old toys and souvenirs from vacations. And everything was skilfully arranged. Nothing about it felt cramped. All you could feel was the love radiating off every single item in the room.

I was brought out of my reverie by Mrs Cullen asking me in a strained voice to take a seat. I sat down on the expensive looking couch, feeling uncomfortable despite the homeliness of the room.

"I don't know…." - "Do you want anything to…"

I shut up as soon as I noticed we were talking at the same time, as did she. Our silence was promptly followed by uncomfortable laughter and I took a shaky breath, willing myself to calm down.

"I didn't offer you anything to drink… Do you want a glass of water? Or juice? We have lots of juices. Orange, apple, bananas. Whatever you'd like. I can also make some coffee or tea."

I laid one hand gingerly on my stomach, craving coffee now that I knew I couldn't have it.

"Tea would be nice, thank you."

"Okay, I'm gonna get you that."

She was on her way out when I asked, "Can I…?"

Pointing around the room I silently asked if I could take a look.

"Of course, go ahead," she smiled.

I slowly got up and looked around me, not knowing where to start. I walked over to a picture that caught my attention the second I walked in. I stood in front of it, smiling at Edward in a graduation gown and cap. Beside him stood a beaming Mrs Cullen, her arm around his waist smiling into the camera and Mr Cullen a hand on Edward's shoulder looking proud. Looking more closely you could see the shadow of a black eye. It looked more yellow than blue already.

I walked on, smiling at Edward smiling and frowned at Edward frowning in some of the pictures. Sometimes he looked happy. Sometimes he looked thoughtful. Sometimes he looked sad. But he always looked loved. I couldn't blame him for having felt the way he felt, but looking at the pictures, I couldn't see it.

I froze when the front door opened and closed, followed by a shout for Mrs Cullen. She didn't answer immediately and before I knew it, Mr Cullen stood in the doorway, briefcase in one hand, looking at me his eyes full of questions.

"I'm…" I stuttered, not really knowing how to explain myself.

I stared at him and marvelled at how attractive he still was after all these years. Looking at him, I couldn't imagine him ever having uttered the words Edward said he had. Him ever sending his son away. He looked kind and caring.

After a few seconds of silent staring, Mrs Cullen came rushing into the room, a tray with two steaming tea cups in her hand. She stopped short when she saw Mr Cullen standing there but recovered after a second, and walked over to set the tray down on the couch table.

"Carlisle. That's…" She halted noticing she didn't know my name.

"Bella. I'm Bella Swan."

"Bella Swan," she finished. "She's here…She… Carlisle she knows Edward."

Her choked up voice brought tears to my eyes and I silently cursed the little being inside me for making me this emotional. I sat down on the couch again and when I looked up, I saw Mrs Cullen leaning into her husband, letting him bear her weight for a second before slowly wiping at her eyes and sitting down across from me.

It was only a second, but in the tiny instance I saw them interact, I felt a longing for my parents like nothing before. I felt a dull ache in my stomach that spread throughout my whole body and brought tears to my eyes.

I laid a hand on my stomach, trying to rub the pain away while taking a deep breath and holding it, not really knowing where to begin.

Mr Cullen must've sensed my dilemma when he said, "Why don't you start with why you're here, my dear?"

I looked up, staring into his eyes that held the same kind of desperation as the ones sitting beside him.

"I'm… I need your help," I whispered. "I'm sorry for my barging in this way but…"

"No… Please… Don't apologize," Mrs Cullen interrupted me.

I smiled shyly and stared down at my hands, continuing.

"I don't really know how to… I'm just gonna tell you my… our story and you can just… tell me what you think then, okay? Because I don't really know how you'll react to this. All I know is I really, really need your help. We do. And he needs you and misses you. So much."

I took a deep breath, steadying my voice before I continued.

"When my parents… A few months ago my parents died, maybe you heard, I think it was on the news, I can't really be sure to be honest because I was kind of out of it… Anyway, my parents died and they left me… I mean there was nothing for me to live by so I was forced to give up school. I started as their housekeeper. Edward and Victoria's. They were… I mean they were just weird… Nothing like you two, and I know that even though I've spent like what, five minutes in your presence… Anyway, he liked to scream at me and… I don't know how I did it but I made him fall in love with me. And he saved me. From a lot of things. He built me back up and made me a stronger person. I wouldn't… Well, obviously I wouldn't be here without him, but I wouldn't have the balls to do this if he hadn't built me up to be a stronger person. To stand up for the people I love. So hereby, I'm standing up for Edward and me."

I fell silent for a few seconds. I could hear someone sniffle and looked up. Mr Cullen had taken a seat beside his sniffling wife, kissing her head, his own eyes shining with tears. He smiled at me his eyes shining with love.

"Sweetie, I… I don't know what you're…" He stuttered, making me smile.

"I'm pregnant. He… He wanted out of the marriage even before I came along but he… We don't have any money. We have a house but that's it. And I don't know how he wants to… with a baby. He's totally dependent on the Denali's when it comes to money and he tried to find a way out for months, but he couldn't. I'm making this choice for him. For us. Because he's too proud to do this himself I will do it for him. Because you might be our last chance."

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I gripped the steering wheel, forcing my mind not to think of the possibilities.

My lips kept begging someone, anyone. To make it alright. To let her be safe. To not let anything have happened to her or the baby. For her to not hate me. For her to not have given up on us.

I flew by some gas station, only glancing shortly at my tank fill, not caring about my throat burning with thirst. But I couldn't stop for even a second. I needed to get her back. I needed to make this right.

Before I knew it, I speed down the all too familiar street, another kind of pain settling in the pit of my stomach. All too soon, I pass her car, my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I stared inside but couldn't see her sitting behind the wheel so I drove on, and parked the car a few blocks after hers. In front of the house that held so many good and bad memories. In front of the house that held my whole future in it right now. I don't know how I knew she'd be there. I just knew in my gut that the Bella I knew, that the Bella I loved, would fight for the things she loved. She'd fight for our future. She'd fight for her child. And this was her doing what I wasn't strong enough to do.

I slowly got out of the car, my whole body aching with every move. As much as my whole being begged me to hurry the fuck up. To burst through the door and to hold her in my arms again - tell her what an ass I'd been, apologize – I couldn't move faster.

I felt like I was wading through cotton. My heart thumped loudly in my chest, my hands felt sweaty and I felt tears prick my eyes.

I walked up the steps like in trance, breathing heavily before I rang the bell.

I stood there, waiting for what felt like hours. A part of me felt like just walking in. Throwing my backpack into a corner. Seeing the little girls dance in the kitchen and Esme take cookies out of the oven.

And before I could think any more things that made my heart constrict and my chest tight, the door opened.

The moment I saw her, my throat closed up and I could do nothing but stare. I saw her hand stop halfway to her mouth and she just gaped at me, her eyes filling with tears and one by one, tumbled down her cheeks. She didn't bother with wiping them away.

I stared, feeling everything and nothing. Pain and happiness and guilt and relief and tears on my cheeks and my hands shaking, but all I really could hear was my voice choking out a "Mom" and a muffled sob following.

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><p><strong>AN:** Tell me what you think :) Thanks so much for every single review. I read them all and it's really motivating. Thank you.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

EPOV

For a few more seconds, I just stared. Stared at the woman that had given me life. Not in the traditional meaning, but in the one that counts. She had shown me what it felt like to love and cherish someone. And as I stood before her, my feelings from years ago, the feelings of inadequacy seemed even more ridiculous than they had before. I looked at her and I saw the love she held for me. Her son.

Before I could even make a conscious decision, I took two steps towards her and took her into my arms. To show her what I should've shown her years ago. That I loved her. That I missed her. And that I was sorry.

The moment she felt my arms around her shaking form, she seemed to come alive and she started throwing her arms around my middle, gripping my shirt in a death grip.

"Mom," I whispered, over and over again. "I'm sorry. Shhh. I'm sorry."

All she did was whisper "Thank you" over and over again.

After what seemed like years, she loosened the grip she had on my shirt and she slowly took my hair to tug me away from the crook of her neck. Her little hands on my cheeks, she looked into my eyes, shimmering with tears, and slowly kissed my forehead.

"Please tell me she's here."

My voice broke halfway through my sentence, my tears falling down my cheeks once again.

"Please… I…"

"She's inside," she whispered, and slowly kissed my cheek once more.

I hugged her real quick, whispering a thank you in her ear and made my way inside, frantically searching for Bella.

In my periphery, I saw someone sitting on the couch but my eyes were focused on the stairs. She was on her way downstairs, her hand gripping the rail tightly and her eyes focused on her feet. The relief that washed through me couldn't possibly be described in words.

I let out a small sob and made my way over, surprising her when my arms wrapped around her, my head finding its way into the crook of her neck, my whole body shaking.

"Don't do that again. Don't run. I'm so sorry. I love you. Don't leave me again. Please. I love you. The two of you. I'm so sorry," I kept mumbling, all the while hugging her to me and breathing in her scent.

I felt her hand in my hair and I think she was talking to me but I couldn't hear a word she said. All I could hear was my heart thumping in my ears and my own mumblings. I was overwhelmed by the knowledge that this woman was still embracing me after I'd made her endure so much. That she was still listening to me. Talking to me. That she was loving me and carrying my child.

"Edward. Edward, stop. It's okay. We'll talk later."

"No it's not, I'm so sorry and I'm so happy about the baby. I really am. I want children with you. Lots of them. Tons. I'm sorry if…"

"Edward, shut up," she said with a small smile on her face before her hands found their way to my tear-chained cheeks and her lips slowly found mine.

I gasped softly before I kissed her back, finally feeling at peace again. My lips gently welcomed hers back, while my one hand pressed against her lower back and my other hand gently sprawled across her belly between us. At the knowledge of what I was doing, she smiled into our kiss and I felt the wetness on her cheeks.

I slowly broke the kiss when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It just lay there, not squeezing, not restraining. And I knew the hand by simply laying there.

I leaned my forehead on Bella's looking at her with unsure eyes. She smiled at me softly before taking my hand and squeezing it.

I cleared my throat before turning around slowly and staring into the eyes of the man I'd always called my father. The eyes of the man I'd love to still call my father after this day. The emotion held my heart in a vice grip, forcing my breathing to speed up. I looked into his face and hoped beyond anything I'd find forgiveness.

"Edward, son," there was a slight pause in which none of us said anything. All that could be heard in the room was breathing. "Can I hug you?"

A mixture between a sob and a laugh escaped me before I felt arms encompass me and the scent of the man I always associated happiness, strength, gentleness and home with, penetrated my senses. All I could do was smile into his shoulder and hug him back the way I'd longed to for years.

* * *

><p>"How did you know I was here?" Bella asked me softly, sitting halfway across my lap since I refused to let her go for even a second.<p>

I heard my parents talking softly in the kitchen. My mother still hadn't calmed down properly and I heard my father console her. I felt guilty for making her cry in the first place but she assured me repeatedly those were good tears. She'd often done that. Assured me about the good tears.

"I just… I knew you'd fight. If not for me then at least for our child. You're a fighter," I said, smiling softly and kissing her nose.

Before she could reply, I heard footsteps and my parents entered the room, both their eyes still blotchy from the tears they'd cried.

My mom put down the tea pot, with cups for all four of us and then sat down beside me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it softly. My dad sat down on the arm of the couch as if he was afraid we were going to disappear if he moved too far away.

"Mom. Dad. I'm sorry I… I've been so stupid."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and was getting ready to explain myself, explain everything, when I heard Bella snort softly beside me. I looked over and saw her trying suppress a smile and failing. Soon, she laughed softly and before I knew it my father joined her, trying to hide his laughter behind a cough.

"It's just… sorry Edward but that's…"

"Yeah it's probably… it's an understatement…" I laughed softly and couldn't help but smile stupidly seeing the three of them laughing at me.

After a few more seconds, Bella softly excused herself to lie down and left me alone to talk to my parents.

"Did you ever try to find me?"

My question sobered them up a bit, but the smiles still stayed on their faces. My mother opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, Carlisle spoke up.

"Edward… What I said all those years ago…. I never meant any of that. Maybe I did for a minute.. a second… but you're my son, Edward. Of course I love you. I love you like only a father can love his child and I know you've always felt insecure because I'm not your biological father, but Edward, it never, for a second, made a difference to me."

"I felt like it did. And I overreacted, I know that, but every time someone had to tell me they couldn't go to a piano recital or whatever else, I felt like it made a difference to you. And it's what lead up to all this. To me feeling like I need to prove myself and… god, I made so many mistakes."

"Honey, if we made you feel that way… I'm…"

"It wasn't you. I see that now. It was me always putting this pressure on myself because I felt like I didn't deserve you. If not even my own mother could love me… How could…"

I broke off there. The silence that followed seemed to swallow everything around me.

"My boy," Carlisle whispered, before he walked over to hug me. "Look at yourself. How could anyone not love you? We love you. So much. Of course we tried to find you, silly boy. Your mother has a whole booklet made of articles about you. She cut out even the tiniest picture. But we didn't think you wanted to be found after you told us never to contact you again."

"What?"

I stared at him in confusion completely bewildered.

"Sweetie, we came looking for you about three months after the whole thing. Victoria told us you didn't want to see us. She wouldn't even let us into the house."

"I never… I didn't know. She… I never said that."

I felt the rage build in my stomach at the knowledge that she'd sent them away when all I wanted was to have them there.

After several seconds of silence I asked, "Do you know… Dad, do you know a good lawyer? I don't really need anything fancy. Just someone to draw up the divorce papers. The pre-nup… I'm sure it's pretty water-proof. I won't have… anything, but… Can you… Can Bella and I live here for a while? Till we're back on our feet?"

My mother's eyes filled with tears again and my father answered, "Of course, son. However long you want to be here, you're welcome to stay."

I jumped softly when my mother squealed and clapped in her hands excitedly saying, "I can't wait to have a little baby in the house again. I'm so proud of you. And it's gonna be such a beautiful little baby as well. And smart."

I smiled softly while my mother went on. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my father smile, mimicking a gun with his head and shooting himself in the head whilst rolling his eyes.

I chuckled softly while he kissed Esme on the head and told her to calm down. I leaned back on the couch, closed my eyes, and breathed in the smell of finally being home.

After a few more hours that felt like minutes, of mindless chatter and the attempt to catch up somewhat, I felt my eyelids start to get heavier and heavier. During a break in conversation, I got up with a sigh, longing to fall asleep with Bella in my arms again. Longing to sleep with the knowledge that we were safe, together and happy.

"I'm gonna go… crash for a bit. I also need to… We haven't really talked about anything yet. I was being a complete… douche when she told me and I need to make it up to her but I'm… I'm so happy I'm back."

My mother smiled at me, squeezed my hand and said, "I have no way to describe how happy I am we got you back, sweetheart. You make it up to that girl. She's a special one. Don't let her go."

"I'm not planning on it," I whispered and made my way upstairs.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks so much for every review and fav and everything.


	29. Chapter 29

**_Disclaimer:_** I own nothing Stephenie Meyer or Twilight related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

EPOV

The sight that greeted me when I opened the door made my heart swell and my face break out into a huge smile. Bella was lying on her stomach in the middle of the huge bed, blankets at the bottom of it, while her arms were above her head. Her whole body was twisted in an adorable way. She was wearing one of my old football shirts with simple cotton panties underneath. The shirt had ridden up and exposed some of her lower back.

I stood there, leaning against the door frame, smiling at the woman I loved and looked up to more than anyone else. After a few minutes of just watching her mutter to herself in her sleep, or scrunching up her nose, I felt the exhaustion from downstairs slowly wash over me again making it hard to even keep standing.

I got rid of my trousers and shirt, leaving me only in my boxers, and was just about to lay down beside her, not caring that more than half of the bed was used up by my pregnant girlfriend, when a thought occurred to me, that wouldn't let me go and had me gnawing on my lower lip nervously.

After a few more seconds of silent worrying I jumped up and hurried downstairs, finding my parents still on the couch, deep in discussion.

"Dad…" I interrupted them breathlessly and waited till he looked up. "Can she… I mean… Is she allowed to lay on her stomach? I'm just… I'm worried because… you know… what if she can't and I let her just… yeah."

I thought I heard Esme snort, but wasn't sure since it was drowned out by my father's chuckling.

"Yes, Edward. Don't worry, she's still allowed to lay on her stomach."

"Okay… awesome… I should really get one of those baby books. To be prepared and all."

"Yes, son. You probably should."

"Okay… Thanks… Night, then."

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

When I was little I used to have this dream a lot. Being caught in a huge, suffocating room that looked like a chess board, feeling totally helpless and screaming for my dad. I could feel the ground shaking and moving, and the walls closing in on me. The chess pieces were moving around, knocking me down.

I'd tell my dad about the dream every time, and he'd say the same thing every time, "You know, little Bells, you come to me every time you have that bad dream. And I'll be here each time to chase it away. It's my duty as your daddy. And the only one that could take that duty away from me, was the prince that has conquered my little princess' heart."

I sat upright in the huge bed in Edward's old room, looking at my prince snoring the day away. It was already 1pm, the both of us having slept in late. I couldn't deny I was still pissed at him. I was happy he had gotten his shit together. Happy for him for having his family welcome him with open arms. But I was still miffed about how he had reacted about the baby in the first place.

I slowly tried to shake him awake with my foot, only making him grumble in his sleep and turn over. I tried the same thing a few more times with no result whatsoever. I kicked him one last time, accidentally hitting him on the shin, making him jump and curse while sitting up, leaning on his elbow.

"Sorry?" I said through a giggle.

"Did you… Ouch," he said, falling back down onto the bed.

"I'm sorry," I said, while crawling back over and sitting down cross-legged beside his head.

"Mhmmm. Good morning."

He kissed my knee softly, making me shudder.

"I… I wanted to talk. I'm still kind of pissed at you, you know?"

He slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eye with his thumbs.

"Bella, can I try… to explain? Angel, you have every right to be pissed at me. I wouldn't even be mad if you'd kicked my balls just now to be perfectly honest," he muttered making me snort. "I need to apologize for more than this. For my behaviour in general. Ever since you stumbled into my life, in my head everything revolved around you… I mean, all I could think about was our future together and how I could get us there without hurting you. Without making you suffer. What I failed to realize is, and please don't take this the wrong way, but it wasn't all about you. I didn't need to save you. You are such a strong person. You don't need saving from anyone. All I needed to do was save myself and not give up on us, but I failed to even do that. You were the one saving me from myself really. Bringing me back here. I'm sorry I underestimated you and I'm sorry I was too much of a selfish prick to hear what you were telling me all along."

I looked at him and saw that this time, he was the one playing nervously with my fingers. Biting his lip. Looking down.

"About the baby, I… I was shocked. Terrified. I mean I guess there's no other excuse than saying I was a man scared shitless."

I snorted and punched his shoulder, making him fall on his back.

"You're quite the violent one today, aren't you?"

"Mhmm. I guess the pregnancy's bringing out the fierce in me. You looking forward to me in labor already?" I asked, kissing his nose.

I broke down laughing at his terrified look, and nearly peed my pants when he suddenly pounced on me and started tickling me. I started thrashing around wildly and screaming for him to stop, which he only did when I accidentally kneed him in the balls.

"Well, here you go," I said breathlessly. "You got your kick in the balls."

I squealed when he suddenly moved closer but he only took the hem of my shirt, smiled at me and slowly pulled it up, exposing my stomach. He slowly kissed the spot right above my navel, making me breath in harshly, before whispering, "Hey little one. This is your daddy. I just wanted to tell you, you'll probably be your mine and your mommy's only child, since your mother's knee might have rendered me impotent just now. I love you. Talk to you later."

When he was done kissing my stomach a few more times, he looked up and stared into my eyes, smiling slightly. With slow caution he leaned down and finally, after what felt like years brushed his lips against mine.

Feeling his tongue run over my lips, slowly making its way inside my mouth, finding my own, I finally felt like I could breathe again. We kissed for minutes on end. My hands in his hair. His on my cheek, in my hair, on my hips. Constantly moving. Constantly appreciating.

We had to break off often in between. I was a lot more breathless nowadays than I was before.

After things got a little heated, Edward slowly calmed us down by breaking our kiss but putting little butterfly kisses all over my face for a while, making me giggle again.

He rolled off me, laying back down on his back, crossing his feet at his ankles and his hands behind his head. I crawled over and laid down on his chest, kissing the underside of his chin and whispered, "That was cute."

"It was, wasn't it?" He answered, making me smack him upside the head again.

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><p>I was wearing sweat pants and Edward's old t-shirt while he was on the hunt for something to wear that still fit him. Edward's second tickle-attack of the day was interrupted by my stomach suddenly flipping and me nearly throwing up on him. I pushed him away just in time for me to rush to the bathroom and throw up the contents of my empty stomach.<p>

After he was done fussing over me, and interrogating me on why there wasn't anything to be thrown up in the first place, I convinced him to get dressed while I prepare breakfast for him.

On the way downstairs, I'd met Esme who had reminded me that there were crackers somewhere in a cupboard in the kitchen. That's what I was searching for, standing on my tiptoes, when Carlisle entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, young lady. What are you looking for?"

"Crackers," I grimaced.

"Oh my, I remember that part," he opened the last cupboard I hadn't looked through yet and handed me a pack of crackers. "Here you go."

"Thanks," I smiled at him gratefully and sat down at the kitchen table to start munching away.

"So," he sat down opposite me. "What's bothering you?"

"Sorry?"

"Something's bothering you. You wanna talk about it?"

"It's… it's stupid," I blushed.

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you."

"I'm… I used to have this dream as a kid, a really random one actually. It's just that my dad always… I don't know calmed me down and I just miss him right now."

"Your dad was Charles Swan, right? I… We heard about it on the news. I'm so sorry about what happened, Bella," he said and took my shaking hand in his.

"I'm just… I'm glad at least something good has come out of this," I smiled and laid my hand on my still flat stomach.

"I'm actually surprised you and Edward hadn't met before."

"How?" I asked, confused.

"Well, your father basically took care of all of Richard's firm's finances. I heard he lost a lot of money though and that's what… angered some people. I'm really sorry, sweetie."

"What? I didn't know… Edward, he… What? Do the Denali's have something to do with their death? Was I hired to be... Did he hire me to look after me? So I woudn't start snooping? What..." I asked, more myself than anyone else. My breathing started picking up and my vision swayed a bit. Words, spoken by Victoria, that I'd heard so long ago but that didn't make sense back then suddenly came to the forefront of my mind again. _"I don't understand why you made me have her in the first place."_

"Edward knew about my dad losing the Denali's money?" I asked once again, needing clearance.

Carlisle looked worried as he answered, "Honey, I don't know what kind of part Edward played in the firm but that wasn't exactly a secret."

"Dad...," I heard someone whisper from behind me and turned around, staring at Edward standing in the door frame. I felt dread wash through me at the look on his face. It was a mixture of guilt and shock, making me shake to the bone.

"Bella, I didn't…"

"You knew all along," I whispered, feeling nauseous.


	30. Chapter 30

**_Disclaimer:_** I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

_I felt dread wash through me at the look on his face. It was a mixture of guilt and shock, making me shake to the bone._

"_Bella, I didn't…"_

"_You knew all along," I whispered, feeling nauseous._

* * *

><p>"I have to… get out of here," I said, walking towards the entrance to the kitchen, where Edward stood.<p>

"Bella, listen to me, it wasn't like that."

I felt the blood rush in my ears and I was unable to feel anything but the feeling of betrayal slowly seeping into my veins.

"Edward, please let me go," I said trying to get past him.

"Bella," he gripped my arm, not wanting to let me pass.

I looked at the floor, avoiding any eye contact but guessing from his grip, he was desperate for me to stay where I was.

"Please, Edward," I said, tears that I refused to let fall slowly filling my eyes.

"Edward," Carlisle said, gripping his shoulder. "Let her go or you'll hurt her."

He let go of my arm as if it was on fire and I stumbled out of the room, up the stairs. Desperate to make sense of what just happened to the good morning I'd had a few seconds ago.

* * *

><p>It was four hours later. After I had screamed at Edward to leave me the fuck alone. After Esme made Edward give up the begging. After he had snuck up again and begged me to eat at least something. After I'd opened the door, hit him with a shoe, picked up the pancakes and locked the door again.<p>

I was still sitting in the room, my whole body filled with tension, slight nausea and hurt. I was more angry than anything though.

I didn't really know how to make sense of it all. In a way, I wanted answers but I was scared. I didn't know how involved he was in my parents' death. I didn't know if he was involved at all, but one thing I did know was that I knew Edward, and I knew he didn't intend to hurt me; that was clear.

I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling above me, the conflicting emotions making my belly rumble in a way that made me nauseous. I was flinging the bottle of water up above my head and caught it again.

After a while, I couldn't take it any more. I listened for voices or any kind of noise really, and when I heard none, I slowly made my way downstairs. I wasn't ready for a confrontation with Edward yet. I really just wanted to get out of the room. Maybe talk to Esme or Carlisle.

Before I even reached the last step, I smelled the food. Normally, I liked the smell of fried chicken, but in this second I cursed it. I could feel my stomach being fed up with it all and protesting by deciding to get rid of the breakfast I'd had in my room.

I sprinted towards the bathroom and made it just in time. I heard a door fall close somewhere in the house the second my stomach decided to rid itself of all the unnecessary baggage.

A few seconds later, I knew which door it was that had been shut when the bathroom door opened and an unfamiliar voice screamed out, "MOM? There's a stranger puking in our bathroom!"

* * *

><p>I stood in front of the sink, splashing water on my face and willing all the blood in my body to finally leave my damn cheeks. I didn't know why I always had to introduce myself to people in an embarrassing way.<p>

After I'd gotten my bearings, I slowly walked towards the kitchen where the voices were, one hand pressed over my protesting stomach, silently begging it to stay put for now.

"Bella! Sweetie, I'm sorry, I put the chicken away for now. I didn't know you were sensitive towards that," she said, looking apologetic.

"I didn't know either," I smiled. "It's really no big deal."

I slowly faced the woman sitting opposite Esme with her back to me. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail. She slowly sipped on her tea, her manicured fingernails holding the cup to her lips. She smiled at me the minute she saw me come into her view and stuck her hand out to me saying, "So you're the one that finally got my brother moving with a swift kick to the balls, huh?"

I snorted embarrassingly loud before saying, "You could… say that I guess."

"Rosalie," she introduced herself and smiled at me. She looked beautiful when she smiled, her whole face lightning up.

"Bella."

"Well, sit down, Bella. Have some tea. Tea solves everything in this household," she said making me laugh softly.

She got up to get another cup before she poured one for me, her fingernails obviously getting in the way of how she handled everything.

"God, I hate these things. They make you wear that shit at the firm I'm having my internship. Something about representing the company. Well, fuck them. I don't wanna represent the company, I wanna get some cases won."

"Rosalie," Esme scolded softly, while smiling at me.

"You're a lawyer, right?"

She raised an eyebrow, silently asking me how I knew.

"I… Well… I kinda looked everyone up before I… came here."

"Good girl," she said, patting me on my back softly. "Never go anywhere unprepared. As soon as that baby's here, you'll know what I'm talking about even more. So, where's that brother of mine? I missed that idiot. A lot. But first, he needs a kick in the ass with these damn heels they're making me wear. At least they're good for something, I guess."

I looked at Esme questioningly, and she smiled at me softly, saying, "I sent him out with his father. He wasn't… I couldn't deal with him pacing up and down all the time. He was driving me crazy."

I smiled softly, feeling kind of relieved that he wasn't around right now.

"What did he do now?"

Awkward silence suddenly filled the room and I didn't really know what to say.

"He…" I said breaking off in the middle of the sentence.

"Bella," Esme said taking my hand. "He told me what happened and it's not like you think. He had nothing to do with it."

"I kind of knew that," I whispered. "Well I guessed it. I know he wouldn't… It just… It still hurts. That he didn't tell me."

"He said he only found out recently. But I understand you, Bella. I really do. You have every right to feel hurt and betrayed but give him a chance to explain."

"Yeah, of course I will. I just prefer to do it when I don't feel like strangling him," I said, smiling softly.

"I like her."

Esme laughed and took a deep breath before asking, "So where's Rylan?"

"He's with his dad today. Emmett is gonna pick him up later and bring him over here. Thanks for… calling. He's really excited to meet him and I…" She tried to wipe the tears out of the corner of her eye but stabbed her eye with her nails instead and cursed. "Fucking shit. What I wanted to say was… I'm really excited to get my brother back too. Thank you, Bella."

"I'm… I didn't really…" I broke off there, not knowing what to say. "You have a son?"

"Yeah," she smiled softly. "He's three now. He wasn't really… planned, you know, but we dealt… His father and I, we broke up, but we're pretty good friends and now I'm back at school and have Emmett, and everything's running really well right now."

"That's awesome," I smiled. "I can't wait to meet him."

* * *

><p>After an hour of talking with Esme and Rosalie about everything and anything, including the joys of pregnancy and motherhood, I wandered off alone to check out the house a bit. When I walked into the very last room, right at the top of the stairs, I found a library, rivalling the one at Victoria's house.<p>

I slowly walked in and sat down in one of the plush chairs, breathing in the smell of old books I had missed so much.

I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I felt was Edward softly touching my cheek whispering, "Bella."

"Hey."

"You scared me to death. I thought you were gone. Mom didn't even know where you went."

"Sorry, I was just… getting acquainted with the house," I smiled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Bella, listen, I didn't know. I found out a few weeks ago and I'm sorry I didn't tell you but at first, I didn't know how to, and I was scared you'd run… And then everything happened at once, and I was constantly trying to find a way out of it and I was thinking about blackmailing them, but… I didn't wanna use your parents like that."

"No… I don't… Let's just think about the consequences of this another time, okay? And let's figure out how I'm feeling. And right now, I'm still feeling kind of pissed and hurt you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? You have no idea…"

I slapped him across the back of his head, following a sudden urge. He broke off his sentence, completely dumbfounded and looked at me as if I was crazy.

I slapped my hand across my mouth to keep from bursting out laughing but there was no use. Before I knew it he grabbed my waist and slid me towards him, making me land on top of him softly on the floor.

"Did you just hit me?"

"I'm sorry," I giggled. "Or not."

He just leaned up and caught my mouth with his. Before we knew it, things got heated and I lifted my shirt while he fumbled to get my bra off.

"I missed you," he whispered against my breast, making me moan softly.

"Make-up sex. First one. Can't wait," he mumbled while still sucking and biting gently on my breasts.

"Edward. Sensitive," I panted slowly rocking into his erection making him grown.

He gently let go of my breasts, only to massage his way down and tugging on my sweat pants, silently asking me to get up so he could take them off for me. I tried to rid him of his shirt while at the same time standing up.

As soon as I got it off, I worked on kissing my way down his neck, chest, softly nipping at his nipples shorty, and down his stomach towards the promised land.

He took my hand in his hand, gripping it, while I tugged his boxershorts down with my teeth, making him groan and gasp at the same time.

By the time I was done kissing my way upwards again, he tugged on my hair frantically and crashed our mouths together, biting and nipping on my bottom lip and tongue.

He slowly hoisted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist and walked forward with me until we crashed into the shelves, sending some of the books flying.

I giggled into his mouth the same time he whispered, "Fuck. Sorry. I have to be gentle."

He slowly slipped his hand between our bodies, finding my clit with his thumb while at the same time, entering me with two of his fingers, making me throw my head back, moan loudly and buck my hips up into him.

"Fuck," he whispered, before removing his hand and tangling it in my hair again, his mouth finding mine.

He hoisted me up a little higher and finally slid into me, knocking all breath out of me.

"Edward," I whined, while he panted against my neck, not moving.

After one final kiss and a silent, mouthed "I love you", he started moving, making me go insane with pleasure. I felt like everything was better than before. I was hyper aware of everything happening, his hands on my hips, his hips slamming into mine. His pants. His groans.

Before too long, I felt the coil in my stomach tighten. More. And more. With every thrust. Every moan.

I grabbed higher, holding onto the shelf above me while trying to match the rhythm of my hips to his. I was desperate for it to happen when he whispered, "Bella, please."

I clenched around him, desperately grabbing onto the shelf above me while my mouth opened in a silent scream. I could feel him releasing inside of me, panting into my neck, leaving butterflies kisses every once in a while.

"Hooray to make-up sex," I whispered and he burst out laughing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews. I read every single one and smile like a lunatic. Thank you.


	31. Chapter 31

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 31<strong>

Watching Edward with Rylan was something that made me smile like hardly anything else in this world. Rylan was currently thrown over his shoulder and Edward was running through the living room with him, while making airplane noises. Rylan was giggling the day away, his little arms imitating the wings of an airplane.

Edward and Rylan's relationship was love at first sight. I was just preparing tea for when Rylan, Rosalie and her boyfriend of two years, Emmett were coming over when I heard the door open and a little voice babble. I slowly took the tray, careful not to spill anything and walked into the living room where Esme was already setting up the cake.

As soon as I got a good look at him I felt like crying. He looked adorable in his little jeans, jacket and cap, trying to shrug out of the jacket constantly babbling something like, "Do it myself."

He had brown short hair but his face looked just like Rosalie. From the eyes, to the nose to the lips he looked like his mother.

When he was done shrugging out of his jacket and gave it to Rosalie to hang it on the wall, he took her hand and walked farther into the room, the both of them being followed by a huge, handsome man who, I assumed to be Emmett, saying, "I can't not wait to meets uncle Erdadt and his Emmy."

Rosalie greeted me with a wave and leaned down a bit whispering, "Her name is not Emmy or Emmett, it's Bella. And she's standing right over there, waiting to be greeted by you, my little gentleman."

"C'mon buddy, don't keep the girl waiting", Emmett said and gave him a little push in my direction.

Rylan slowly walked over, stuck out his hand and said, "Nice to meet cha Emmy."

"Rylan, her name is Bella", Emmett said while walking over and introducing himself.

"But mama said she was like you?" he whispered looking confused.

Rosalie walked over, ruffling Rylan's hair on the way and hugged me softly, saying, "I explained to him that you're to Edward something like Emmett is to me and it got him confused."

I laughed at that and scrouched down, taking little Rylan's hand again and saying, "Hello Rylan. I'm Bella but you can call me whatever you want."

He was just about to answer but was interrupted by Edward pounding down the stairs, screaming, "Bella, where the fuck is the present we got him yesterday I can't…"

He halted abruptly when he saw me and little Rylan, who was currently staring at him before slowly looking at his mother. Rosalie gave him a short nod and next thing I knew, Rylan stomped his foot and said, "Uncle Erdadt where have you been I have been waiting for ages."

He stopped for a few seconds before he added, "And you cursesed" and everyone burst out laughing.

Back in the present Rylan was apparently slowly getting sick of the game because after a few more rounds around the living room I could see him go a little pale and swallow repeatedly, while his grin slowly faded.

"Edward… maybe you should stop he looks a little green", I laughed.

"Oh yeah let him rest a bit, Edward, "Rosalie said, while Edward slowly sat down next to me, setting Rylan on his lap. "He loves that game. Emmett once played with him and he full on puked over his shoulder. "

"Yeah. Wasn't the first time either. He pukes a lot, that one."

"Babies puke, Emmett", Rosalie said while rolling her eyes at him.

"Yeah, something to look forward to, Edward. You'll be covered in puke, poop and pee till they're like, 18 or something. I only met this little man here when he was already a few months old but, man, did he puke, poop and pee a lot."

Edward slowly leaned down and whispered in little Rylan's ear "I'm sure it wasn't that bad right?" making Esme and Rosalie smile.

"You have no idea, my son", Esme said, while I wrinkled my nose at the thought.

* * *

><p>"So she's still in New York?" I asked, while squeezing his hand.<p>

We were currently strolling through the mall, hand in hand, just looking at stuff we wouldn't be able to afford anyway.

"Yeah, well… She has a job or something in New York but… I heard Mom talk to her on the phone and I think she's just really mad at me."

He looked a little sad as he talked about his sister Alice. I knew he missed her. And I knew he had had an even better relationship with her than with Rosalie. So I understood her. I understood how she would be hurt by his actions. But I also knew that she'd get over it so I tried to think of a way to cheer him up.

"Can't really fault her to be honest", I laughed and pinched him in the rib while quickening my step.

He squealed a little because of my pinch but recovered quickly and caught me around my waist, laughing and softly kissing my cheek from behind.

We continued to just stand there, like idiots, in the middle of the crowd, for a few more moments while I closed my eyes and for just a second let myself go and believe everything was perfect. For just a second I wanted to pretend everything was right in this world. His hand was over my belly, rubbing softly while I thought about how everything should've been. Us, married, living in a house together, ready for whatever life threw at us.

Right now, we were anything but ready. We were unemployed. We had what little money I had saved. We lived with his parents until we could afford buying decent furniture to move into my parents' house. He was still married to Victoria, working on the divorce papers with a lawyer his father paid for.

I looked up into his face and saw his little worry crease between his eyebrows, that got more pronounced day after day.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

His answer was immediate.

"I'm worried and scared shitless but yes. I'm happy. Very."

"You know what would make me even happier, daddy?"

He smiled down at me, his hands tightening softly around my waist, his eyes sparkling.

"What?"

"We enter that store over there. And we look at stuff."

"Let's go", he said taking my hand and tugging me along.

Upon entering the baby store I couldn't help the huge smile that spread over my lips, excitement bubbling up inside my whole body.

"I'm so gonna get some stuff", I said and walked over to the clothes section of the store.

"We don't even know the sex yet", Edward laughed pinching my butt.

I slapped his hand away and grabbed for everything in sight, took a look at it and laid it back down. Meanwhile Edward just stood there, his arms crossed, laughing silently.

"You don't wanna look?" I asked while staring at a yellow onesie with a cute duck family on it.

"Not until we know the sex?"

"Why?" I said, sounding a bit whiny.

"Because I wouldn't want my son to wear…. this", he said, waving his hand toward the duck family.

I stood there, my mouth slightly agape, staring at him feeling a little hurt even. He wore a hard expression on his face, never wavering even when my face morphed from shocked to disbelieving.

"Are you being serious right now? Seriously if you don't like my taste you can just…"

His face suddenly broke into a smile and he started laughing into my face, leaning in closer. I cluthed the yellow duck-family-onesie tighter in my hand and pushed it right into his face, rubbing it in before I walked away, towards the strollers.

After a few seconds, he caught me around my waist and tugged me back against him, whispering in my ear, "We're so getting that damn duck family."

"We so are", I whispered back, turned my head and pressed my lips to his. I slowly turned my body until it was pressed against his, his hands slowly finding their way onto my butt making me giggle.

I swapped his hands away and slowly began to break the kiss when he started kneading.

"We're in public", I whispered against his lips.

"Mhmmm. Don't care."

I pecked him one last time and walked towards the cash register, the yellow duck-onesie still in hand, smiling like a fool. After a few seconds he caught up to me, smiling right along with me.

Shortly before it was our turn and the girl at the cash register rang up our yellow duck-family onesie I saw Edward pale beside me and turn towards me with a somber expression on his face.

"Bella I…. We don't have… I mean I have, god this is so embarassing I'm a grown-up fucking man… I have my dad's credit card here but… I mean… I'd like to afford most of the babies stuff myself. My dad and I we're working on something… well trying to figure shit out right now and… I planned to talk to you about that. We have a few plans and he's helping me and I'm eternally grateful for their help but… I feel so emasculated if I need my parents to buy my kid's clothes and furniture…"

I stood there, dumbfounded and didn't really know how to answer that other than with, "Rosalie… she still has Rylan's furniture so she said she could give that to us. I planned to talk to you about that she says it works for both genders."

"That's… beside the point", he muttered, his hand tugging on his hair.

"Okay. I have a little money saved. I can buy this…"

"I don't want you to have to buy that with your money. _I_ should be the one buying this for you. You should be the one keeping our baby fed and happy and all that stuff."

"It's not even really my money. It's our money. And I want to buy a onesie for our child. So am I allowed to buy our child its first piece of clothing, a piece of clothing I have, you could call it an emotional attachment to? I mean that over there was pretty cute and that kiss was pretty good so I'd like to keep this. Or do you really want to drag your pregnant girlfriend out of this store, without one of those adorable shopping bags, and without our child's first piece of clothing that, as I said, we both, I'm guessing, are already rather fond of?"

He looked rather dumbfounded but recovered quickly when the girl behind the cash register caught our attention.

"Duck it, we're gonna buy this", was his answer to my speech resulting in him having to drag his girlfriend out of the store, tears of laughter in her eyes and one of those adorable shopping bags in her hand.

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><p><strong>AN:** A little fluff for those two. This was unbeta'd. Sorry. Hope you still liked it.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 32<strong>

**EPOV**

„So we just have to find a way to do this."

"Dad, I don't know if this… I mean it's such a long shot. I should just send out a tons of applications."

His somewhat cold laugh made me look up. His eyes looked at me with a mixture of love and pity and he said, "And you think Richard didn't make sure you're not gonna be taken anywhere? Anyway Jasper went through your contract and it says you can't apply at any competing firms for the next 10 years."

Jasper was my lawyer. Even though I knew there was nothing to be done really about me losing everything, Jasper still wanted to know everything, go through everything and think about everything before we were going to meet up with Victoria tomorrow to finalize everything and hopefully sign the divorce papers.

"I didn't know…", I whispered.

"I figured", he smiled and walked around his office table, to pat me on the shoulder. "Edward, I know you. Even though you've been gone for a while. I know you. The real you that likes to figure things out for himself. The real you fights for the things worth fighting for and doesn't settle with anything less."

I smiled and whispered, "I just don't know how we could possibly manage something like that. This is not about me anymore. This is about Bella and a baby and my family and I don't wanna burden them more than I already do. I don't wanna burden you more."

"You could never be a burden, Edward." he said softly.

"Yeah. You're my father. Of course you say that but I feel like a huge burden. I feel like someone that's not even able to buy clothes for his child. Afford a home for his own family", I said.

"Son, you've been to school before. You've been in law and just changed your major along the way but I don't think you'd have to take all those early classes again. Go there. Get some information on how this would work out and then we'll talk some more. Your mother and I are more than welcome to help you guys out until you can do so yourself."

I looked up, propping my head up on my hands, my elbows resting on my knees.

"Do you think your sister walked out of this house at 18 and we never invested a dime in her again? Or do you think when Rosalie came home pregnant we told her there was no money left for her in our pockets because she'd used it all up when she was younger? Hell, we still help Alice pay her rent in New York. This has nothing to do with pride, Edward. This is a family. We help each other. And you're our child. We can't not help you. That's physically impossible. You'll understand when your little one is here. That bond… the need to always be here for them…"

I smiled a little, thinking about our baby. Our future wasn't all grey. There were two brightly shining white spots. One being Bella and one our baby.

We chatted for a few more minutes before I got up to pick up Bella and we'd be on our way to our first doctor's appointment.

"Dad.. Thanks. For everything", I said and went to hug him.

"I'm going to get your ass into that school Edward. Even if it's the last thing I do. You deserve some happiness and if you think being a lawyer will fulfill you, then so be it", he laughed and pushed me out the door.

* * *

><p>I laid a hand over her leg that kept jumping up and down. She slowly looked over to me, glaring and growling, "I have my first doctor's appointment. I'm allowed to be nervous okay?"<p>

"Of course you are", I mumbled and took my hand away from her leg, scared she'd bite it off or something.

We stayed in an uncomfortable silence for a few more minutes, the only sounds the ones of the doctor's office Rosalie had recommended around us, till she slowly scooted closer to me, taking my whole arm and laying it around her waist.

"I'm sorry", she whispered and tugged on my fingers.

I stayed still for a few more seconds, being an ass and making her squirm a bit.

"I'm sorry", she said again her tone sounding whiny and her shoulder bumping into mine.

I tugged her closer, nearly making her sit on my lap and whispered in her ear, "It's okay, preggo. Why are you so nervous?"

"I have a bad conscience", she whispered in my ear adorably, making me squeeze her. "because we've known for about two weeks now and we haven't been to a doctor yet. What if something's wrong now?"

"Angel, the first week was batshit crazy and maybe we should've gone a little sooner but so what? We needed some time to relax. I'm sure it's no big deal."

"Okay, Dr. Cullen."

"Okay, baby mama."

She giggled softly and we sat in silence for the next few minutes until her name was called. The way they said "Ms. Swan" bugged the shit out of me but there was nothing I could do about that for now so I just smiled, tugged her up on her hand and lead her into the exam room 3.

"If you would just put this on, sweets and then hop up on that exam table so we can get started?"

I could see Bella's hands shaking a bit as she closed the curtain around the bed to get changed.

I sat down at the empty chair in the room in the meantime, watching the nurse prepare everything that was needed. She looked like a nice, elderly lady that had wrinkles around her eyes from all the smiling she did.

She weighed and measured Bella in every possible way, took her blood, check her blood pressure and handed her all kinds of folders full of information we'd definitely need.

After she was done and was about to leave the room, Bella blurted out why she was a shaking mess like that and the nurse reassured her that she was not hurting our baby in having waited so long and everything should be fine. And then we were alone again, waiting for the doctor.

"This is a woman right?" I asked, kind of uneasy.

"Yeah. And even if it weren't it'd be just his job", she said tugging at the edge of her hospital gown.

"You still nervous?" I asked, walking over and taking her into my arms, letting my head rest on her chin.

"Mhmmm."

"Let's make out?"

She laughed softly and then tugged me down by my shirt. A few minutes later the doctor appeared, forcing us to break apart.

The doctor was really professional, really nice and really young. She assured me that she'd gone all the way through medical school and that she shared this praxis with 2 other doctors. When I asked how old those two were, I got a slap across the back of my head from Bella.

All she really did was ask a shitload of question until it was finally time to do that ultrasound to find out the due date.

I took Bella's hand in mine and kissed it repeatedly while the doctor apparently tried to find the baby. It was too soon to hear the heartbeat, she'd said but we'd likely be able to see it on the screen.

And as we did I felt like something was trying burst out of my chest. Everything inside me coiled tightly and I held Bella's hand in a death grip. I could see her smile from the corner of my eye but all I really registered was the tiny bean like figure on the screen. I let out a choked up laugh and the doctor asked whether she should print a few out. Bella let out a loud "Hell yeah" making me laugh and a few of my tears spill over.

We walked out of the doctor's office that day, 7 weeks along, with a due date in early june.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

When we pulled up in front of the Cullen's house, his hand never letting go of mine, Edward was still babbling on about how creepy and amazing and sweet the ultrasound actually was. He was adorable. After we left the office, he sat in the car for probably ten minutes straight, just staring at the picture of our little peanut in total silence. As soon as he drove though, the babbling started and didn't stop till I saw something that made me squeal immediatly.

The old, beat up car in the driveway could only belong to one person and I smiled like a crazy person, with tears in my eyes, while I ran off towards the house. I heard Edward laugh softly behind me but all I heard as soon as I opened the front door was Jessica's voice in the kitchen, talking to Esme.

Jessica first gave a squeal, then cracked up along with everyone else when I screamed in her face, "Say hello to dis lil mama."

It was only when I hugged the shit out of her that I saw Tanya standing timidely behind her talking to Esme while still watching us.

"Hey, Tan", I smiled and walked around to hug her, while I heard Jessica molest Edward.

"Hey, Bella. Nice to see you again. I kind of missed you. Jessica's driving me crazy. You're bigger", she deadpanned, making me snort.

"I'm yeah... You see that? Edward?" I asked. "You said you couldn't see yet."

"He said that so you wouldn't feel fat", Jessica said while still having her arm around an uncomfortable looking Edward.

An uncomfortable silence ensued for a second before she laughed and said, "God I was kidding you can't see anything, woman. Tanya was probably just talking about this glowy shit you have going on."

"I do?" I asked baffled. "You hear that Tanya? I only have glowy shit going on."

"Yeah", Jessica continued while Edward finally yanked his arm free from her to walk over to me, sit down on a barstool and grab my waist move me between his legs.

"Thanks for inviting them", I whispered and kissed his chin.

"I thought you could need a little girl on girl time. I asked Rosalie and she was all for it."

We were snapped out of our little bubble when Jessica mentioned Edward's name, "So when are you planning on making an honest woman out of her, Edward?"

I could hear Esme snort and cover it up with a cough while I laughed and blushed a bit and Edward just looked startled.

Jessica didn't wait for an answer though, "I already got 4 bridal showers all planned out. You should see the stuff I bought. There's even this candy in the shape of..."

"Penises", Tanya burst out, blushing. "God, Jessica can you stop talking about those... for one second?"

* * *

><p>The next day I sat at the Cullen's kitchen table, playing some game with Rylan, Esme and Emmett while I waited for Edward, Carlisle and Edward's lawyer Jasper to come home. He'd been gone all day. When I had first asked him how long he thought this would take his only answer had been, "This is my first divorce. By my next I can tell you" earning himself a slap on the head.<p>

I'd spent all day being distracted by Emmett. We got home around 4pm, fully expecting Edward to be here by now but there was no sign of him anywhere. No text, no call, nothing. It was now 6pm and the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach spread and spread to the point of me feeling like I needed to throw up.

Another hour later, after Rylan had won his 4th game, we went into the living room to calm him down with some movie. He was snuggled into Emmett and his lips were moving along with the songs sang in the movie. I tried to excuse myself upstairs but Esme had none of that and tried to engage me in some quiet conversation in the kitchen.

At 7:30, Rylan was asleep in Emmett's arms, mumbling softly, the front door creaked open and I heard Jasper and Carlisle talking softly to each other.

I jumped up and made my way over, only to stop in my tracks when I saw Edward taking his shoes off, the excitement spreading in my belly.

"What's up? You a free bitch?" I asked, expecting a smile in return. My heart hammered inside my chest but the smile frooze on my face when I looked at him more closely.

"She refused to sign."

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><p><strong>AN:** I have to apologize for the wait. Real life is in the way and I have a little problem with writing. Thank you for all the reviews and alerts though. You continue to amaze me. I appreciate every single one.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 33<strong>

I sat at the big conference table, willing my hands to stop fidgeting, like Bella's always did when she was nervous. Jasper was eyeing me from my right side, motioning with his hands for me to calm down. He was adamant about me looking calm and collected. He said it was the only way we'd possibly get something out of this. To show no weakness.

In all honesty, of course I'd be happy to get something out of this. Some money. Something for me and Bella to start a new life together without having this huge worry about money. But I didn't really need any of it. I just wanted to be free from her. From them.

The chances of me getting even a cent were basically non-existent anyway. Not only had I signed a pre-nup but I had also cheated. And there was proof of my infidelity in the form of my child.

Jasper said the only way we could really get anything out of this is to prove she did the same. So he was going to taunt her and hope she'd crack.

The only thing I was hoping for was maybe her slipping up about Richard forcing her to hire Bella. I didn't know if she knew about her family having a hand in Bella's parents' death, but she could give us some clues.

I hadn't talked to Bella yet about what she wanted to do with her new knowledge. She said she wanted to focus on us. On the baby. And not on the past.

I talked to Jasper however and all he could really tell me was, that if all the evidence we had was me overhearing a conversation, we could just as well have nothing at all.

"Gentlemen," I heard and looked up, immediately recognizing Jenks, Richard's family lawyer. The one who'd already drawn up our pre-nup.

They were about two hours late, but I still shook his hand, and smiled a cordial smile towards him and Victoria as they sat down. She smiled at me warmly, tears in her eyes.

I didn't know what I expected to feel, but the guilt hit me like a freight train. Seeing the tears in her eyes, I knew it could be part of some scheme she had planned. To win me back or to get me to give up the fight.

But I also saw the face of a heartbroken girl. And even though I wanted to hate her for going after me in the first place. For keeping my parents away. For doing everything on this earth to tie me to her, all I felt was guilt at fucking her over the way I did.

"Can we begin?" Jenks asked and got out the papers that started the whole thing. "I have a pre-nup here, signed by both my client, Mrs. Cullen, and Mr. Cullen."

He handed it over to me and I saw my signature right beside Victoria's.

"Are there any further questions?" Jenks asked and Jasper immediately jumped, trying to play his charm in Victoria, trying to get her to say something, anything that would make this pre-nup void.

"Mrs. Cullen, Victoria," he said and winked at her. "I have a few questions if that's okay?"

"Yes, of course," she said and I could hear her voice crack softly.

"Excellent," he said and looked down at his papers shortly, before smiling at her. "Excuse me for asking so bluntly, but have you been sexually active in the last two years?"

"I don't think…" Her lawyer spoke up but was interrupted by Victoria herself.

"No," she whispered. "I was... he hasn't touched me in two years. It was right after... the doctor told me we couldn't have babies and I thought... I thought that was normal anyway. My friends said the no sex thing was normal after some time… I was naïve… I loved him though. I still do."

She looked up into my eyes and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I looked down and started fidgeting with my hands again.

"You didn't feel any resent towards your husband though? For not… desiring you anymore?"

"Well… maybe… He loved me before that girl appeared. And now she gave him the one thing I couldn't… I'm just so… mad he never even…" She broke her sentence off, looking at her hands folded on the table.

"So you never…" Jasper started but was interrupted by Jenks.

"We have a few questions for Mr. Cullen as well, so maybe we could…"

"No, I'm sorry, I'm not done here yet."

All this time, I'd been looking downwards, only occasionally sneaking glances at Victoria. While the two of them continued bickering back and forth I looked up once more and saw her look at me, with tears in her eyes.

"Edward, we can… I can ask a doctor. We can try some stuff out, but please…"

I felt my heart breaking a little for her, realizing once more that she was just as much a victim in all of this as I was. Even more so. I knew what I was getting myself into. I did it with the knowledge that I'd never love this woman, probably never even really like her. She didn't.

The only thing I didn't know was that I would break her heart in the most cruel way.

"Victoria, it's not… it was never about having a baby…"

"We can try though. Give me a chance. Please. I'll do… I love you. I don't understand why…"

She broke her sentence off and walked out of the room, her hand over her mouth, her eyes swimming in tears, shutting Jasper and Jenks right up. Jenks jumped up and walked after her, calling her name.

"What did you do?" Jasper asked while my father walked into the room, having seen Victoria storm out.

"I don't… This is so hard for her. She's a huge bitch but she was played as well. By both me and her father," I said whilst holding my head in my hands, my elbows on the table.

"Are you having… Are you having second thoughts, son?" My dad asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

"Fuck, no!" I practically screamed. "I just… it's just another instance of my past hitting me in the fucking face and… How could I turn into an asshole like that?"

"Everyone makes mistakes. Wrong decisions… they help you grow…" Jasper mentioned. "I've made my fair share of wrong decisions," he laughed.

"Well they didn't include fucking up two families."

"No," he said. "But look what it lead you to? Edward, one of the things I learned in this job is that everyone makes mistakes. Some are bigger, some are smaller. Some only hurt yourself, some hurt a whole bunch of people. What it comes down to though is, that most things in life happen for a reason. Maybe your kid's gonna be president one day. Maybe it's gonna save the world. Maybe you or Bella or your kids are supposed to do something spectacular in life. Or maybe you and Bella were just supposed to find your way to each other and this was the only way for this to happen. Yes, you hurt people. You hurt yourself and your family and Victoria's family. Yes Bella had to go through to get where she is but if you asked her if it was worth it, I bet she'd say yes. All I really know, is that the way you talk about your girl… it was worth every mistake you ever made."

* * *

><p>We sat around for another thirty minutes before Jenks came back into the room to inform us that Victoria had left. And that she wasn't gonna sign the papers. She wasn't agreeing with my decision to end this marriage. For her it wasn't over yet. So she was going to drag this out.<p>

The drive home was probably the most antagonizing drive I'd ever taken. I was trying to figure out what to tell Bella. How to tell her that I wouldn't be a free man for a while.

Jasper was talking strategies with my father, trying to figure out how to speed this whole process up and explaining to him how it all worked. It wasn't that I didn't want to do everything possible to speed things up. I was just caught in my own head. Feeling guilty for not being able to give my girl what she deserved.

Walking into the house, she came skipping towards me, looking so hopeful and happy.

"What's up? You a free bitch?" She asked with a smile on her face.

I looked at her and slowly saw the smile fade, being replaced by a scowl.

"She refused to sign," I said, as I reached out, to smooth the wrinkled skin between her eyebrows. I took her hand, and tugged her towards me, kissing the spot on her forehead I'd just touched seconds before.

"What does that mean for us now?" She asked, looking up at me; her big eyes staring right through me.

"She can drag the whole thing out, but don't you worry your pretty little head. We'll find something to make this go over faster. I'm Jasper Whitlock, by the way." Jasper introduced himself.

She introduced herself and exchanged some niceties with him, while tugging me forward with her hand and sitting me down on the couch. My mom and my dad were talking in the kitchen and from their hushed whispers, I figured he was telling her all about today.

I was staring off into space, still caught inside my own head, when I felt Bella move around me and straddling my lap.

"Where are you right now?" She asked. The smile on her face looked genuine and lifted some of the weight around my heart.

"I'm just so sorry…" I whispered, kissing the skin above her cleavage.

"For what?" She asked and when I didn't answer, she continued. "For the whole divorce shit? Edward, that's formalities. It's not like you love me any less for being technically married for a few more months or I love you any less for it. It doesn't matter to me. You're mine anyway now. Whether you want to or not."

"I am, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm knocked up. You can't get out now," she laughed as I poked her in the side.

"She really… she begged today. It made me feel like shit. I was such an asshole. To her and then to you as well in the beginning."

"You still are sometimes," she said but had to shut up when I covered her mouth with my hand, laughing.

"I'm just sorry," I continued. "That everyone had to be hurt along the way."

"Yeah… well, I understand. I really do. It sucks. There are days when I feel like a witch that stole her husband and I feel so immensely guilty for having you sleep with me every night, but do I regret it? No. Do you regret it? Or do you think your mom or dad do, when they see how happy you are right now?"

"No."

"Okay then," she said. "Then it's worth it. Some day, Victoria will understand that too, I believe."

* * *

><p>AN: Okay so I have a few things to adress here: First, I'm sorry for the wait of this chapter. Lately I've been feeling very unsatisfied with my chapters and it's rly influencing my mood to write. I hope I can get the next chapter out on time. If not I'm really sorry.

Secondly, there have been a few questions with the last cliffhanger and I hope they're answered with this chapter. No, Victoria cannot stop the divorce, she can just drag it out. Also I wanted to show a little different side to her with this chapter. I hope I succeeded in doing that.

Thirdly, thank you so much for every single review and alert. I smile at every single one and I read them all. Thank you for your support!


	34. Chapter 34

_**Disclaimer**_: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 34<strong>

I was standing in front of the only full length mirror in the house, moving from side to side, looking at my profile, just like I had done everyday. If you looked at me head-on you probably wouldn't detect it, but from the side it was definitely noticeable that someone had taken over my body. I was slowly rubbing lotion onto my belly when Esme came into the room, making me gasp and pull down my shirt a little.

I was blushing while she just stood there, leaning against the door jamb, nearly smirking and said, "I just needed to ask you what you wanted for breakfast?"

"Erm… the usual?" I said, making it sound like a question.

She nodded but made me move to leave, instead she walked closer, only to lift my shirt and smile softly while saying, "You, my dear, definitely popped."

"Yeah," I whispered. "I've been noticing for a while now but now it's like… Woah… Can't deny it anymore."

"Are you excited?"

"Yeah of course but also… it's so real now. The baby book even said I might be able to feel something already. I don't feel anything yet though."

"Yeah… I didn't feel anything till much later. My mom always said you notice sooner with the second pregnancy but I got lucky. I was pregnant once and still got three children."

She smiled at me while awkwardly patting my belly.

"Did Edward already see?"

"Nah, he's still asleep."

"Is he decent?"

"Yup."

"Well I better go wake that boy up. He has a hard day ahead of him," she mumbled on her way out, making me snort.

It was the day before Christmas Eve and Alice was supposed to arrive today. Carlisle was currently on his way to the airport picking her up. I was really excited to meet her, although everyone warned me that she was a force of nature. I was just happy she would focus on beating the shit out of Edward, before moving on to me.

When I was finally done staring at myself in the mirror I pushed down the shirt that now didn't really conceal anything and walked back towards our room, hearing Edward curse into the pillow while Esme was hitting him with the other pillow, telling him to get up.

"Okay," I said slowly taking the pillow from her. "I think I'll take over from here."

"Okay. Edward she's supposed to be here in half an hour I want you downstairs by then do you hear me?"

He grumbled something in return while I walked over and shut the door behind her.

"Wanna see something cool?" I asked.

"Wanna. Sleep."

"I popped." I said and turned so when he turned over, he'd see the belly in all its glory.

"You what?" he continued to grumble into the pillow.

"I popped."

"Bella, what are you…," he started, throwing himself onto his side so he could glance at me. "Oh."

"You like it?" I asked, my hand running over my belly. It still felt weird to actually feel something there.

He sleepily crawled onto his back, his head nearly hanging over the edge of the bed, till he could reach me and pull me closer with his arms. He then kissed my bump over and over again while whispering, "I love it. I adore it. That's so beautiful."

* * *

><p>"The baby can hear us now so you better watch that mouth, mom," Edward said. We were sitting at the kitchen counter, eating breakfast. His one hand was holding the baby book while the other hand waved his fork towards his mother. She was just hitting him with the dishcloth repeatedly, making him laugh, when the front door burst open and we heard someone stomp towards us.<p>

I could see Edward swallow, while he handed me his fork and said, "Hide it. She could use it."

I snorted but still took it and made a show out of hiding both our forks behind my back. Edward's smirk at me quickly turned into a mask of shock when he felt first a hand, then a bag hit him on the back of his head repeatedly.

"Ow, Alice are you insane what do you have in there, bricks?"

"No, asshole. I packed stones."

I could hear Carlisle snicker and turned in his direction.

"She really did. I had to stop along the way so that she could pick some out. She did so with great care as well."

I couldn't help but start find that a little amusing as well even though it was my man that was currently being beaten up by his small, fragile looking little sister.

"Are you crazy? You could really do some damage, little witch."

"Can't get worse than it already is, can it?"

That one made ME laugh but I tried to cover it up with a snort.

"You. Can. Only. Hope. Your. Kid. Has. Its. Mother's. Brains," she said and accentuated each word with another hit to various parts of his body.

"Stop, you little…," he turned around and jumped off the bar stool and lunged for her, wrapping both his arms around her tiny body. She squirmed and tried to get out of his power grip but was clearly fighting a losing battle. After a few seconds she stopped but instead just stood there, not trying to get away but also not trying to return his embrace.

He slowly leaned down towards her ear, which she tried to fight off by clocking him in the temple with her own head.

"Ow, Alice can you stop for a second?"

At first she grumbled something in return but then acquised and he leaned down only to whisper in her ear. They stayed like that for a while, him whispering to her while she listened intently. After a minute she started to loosen up though and I saw her eyes start to fill with tears.

"I hate you", she whispered back.

"I know but you see that girl over there?" he murmured, stroking her back all the time. "I can't regret it, Ali. I can't. She's what we all got out of this. She was worth it. I promise you, she was worth it. Trust me."

* * *

><p>The rest of Christmas passed peacefully and rather uneventfully. We spent most days together, as a family. Spending this time with his family, you could see Edward bloom before your eyes. He was happier, laughed more often and was even more affectionate than usually. Ever since he had discovered the bump, he couldn't keep his hands off it.<p>

I was constantly being touched in general. It seems like now, that there was visible proof of the little one, everyone had declared my body fair game. Alice and was nearly as bad as Edward, Rosalie and Esme a little more respectful since they went through this themselves I guess. Little Rylan was asking every day if today was the day and even Carlisle had patted my belly once or twice.

Edward and Alice's relationship continued to be as hilarious as the first few minutes had promised to be. They were constantly teasing each other, while at the same time they had a special understanding for the other.

Never once did I feel out of place or awkward. On Christmas Eve we were sitting in the living room, just talking with light music in the background, when I had a little of a breakdown. Last year this time I was with my parents, both of them smiling at me. Now they were gone and would never get to meet Edward. Never get to meet Edward.

During my little emotional breakdown Edward was there the whole time, rubbing my back, my belly not talking or telling me I was silly, just being there and consoling me. The whole family was very supportive and if I hadn't felt welcome before, I would definitely have then.

The dinner on Christmas was a quiet affair. Edward invited Jasper to come eat with us. It was because of us and the divorce that it made no sense for him to fly down to see his family, so we decided to invite him along for the festivities.

Jasper and Alice seemed to hit it off right away and it was the first time in the short time we've met that I saw Alice a little tongue-tied. Apparently he had asked Edward for Alice's number, which had made him grumble all night long till I found a way to shut him up.

Christmas morning, was filled with a few more tears from me and a lot more from Esme but mostly with smiles and laughter. We all had a great time, simply enjoying being together.

Little Rylan was having the time of his life unwrapping presents and screaming "Thank you, Santa" everytime he found a new toy he had wished for. It seemed like the unwrapping to him, was more exciting than the actual presents right now, so we all let him unwrap our presents as well.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry for how short this is. Hope you still liked it. Thanks for everything.


	35. Chapter 35

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 35<strong>

„So, what you're saying is, that just because we're having a girl everything, really everything, has to be pink?" I asked Alice who was standing in a store and desperately tried to convince me to choose the pink castle-crib.

"Edward agrees with me," she said, a fierce look in her eyes, one hand on her hip, one hand clutching the piece of paper in her hand.

Apparently, for it to be a proper baby shower, I'd need to see all the stuff before having it presented to me. All I really wanted, was the stuff that was absolutely necessary but both Esme and Alice were adamant on it being a proper baby shower even though I didn't really have any friends.

"Edward agrees with you because he's scared of your bag of bricks."

"God, it wasn't even bricks. The man can be such a wussy. I'm gonna give him bricks. He would've deserved bricks. You'd think he was used to pain after being married to that witch for years. Looking at her sense of fashion alone hurts in my opinion but he apparently doesn't really care about that, when it comes to women," she laughed ducking out of the way when I used my bag to hit her over the head.

Over the course of the last few weeks I had realized that Alice and Rosalie, even though they were twins and even though they had the greatest relationship, were still very, very different personalities. Where Rosalie was one to forgive and forget, Alice was one to talk it out. And by talk it out I mean she mentioned the fact that he screwed up often whenever in his presence. They both knew it was more out of jest than anything so it didn't really bother him but he still complained about it every night.

Alice still lived in New York but ever since she and Jasper had hit it off, she was here as often as she could manage. This weekend's excuse was shopping with me. For both, the baby and the belly, that had gotten increasingly harder to dress in the last few weeks. Since Edward and I had finally found out about the baby's sex at our last check up two days ago, she was free to shop and there was nothing holding her back.

"Alice we already have a crib anyway. Remember Rylan? The little thing running around the house from time to time? Your nephew? Yeah, he was a baby not too long ago and we can get his crib."

"But that's a boy's crib."

"It's a normal wooden crib. Wood. Unisex."

"I would argue that wood is not unisex at all."

I looked at her confusedly for a second before her innuedo even made sense to me.

"Oh my god, this is disgusting I don't wanna think about Jasper that way. Do you guys do anything apart from that, if that's all you think about? We're in a baby store."

"Oh don't go all little Miss Prissy on me some nights I can hear you through two walls and a hallway."

"The girl is super sensitive down there right now, Alice. Let her enjoy herself. In a few weeks it'll be all puke, tears and shit," Rose deadpanned walking towards us. "So why exactly are we standing around here like that?"

"She wants to put this on the list," I said, looking over at the godawful castle thing.

It took Rose merely an eyebrow to make Alice move along.

* * *

><p>We were sitting down, having lunch when Alice scooted closer to me, nearly whispering, "Bella, I didn't really know how or when to bring it up before but… Why did Victoria call and ask to speak to you today?"<p>

"She called again?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Who called?" Esme asked, sliding inside the booth beside me.

Alice glanced at me apologetically, while I bit my lip not really knowing how to explain why I hadn't told anyone yet.

"Victoria. She's been calling a lot lately. I don't know why I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to tell Jasper but then Alice has been hogging him and I didn't wanna worry Edward now that he started school again," I rambled.

"What does she want?" Esme asked.

"She just wants us to meet and talk. I don't know I feel like I owe it to her in a way but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm trying to tell her that every time but she just hangs up as soon as I say no."

"She is so weird. I mean I get that she wants some sort of closure but why not sign those damn papers and get it over with? Does she like to inflict pain on herself by seeing you all pregnant and glowing and stuff?" Alice rambled.

"You should talk to Jasper and Edward about this, Bella. This could influence the divorce, should it come to them fighting it out, which it probably will," Rosalie said.

"Yeah… I'm gonna do that. Soon." I whispered.

* * *

><p>Edward and I were walking down the Cullen's street on our way to the little, vacant shop I wanted to show him.<p>

"Keep an open mind about this okay? I really wanna do this."

Edward looked down at me a little confused, but tugged me closer towards him, whispered a little "Kay" and kissed my wool-covered head, his hand rubbing my belly through my coat. I buried my head in his chest and took a deep breath, knowing I'd probably have to fight to get my way with this.

A few minutes later, we were standing in front of the building I needed to show him. I took the little key I'd gotten from the owner out of my pocket and opened the door, taking his hand and tugging him inside.

"Okay, so try to keep an open mind okay?" I said as I stood in the middle of the little shop that held nothing but empty shelves and dust these days. "This used to be a shop for this and that. That's the words Mrs. Howards used, not mine. I'm walking down here nearly every day ever since you went back to school. You're not home as often and I have a lot of free time since Esme doesn't let me lift a finger so… This is the cutest little shop I've ever seen. It has this old feel about it that makes you want to stay here and just… be. Escape. So one day Mrs Howards waved me in and before you start, she's an old lady, Edward, not some young man, waiting to secude me. She told me how she wants to sell this shop along with the apartment upstairs. And I wanna buy it, Edward. I want us to move in and I want to open a coffee shop down here."

He stood there, looking around the room a little confusedly and running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, erm… why?"

"Because I'm in love with this, Edward. I love everything about this. I love how it smells in here. I love how from the outside, it looks so old and traditional and just homey it makes you wanna go right in. I love how when I step foot inside, I can see it. I can see us being busy but happy here. I can see our girl growing up here. I love how this could be our chance to prove ourselves."

"Bella, if this is about me going back to school…. I told you me and my dad we worked it out. He promised he's gonna let me pay him back."

"No. No. This is about me living a dream. This is about us, as a family, living a dream. Admitedly it's a dream I didn't know I had but Edward… It's not like I knew I wanted a baby till she was there," I said,my hand on my stomach, feeling a tiny flutter from the inside. "It's not like I knew I wanted someone to love me before I spilled coffee all over you."

He laughed softly at this and tugged at his hair, mumbling, "You spilled coffee over me. And now you want a coffee shop."

"I mean I know I couldn't really pay for your education through this. I don't even know how much this would cost to buy. But I could help our situation. We could have somewhat of an income. I know we'd make more debts at first but sometimes you have to risk something to gain something right?"

He stood before me, looking so torn I wanted to hug him. But I stood my ground, patiently awaiting his answer knowing I wouldn't ever do it without his full support.

"Don't you need someone with a business degree for stuff like this? Also Bella, when would we…You're pregnant, Bella. How would we care for a baby, deal with a coffee shop, go to school…"

"I don't wanna go back to school," I said.

"You not but if you haven't noticed, I just started again," he snapped.

"I was just telling you, it's not like I'd do it without you," I said, the annoyance creeping into my voice.

"Don't do this. Don't put it all on me. God, Bella I want you to be happy more than anything but…"

"Emmett."

"What?"

"He wants to be a part of this. He wants to help with the financing and he wants to work here. Basically have his share. We'd have to work out the details but yeah…"

"So you talked about this with him, before even considering to talk to me?"

"God, Edward don't be a douche. He mentioned he was unhappy, wanted to quit but didn't know what to do and I told him about this shop here. He asked me why I didn't want it and really Edward why don't I? We wouldn't be able to open for a while anyway and then Emmett would be here. We could do this. We wouldn't have to worry about daycare or anything else because I could have her here with me."

"Bella, you're just throwing this onto me. I have no idea. Everything inside me is screaming no but not because I don't want you to be happy or have this but simply because you're standing before me, beautiful and pregnant, and all I wanna do is be able to provide for you. All I feel is worry because I don't know if you know how hard this will all be – the baby alone and now opening a business? I want you to have everything you ever desired without having to work for it. I want to be able to give you this without having to really consider if this is a good idea for your health or for our daughter but as it stands I can't. Right now I can't be this ass I want to be but need to think about you, our baby and our situation."

"Edward I did consider all that. I wanna work for this. I want to fight for our family and you know I'd never do anything to harm her," I said, my hand resting on my stomach.

"I know", he said and tugged me closer by the hips. "I love you."

"I love you," I said and tugged him down by the collar of his shirt, kissing him softly.

"Can I show you the apartment?"

"Mhmm, you'd make a very good realtor, Miss Swan," he mumbled against my lips.

* * *

><p>I was licking the spoon full of Nutella clean, humming. It was the day after I'd showed Edward Mrs Howard's little shop and apartment. He'd asked me to let him think about it and I'd agreed, giving him some time to stomach it all. I was currently home alone and on the phone with Emmett, discussing yesterday's events.<p>

"Mhmm, he's mainly worried about me overworking myself or something," I mumbled into the phone, licking the delicious chocolate off the spoon all the while.

"Is Edward there right now, or are you eating?" he asked, laughing.

"Shut up," I chuckled. "I have cravings. Pregnant people have cravings. Anyway, what do you say? You think we can convince him?"

"Bella, I told you. I've only known you for a few weeks but you're basically my little sister and I won't let you work yourself sick."

"You don't only do this because you feel sorry for me do you?"

"No, Bella. Remember that job I have right now? At that restaurant? Yeah, I'm there to bake. I like to bake. We could make this a little coffee shop slash bakery. This has potential and it really is the first time I'm excited about anything work related since… ages ago."

"Okay."

"Okay. I gotta go now. My break is over. We'll convince him, little lady. Have some confidence."

"Kay. Bye big man."

"Bye little lady. Greet the peanut from me."

"I will," I said before hanging up and rubbing my stomach.

I was closing the Nutella and put the spoon in the sink when I heard the doorbell ring.

I carefully got off the bar stool, noticing that the simplest tasks seemed to be much more difficult these days, with a stomach in the way. I slowly made my way to the front door, still dressed in my pyjamas, one of Edward's sweatpants and shirts.

When I opened the door, I immediately felt like closing it again. One of my hands stayed on the door while the other one automatically made its way to my belly, rubbing. Funnily enough that was the only thing bringing me comfort in this situation.

"Hey, Victoria. What can I do for you?"

"I told you," she said. "I just wanna talk."

At first I breathed out a little sigh of relief but when I spotted the gun she held in her hand I really felt sick to my stomach.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Sorry for the little cliffhanger. I hope you enjoyed it still even though it's late. Sorry about that.


	36. Chapter 36

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 36<strong>

_When I opened the door, I immediately felt like closing it again. One of my hands stayed on the door, while the other one automatically made its way to my belly, rubbing. Funnily enough, that was the only thing bringing me comfort in this situation._

"_Hey, Victoria. What can I do for you?"_

"_I told you," she said. "I just wanna talk."_

_At first, I breathed out a little sigh of relief, but when I spotted the gun she held in her hand, I really felt sick to my stomach._

* * *

><p>For seconds that felt like ages, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I could feel was the panic settling inside my every fiber. It felt like ice water was poured all over my body. It felt like my bones were rooted to the earth. Nobody moved, nobody made a sound. For a few seconds that felt like hours, everything was silent except the little girl struggling and kicking inside me, reminding me to breathe again.<p>

"Do you… Do you want to come in?" I asked. My voice was shaky. As were my hands, gripping the doorknob and laying on my stomach.

I contemplated my options, not really knowing how to react. Not really knowing what to say or what to do or even what to think.

"No, can you… please… Just follow me please?"

Her voice had a whiny tone to it. She sounded as if she was about to cry and she looked absolutely heartbroken, as she held the gun in her one hand and kept the door from being pushed closed with her other hand.

My voice was shaking noticeably as I asked, "Can I just… get my bag? I won't… I'll come back I promise."

"_No_. Please. I just wanna talk. I promise."

She paused between every sentence. Her voice went from emotionless to heartbroken in seconds and even in my absolutely terrified state, I felt somewhat sorry for her.

I stepped outside, hearing the door fall close behind me, effectively locking us out. She waved me on with the hand that held the gun, making me cower and my hands fold in front of my stomach.

"I won't hurt you. I just wanna talk."

"Where are we going?" I asked, tentatively taking a step towards her, not really wanting to anger her.

"Just _come_," she said, making me scramble after her. "Get in the car."

The car reeked of cigarette smoke and alcohol. It nearly made my over-sensitive senses gag, but I held myself back somehow. She got in beside me, immediately locking it again as soon as she started the car.

She didn't talk during the drive and I was scared to break the silence. She never let go of the gun, holding it in her right hand, shifting with it in her hand. As I sat in the car, my head against the headrest, my breath coming in little gasps, the situation I was in started to dawn on me and as the shock passed, I was desperately trying to think of ways to get out of this car. To alert someone.

I started thinking of Edward and the thought nearly brought tears to my eyes. I forced myself to focus on the now and felt a subtle nudge against my hand that nearly crippled me and made a small sob leave my mouth.

She looked over at me, confused, as if she didn't understand why I would start panicking in a situation like this.

"Don't cry. I'm not gonna hurt you," she said, slowly tracing my tear tracks with her finger.

"Please don't hurt my baby."

"I'm not gonna hurt you," she repeated but her voice sounded hollow and not really reassuring.

It was a few more minutes until the car came to a stop. All the while, my thumb was slowly moving against my stomach, trying to get our little girl to calm down. It took me a few seconds to recognize the familiar surroundings I found myself in.

"This is your parents' house right?" She inquired.

"Yes," I answered, not really knowing why she was bringing me here.

"He bought this for you," she mused. "He never bought anything for me."

She got out of the car and I took this as my cue to get out as well. I slowly walked round the car and followed her inside the house, where there were two chairs awaiting our arrival. Beside one of them was a single piece of rope on the floor.

"Sit in that one," she said and waved the gun towards the chair with the rope beside it. As I walked over, it was the first time she really aimed the gun at me.

"I'm gonna tie your hands to the chair. I don't want you to run. I just wanna talk." I was panicking a little at being bound up and tried to distract her by starting to talk.

"We can talk. You don't need to… I won't run. I promise."

"No," she said, taking my hands that were grasping the shirt at my stomach, and tugging them behind my back, to tie to the backrest.

"What do you…" I said, taking a shaky breath. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"My father, he had your parents killed," she said sounding completely emotionless.

"I know," I said, swallowing around the lump in my throat.

"It's why I hired you in the first place. I was supposed to watch over you. I did. Me and Daddy. We did watch over you, but not enough."

"Victoria, we never intended to…"

"Shut up," she whispered, and waved the gun in my direction, before firing off a shot that hit the wall somewhere to my right. "First I talk, then you talk, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, clenching my hands into fists, trying not to scream. Internally, I was trying to determine how much time had passed since she showed up on our doorstep. I hoped desperately that Esme had gotten home in the meantime and noticed that something was off.

"You were supposed to just clean the house. Did you ever even clean the house?" Her voice sounded fierce. Both the whining tone and the emotionless whisper were gone and both were replaced by anger. Nothing scared me more than anger.

"Most days, I'm sitting at home trying to determine the moment when it all came crashing down and I can't, really. I never noticed until it was too late."

She finally sat down in the chair across from me, the hand with the gun dangling between her legs, her head down.

"I just want to ask one thing," she looked up and I could see all the agony and heartbreak and tears in her eyes. "What… how did you get him to look at you like that?"

She looked at me, waiting for an answer that told her what she had done wrong, where she had failed; I didn't have it for her. I couldn't even answer her question for myself. I stared at the hand of the gun, all too aware of the situation I found myself in between that moment, even though it was the absurdest thing to feel; I couldn't help but feel a little relieved that I wasn't sitting there with a gun in my hand – heartbroken, desperate to just get some answers, even if they might kill me.

I didn't know what I did to make him fall in love with me or choose me over her. I just knew that I was insanely glad it had happened.

"Victoria, I'm sure there's someone out there for…"

"I don't want someone. I wanted him from the first moment and I had him and then my dad made me hire you and..."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, not daring to look away from her hand holding the gun.

She didn't say anything else for the time being. We just sat there, both staring at the gun in her hand, although I doubted she saw it. The hollow look in her eyes sent a chill down my spine.

The silence lasted for several minutes and was all encompassing. It felt like it was swallowing me whole and my breaths sped up and my hands started clenching in fists, gently tugging against my bonds, the rope chaffing against the skin at my wrists.

Victoria only moved once throughout the whole thing. Her gaze shifted, from the gun to my belly, the hollow stare never leaving her eyes.

In that moment, everything inside me started screaming at me to protect my child. To somehow take her focus off my baby and hurt me instead - in whichever way possible, without hurting my child.

I started fidgeting under her gaze, trying somehow to get her to look somewhere else, but she never did. She just stared at my daughter, deep in thought and I felt like screaming at her. Screaming at anything.

After another few seconds of intense staring, she first looked up, then got up and walked over, the gun-less hand outstretched.

"Can I touch?"

"No, please," I said trying to shift away.

"I just wanna…" she said coming closer, making my breath speed up.

"Don't touch me."

"Shut up," she nearly screamed and hit me upside the head repeatedly, on my left temple, with the gun, making my whole world sway and then turn black around the edges. I could feel the pain starting to spread from where she hit me and was too preoccupied with pain and nausea to really notice when she was suddenly yanked out of my eyesight.

I heard shots go off and screaming, but couldn't make out what happened around me. I felt a sharp pain against my arm and someone freeing me from my bonds. I got up, my legs feeling very weak but I kept going, pushing my legs, trying to run even though I couldn't, desperately needing to get away.

I saw people moving on the edge of my vision but didn't care for anything except getting out. I didn't get far. After a few steps, my legs gave out under me and I crashed to the ground, falling on my side, my head hitting the floor, pain shooting through my whole body.

I felt familiar hands pick me up, making me wince and someone whisper, "Bella, Bella, Bella." I couldn't help but smile and whisper back softly.

"Hey."

"Hey," a chocked voice answered with a sad smile, all the while the rocking motion of him walking never ceasing. I closed my eyes softly, finally feeling like I could breathe again.

"Don't fall asleep. Please."

"I'm not sleeping," I whispered.

"Look at me, beautiful."

"Kay."

"Kay."

"I love you," he leaned down to kiss my head very softly, before handing me over to a paramedic.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I hope you liked it. I have an more or less important announcement: Just so you're up-to-date I'm leaving for holidays on Saturday. I'll try to write at least one, maybe two chapters in advance so someone can post them for me. I'll be gone for 3 weeks so I hope you can at least get one chapter in between. There will probably be a longer waiting period though. I'm sorry for that.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own nothing Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 37<strong>

I was sitting in the small room that was stuffed to the ceiling with books. There were books on shelves, on chairs and even on the desk. As well on the desk, was a little, ancient computer. My professor was currently the one staring at the computer, trying to figure out how to find my file.

"I used to have all this handy just right here," he said patting the place beside the keyboard. "That used to be faster. I'm sorry."

"It's no bother," I smiled and felt for my vibrating phone.

I made sure he was still desperately searching for my name before tugging it out of my pants pocket and checking my texts.

_Is Bella with you?- Mom_

_No. Is she not home? – E._

_No, she wasn't here when I returned home from shopping. - Mom_

I frowned, but put the phone back in my pocket after sending Bella a quick text asking where she was and telling her we were worried.

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later I walked out of the office, not really any wiser as to my questions concerning my studies, but even more worried about my girl. I got my phone out and immediately dialed my mother.<p>

"Is she home yet?" I asked, all the while walking towards my car, my stomach twisted in an uneasy way. I felt myself walk faster and faster with each passing second.

"No. I have no idea where she is, sweetie. She left her phone and everything. I thought maybe she'd already contacted you in the meantime. I'm calling your Dad. I have an uneasy feeling about this, Edward."

"I'm coming," I said and started running, my heart beating rapidly.

* * *

><p>"You called Emmett?"<p>

"Yes, yes Edward I did. He last talked to her. He said she sounded fine."

My vision was blurry while I could feel my breathing pick up. All I heard in the silent room was my panting for air. My hands were tugging everywhere, my collar, my hair.

"We have to find her. Where is she?"

"Sweetie, I called the police," she said. I could hear the tears in her voice. "They're on their way."

I could feel something bubble up inside me. Panic seized me. Every single cell in my body was filled with ice and fire. Both at once, trying to break through the surface of consciousness and swallow me whole. A cold hand had a grip on my heart and around my lungs. I felt like I couldn't get enough air inside me but it also didn't feel important right this second. My whole being was concentrated on finding her.

"Police," I said.

"We don't need… I don't need fucking police I know who this was."

* * *

><p>I could feel a single tear running down the side of my face. I brushed it away angrily. It was the first tear I cried. It wouldn't be the last.<p>

Every second we spent, sitting here, doing nothing but talk and talk some more I could feel the anger inside me rise like acid, rising from my stomach, up and up.

"And you're sure you've told us everything?" the officer asked again.

"GOOD GOD, how often do I have to tell you?! All you have to do is find that freaking woman."

"Edward," my mother admonished softly. She stood in a corner, her hand clutching at her stomach, my dad beside her holding her too him.

My hands felt empty. My heart felt empty. My everything felt empty. The only feeling I could discretely disconcern was anger. Anger at just having to sit here. Anger at having to talk about the woman that was everything to me over and over again but never being able to do something. Anger at everyone just standing around, waiting for things to resolve themselves.

As I looked around and only saw people standing around. People whispering. People looking at me with pitying eyes I felt my anger peak.

"I'm outta here," I said, jumping up and storming out the house.

I stood in the middle of the garden, hands in fists, just staring.. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel anything other than anger. Anger that she was taken from me. Anger that I couldn't do anything but wait. Anger that I couldn't keep her safe.

"Are you okay?"

I looked behind me, seeing my father standing there.

"No."

"She's gonna be fine. She's a fighter."

"She shouldn't have to fight."

"You have to trust her right now. To do anything to keep herself and the little one safe."

"I do trust her," I whispered. "As she trusted me. With her life. I failed her. I failed her, Dad."

"You did no such thing."

We stood there for a few more minutes and each second that trickled by, each second that he knew all I needed was silence, each second that he stood beside me, being there for me and being strong for me, I could feel something inside me crumble a little more.

I felt like the situation, the silence was choking me if I didn't say anything soon.

"Dad, I'm so scared."

He stepped closer and enveloped me in his arms, softly patting me on the back.

"She's gonna be fine."

"I'm so scared."

"I know. We all are."

"I'm sorry for everything."

"Stop. Stop apologizing. You made one mistake in your life, Edward. It doesn't define you. It made you a better person. It led you to her. It led you to us. You were young and we were all stupid."

We stood there for a while longer, me just silently crying into his shoulder trying not to crumble completely.

"Edward?"

I stepped back slowly, rubbing my eyes and sniffling a little.

"Hey, Emmett."

"Man, I'm sorry. I talked to her last I didn't know…"

"Have you already talked to them?"

"Yeah, I told them everything. Man, everyone's just standing around."

I said nothing, afraid I'd break down again.

"Edward…," he whispered.

"I can't."

"Let's go. Carlisle, come on. We'll search ourselves."

* * *

><p>"Stop here, that's it," I said and was out of the car before he had stopped moving.<p>

We had been halfway through the city on our way to the Denali firm when I realized where she'd have taken her. The one thing that represented Bella's past as well as mine and Bella's future.

When we arrived the police was already there. The second I saw the red and blue lights I felt the panic I had managed to control before grip me again. Gripping my heart in a vice grip that was making me feel light-headed.

"Mr. Cullen," from the corner of my eye I saw the officer walk towards me, trying to get me to stop walking but all I saw was the door that would led me to my girl. "there is indeed someone in there so we're going in right now. I hate to inform you but you'll have to stay out here."

I started to sprint when I saw the first people go in.

Entering the room my eyes were immediately searching for the one person I needed to find. After scanning the room once I felt my knees go weak when I saw her slowly stumbling to the ground, her eyes rolling to the back of her head.

I ran over, my throat constricted, my heart breaking.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." I chanted softly, a sob escaping me.

I saw blood everywhere. Her arm looked as if it was shot while there was blood pouring out of a wound on her temple.

I picked her up, while she continued to struggle, trying to get up. My whole body shook. Carefully I nearly ran to the waiting ambulance as fast as I could, all the while the sobs countinued to shake my whole body. I felt like I wasn't moving fast enough. Like everything was happening in slow motion. Like I was wading through ice water.

"Hey," she whispered. A smile was on her lips and her eyes were closed.

"Hey," I choked out.

I suddenly felt her go slack in my arms. Panic seized me once again. I felt like screaming at her. Screaming at her not to leave me.

"Don't fall asleep," I begged her. "Please."

"I'm not sleeping."

My breaths were ragged, my sobs desperate.

"Look at me, beautiful," I begged. "Please open your eyes," I added internally.

"Kay," she answered but her eyes remained closed.

"Kay," I said. "I love you."

I leaned down and kissed her hair, her eyes, her lips softly, not caring about the blood on my lips. Not caring about the paramedic tugging at me, asking me to let her go so he could look her over. Only caring about the little smile that played around her lips.

With a sob in my throat and a smile on my face I handed her over.

* * *

><p>"Mr Cullen?" a nurse asked, making me look up from my mother's shoulder. "Ms. Swan is out of surgery now. She's still a little out of it but you can see her. She's in her room."<p>

I jumped up and followed after her, only looking back once to mouth "thank you" to my mother. She smiled softly at me and winked before shouting "We'll see you later" after me.

"Does Ms Swan have any family we could contact?" the nurse asked.

"No, I already told the emergency room nurse. We're her family. She's… That's our baby."

"Okay, so I don't know if anyone told you anything already?"

"No."

"Okay. She got shot as you probably already know. The bullet entered through her arm but then got stuck in a rib. Luckily enough it missed the arm bone and the lung so we got the bullet out and flicked her up again. They are a bit concerned about the trauma she suffered to her head but you said she was not unconscious so the chances are good the wound is only superficial and there's no damage to the brain. We're going to get her inta CT as soon as she's conscious but her chances are good."

I felt my eyes fill with tears again as I walked into the elevator after the nurse but I refused to let them fall.

"She's up in the ICU now. It's only a precaution and if nothing comes up it's only for a night."

"What about… What about the baby?" I whispered.

"Right now, the baby is fine. It was a little in distress during surgery."

"In distress?"

"There were some contractions but we expected that and acted right away. We were able to stop the contractions."

"Okay… so what does that mean?"

She smiled at me softly, as she rounded another corner and laid a hand on my arm.

"The baby is fine. We gave it some medicine that sped up the development of its lungs just in case of an emergency but right now, everything looks fine. Ms Swan will have to stay on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy but the baby should be fine and you should have a healthy baby a few months from now."

I breathed a sigh a relief and the tears I'd been trying to hold slowly made their way down my cheeks.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're very welcome," she said and held the door to Bella's room open for me. "I'll be back in a little bit to check on her."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Let me express how sorry I am for the lack of updates. I suck. Real life has been busy as fuck and to be honest I didn't exactly know how to continue. Excuses, excuses. Anyway for those that are still hanging around, I'm so very sorry but I promise you, the next chapter is already written so you'll get that a week from now, for sure. I'm sorry, once again, and I'm going to try and get my **** together again okay? ;)


	38. Chapter 38

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own anything Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 38<strong>

"_Thank you," I whispered._

"_You're very welcome," the nurse said and held the door to Bella's room open for me. "I'll be back in a little bit to check on her."_

* * *

><p>I slowly walked into the room, my eyes never leaving the girl on the bed. The blood was washed off her face but was still in her hair. From where I stood at the door I could see how swollen and bruised her face was. There were tubes everywhere. There was a tube coming out of the side of her chest, there was one in her hand and she had a breathing cannula in her nose, giving her oxygen. I could see her little belly stick out of the bed and I felt a physical need to go over and make sure our baby was fine. For my sake. For hers.<p>

I wanted nothing more than to go over there and take her into my arms but I felt rooted in place. Looking at her I felt so much sadness, despair, helplessness and anger.

After a few minutes of just staring at her lying in the hospital bed, motionless, sleeping peacefully I stepped closer to her and took a seat beside her bed. I slowly took her hand into mine and laid my head down beside it, all the while holding her hand. My thumb slowly slid over the back of her hand, over and over again while my other hand found it's way to our baby girl.

I kept waiting for that little nudge. The little nudge I had grown to love like nothing else in this world. And when it came, the first smile in what felt like years, escaped me.

* * *

><p>I woke to a hand softly running through my hair. It took me a second to realize where I was and why my neck was so stiff. The second I realized where I was I shot up, only to take the hand that was running through my hair and kissing it, repeatedly.<p>

"Hey," my voice broke on that little word. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"How's the baby?"

"Awake," I laughed with tears in my eyes when I felt a little nudge against the hand that was still lying on her stomach.

"Good," she sighed and relaxed into the pillows.

I stood up and sat on the edge of her bed, never letting go of her hand, just to lean down and kiss her on the lips softy.

"I was so worried," I said, my voice cracking repeatedly.

"Me too," she whispered and brushed my tears away. "I was so scared she'd hurt the baby."

"Did she…," I started, letting the question hang in the room.

"No. At least not the baby. She just hit me…," she trailed off, slowly. She raised her hand and touched the side of her face that was swollen and bruised. "She hit me here," she winced. "because I didn't let her touch me or the baby."

I didn't know what to say to that so I stayed silent, just watching her as she was. Even with tubes everywhere, a swollen face and a lot of bruises she was beautiful. It felt like there was a new facette to her beauty. I always knew that she was a fighter. She pulled through when other people didn't. She fought for the things she loved. But today, for what felt like the first time ever, I saw the mother in her.

"So," she tried to sit up before I gently pushed her back down. "What's the verdict?"

"The bullet missed the bone in your arm but got stuck in a rib so you had to have surgery. They…"

"Wait, I was shot?" she asked, sounding completely baffled.

"Yeah. In your arm…," I slowly trailed off, gripping her hand in both of mine and looking down. "Bella, there was so much blood, I was so scared."

"Oh," she trailed off. "I'm here now tho," she said smiling.

I chuckled softly and traced her face with my fingers wanting to memorize her by touch.

"On with it, Cullen. I don't have all day."

"Hold your horses, Swan. I was just about to continue."

She made a "move along" gesture with my hand and my heartbeat picked up, falling in love with her all over again.

"So, they got the bullet out and all is fine. Sometime during the surgery you were having contractions. They were able to stop them but the nurse said you'd have to be on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. At least until close to your due date."

She was silent for a few moments, probably contemplating her fate.

"Well… I wanted to start decorating the shop but… I mean I guess we could wait till the baby is born. But yeah, priorities. This one is definitely a priority," she said and let her hand ghost over her stomach.

I smiled at her and when she smiled back I just about burst with love. I leaned down to kiss her stomach and mumbled, "You're definitely a priority, little one."

* * *

><p>"Yeah, well our little Bertha here," I said, rubbing Bella's little belly with the hand that didn't hold Rylan. "is making her mama stay in bed for a while so all we can do is play up here, buddy. We wouldn't wanna leave the baby alone, would we?"<p>

I saw Bella roll her eyes out of the corner of my eye but she didn't comment on my baby names anymore.

"Who's Bertha?" Rylan asked, scrunching up his nose in an adorable way.

"This one here," I said and pointed to Bella's stomach.

"No," he muttered. "Thas Belly."

I couldn't help but snicker at the double meaning. Belly was his nickname for Bella, just like Emmy was his nickname for Emmett and Uncle Eddy the nickname for me.

We were currently at home in the living room. Bella was lying on the couch, a blanket over her and she was watching us both with interest. She'd been home from the hospital for eight days now and was still a little drowsy from the surgery and all the pain medication she continued to get. That's probably also the only reason why she hadn't been whining my ass off yet about not being able to get up.

Emmett and Rosalie were in the kitchen. I could hear them talk from here. Alice was supposed to arrive later today. She hadn't been here when it all happened but she said she "caught the first plane she could possibly take" so today would be, when she arrived.

Bella was looking forward to it, the both of them having become fast friends. I was just looking forward to seeing her happy.

"Edward, you can go outside with him."

"Oh I don't know. I don't know if little Rylan here would like leaving you and our Eleanor alone?"

"You haven't been away from me all week Edward. You've got to want to get out a bit. I'm not gonna dissapear," she said, looking at me with those mother eyes she now had. "And we're not naming her Eleanor or Bertha or Margorie or Henrietta," she hissed, whispering.

"I don't know. I personally really liked Gertrude. What do you think, Rylan?"

"Youse should call the baby Rylan," Rylan said and smiled smugly while crawling off my lap and running towards the front door. "I'm putting on ma shoes."

I sat there, staring after him. I wanted to tell him we couldn't go out but I also didn't want to put a damper on his excitement.

"You can go out. He just wants to play in the garden, Edward. You'll be a few feet away."

"Yeah," I whispered, still not wanting to go.

Everytime I've been away from her this week, and if it was just to go to the bathroom, I felt the panic seize me, squeezing my heart to the point where I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I was terrified of not having her near me.

"Come here," she whispered and patted the spot on the floor, right beside the couch.

I sat down next to her, my hands and lips immediately finding the belly that was adorably sticking up from her little frame now.

"I can't believe I'm only at 22 weeks and already on bedrest," she said while running her hand through my hair. "I'm going to go crazy by week 40."

"They said you didn't have to be on bedrest till the end. Just until they're sure the baby will pull through, whatever happens."

"Yeah, 37 or 40 doesn't really make that much of a difference anymore," she whined.

"I can't believe I'm going to be someone's dad."

"You're gonna be great. I can't wait to see you with her."

"I can't wait to see _you _with her," I whispered and leaned over to kiss her.

I angled my head a little so I could deepen the kiss when suddenly someone screamed, "Unca Eddy, I'm ready" into my ear right beside me.

* * *

><p>"Edward, are you sure you can do this?" she asked from the chair, eyeing me with some doubt.<p>

"Of course," I said but it sounded more like a question.

"We can just order pizza, sweetie. It's okay I don't want you to lose a finger or something."

"Ha, Ha."

I walked over to the chair she had been occupying for a while now watching me and crouched down beside her.

"You wanted 'crepes', I'll make you 'crepes'," I said, mocking the way she said it and kissing her nose.

Twenty minutes later, the pile of the burned or broken crepes was two times as big as the one with the useful ones. I was just about to brag with how the last two crepes had been successes, when there was a loud beeping.

"Edward, is that the fire alarm?" I heard Bella laugh.

I turned off the stove, and walked over to where she sat. I crouched down beside her and began tickling her.

"You're gonna laugh at me?"

"Edward, stop, I'm peeing myself on my own as it is I don't need you tickling me oh my god."

I didn't stop though until she was thrashing around and hit me in the nose with her waving fist, knocking me on my ass.

"Oh my god, are you alright?"

"Yeah, woman," I groaned. "You better sleep with one eye open."

I lay down on the floor, looking at the ceiling, all the while the fire alarm still nearly made us go deaf.

I was just about to close my eyes and succumb to the chaos when I felt a belly touch my stomach, and saw Bella on her hands and knees over me, trying to work out how to best lie down next to me.

"This doesn't work the way it used to. Wipe that smirk off your face, Cullen."

I laughed and sat up, knocking my head into hers in the process.

By the time we finally both lay on the floor, we were still laughing.

"This hasn't really been our best day," I mumbled into her hair.

"It's been a perfect day," she said and kissed my chest.


End file.
